Gentleman810 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Hi all, First of all I just want to tell that this is totally not my style and I FEEL PATHETIC FOR DOING THIS but a friend of me recommended me doing this. It's about the following: I am quite an insecure guy whenever I like a girl and basically I always mess up something if I try to handle the situation. But whenever I am near a girl which I don't have any feelings, I have no problem being myself and most of the time we can always have fun. Now here is the hard part, I know that being attractive/handsome doesn't mean anything at all. But this thing has kept me busy for such a long time that I just want to get over with. I feel like I am not attractive enough to get any girl at all, this makes me feel so shi*t about myself (sorry for the words). Most people around me tell me that I am quite an attractive/handsome guy but I just don't want to believe this. I think that they are just saying this to make me feel good, I want a raw opinion on this one. I also sometimes try to hide the feeling about being ugly by making jokes that I'm not that ugly. I also check the mirror alot, I am feeling like I am making such a big deal out of this. How can I handle this, and since most people may wonder how I'd look like: http://i1355.photobucket.com/albums/q711/Insomnia710/Ugh2.jpg http://i1355.photobucket.com/albums/q711/Insomnia710/Ugh.jpg Once again, I still can't believe I'm doing and still feel pathetic about it actually might help me. Honest opinions are appreciated. I am still 20 though, maybe the uglyness might cover up in a few years.
GirlontheLam Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Work on being comfortable in your own skin. 1
Author Gentleman810 Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 Work on being comfortable in your own skin. Very hard to do but I appreciate ur comment, it's just like something I can't get out of my head for now. One last photo because of the bad lightning on the other one: http://i1355.photobucket.com/albums/q711/Insomnia710/chaggie.png
mesmerized Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 You're not ugly at all, you look good but your eyebrows need a bit of work. Trimming or filling...ask a professional what you can do for them. 1
edgygirl Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 You're cute silly guy. It's so funny how worried we are about looks when we're young. When you're 40 as me and look back at this picture, you will think to youself: "wth was wrong with me that I was so worried about the way I looked back then? I was super handsome!". If you feel comfy in your skin as said above, you will be and feel attractive. Stop thinking about what the media deems as attractive and feeling you're not good enough... it's all bs. 4
Author Gentleman810 Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 You're not ugly at all, you look good but your eyebrows need a bit of work. Trimming or filling...ask a professional what you can do for them. Thank you for mentioning it because I also remember that I fell on one of my eyebrows on my head when I was little, 1 of my eyebrows is very weird compared to the other. I didn't know that men could trim or fill eyebrows. I might do some research. I'd never do cosmetics though.
IT Geek Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 I know that being attractive/handsome doesn't mean anything at all. Says who? If you don't think attractive people have advantages over unattractive people you are living in a bubble. 2
Author Gentleman810 Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 You're cute silly guy. It's so funny how worried we are about looks when we're young. When you're 40 as me and look back at this picture, you will think to youself: "wth was wrong with me that I was so worried about the way I looked back then? I was super handsome!". If you feel comfy in your skin as said above, you will be and feel attractive. Stop thinking about what the media deems as attractive and feeling you're not good enough... it's all bs. Thank you all for your responces, I was expecting alot more negativity since I might have made a big problem out of this. But sometimes it's so hard to handle things whilst it doesn't have to. Whenever I go into a store (buying clothes or whatever) most of the time alot of female customers do flirt with me, or whenever I am at a station people tend to look at me. I always thought I was ugly when people would at me, that's quite funny though. I think I should just look at things more from the bright side.
ThaWholigan Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 You're not ugly at all. The thing is, the fact that you make yourself think you look ugly can actually make you look uglier than you are. You should try to make peace with your appearance and take pride in it, and you will start to really shine. When I was at that stage (I'm 24) I thought I was ugly too, and didn't take much pride in my appearance either. I understand what you're going through, and building confidence will be a hard slog, but stay with it man . 1
Author Gentleman810 Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 You're not ugly at all. The thing is, the fact that you make yourself think you look ugly can actually make you look uglier than you are. You should try to make peace with your appearance and take pride in it, and you will start to really shine. When I was at that stage (I'm 24) I thought I was ugly too, and didn't take much pride in my appearance either. I understand what you're going through, and building confidence will be a hard slog, but stay with it man . Once again, thanks for all the great tips. Especially when someone understands you it gives a certain feeling of safety. I should start over again, and from now on I must look with a different view into the mirror and into a certain aspect of life (easier said then done) but I think that way it be better then doing nothing.
Locust Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 (edited) You look better than me. My face look like a 10 car train ran over it. I have the worst looking face on the planet, that I should be in the genius of world records for the most ugly face. Now this explains why I never had any girlfriend in my life. Oh well hopefully I can be reincarnated and come back as hot guy or least a better looking guy. Edited December 10, 2012 by Locust 1
mesmerized Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Thank you for mentioning it because I also remember that I fell on one of my eyebrows on my head when I was little, 1 of my eyebrows is very weird compared to the other. I didn't know that men could trim or fill eyebrows. I might do some research. I'd never do cosmetics though. I see nothing wrong with men using cosmetics to look a bit better. There are certainly things you can do for your eyebrows and It can change your appearance a lot.
ScreamingTrees Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 I can relate to you, OP, despite any unsolicited positive reinforcement I still tend to feel the same way at the end of the day. 1
Author Gentleman810 Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 I see nothing wrong with men using cosmetics to look a bit better. There are certainly things you can do for your eyebrows and It can change your appearance a lot. How do they call the people working in this kind of branche, and do alot of men do this?
ascendotum Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Whenever I go into a store (buying clothes or whatever) most of the time alot of female customers do flirt with me, or whenever I am at a station people tend to look at me... I don't get it, is it because the cheerleader girls aren't smiling & looking coyly at you that you think you are ugly? I find too many people especially those < 25, who benchmark themselves against the glamorous people in the media/marketing, and there are quite a few out there who see looks in B&W terms, hot/cute or ugly/loser/creep. OP - I would have thought for the majority of slightly insecure guys out there, that getting flirts a lot, is the perfect remedy to boost self esteem. You just need to run with it the next time it happens and surprise yourself where it leads. 2
Author Gentleman810 Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 I don't get it, is it because the cheerleader girls aren't smiling & looking coyly at you that you think you are ugly? I find too many people especially those < 25, who benchmark themselves against the glamorous people in the media/marketing, and there are quite a few out there who see looks in B&W terms, hot/cute or ugly/loser/creep. OP - I would have thought for the majority of slightly insecure guys out there, that getting flirts a lot, is the perfect remedy to boost self esteem. You just need to run with it the next time it happens and surprise yourself where it leads. I got ur point here, it's weird why I just kept thinking I was ugly. But it's also hard to believe the opinions from people that are close to you because they think they might hurt your feelings, and eventually ''lie''. This just kept me in a sort of cycle of whether to believe it or not. Especially trying to get out of this way of thinking, is the hardest part of all. I don't really ever tried to compare myself with glamorous people because I hardly know some XD. The fact is, that people also told me that I missed alot of signs from girls who were actually were interested in me but I never paid attention to it since I was busy thinking I was ugly or not. So I might take all of this as a lesson in order to get myself back on track.
RachR Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 You're attractive, above average I'd say. But people can pick up on attitudes and insecurities others have about themselves and that can make them unapproachable, since it sends off a negative vibe. And also, with your low confidence, you probably play out some sort of self fulfilling prophecy. Like another poster said, work on feeling more comfortable in your own skin. 1
RachR Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Also, don't get any insecure ideas in your head thinking that people here on this forum are going to sugarcoat things and say you're attractive when you aren't...trust me, this bunch won't do that. 1
Author Gentleman810 Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 You're attractive, above average I'd say. But people can pick up on attitudes and insecurities others have about themselves and that can make them unapproachable, since it sends off a negative vibe. And also, with your low confidence, you probably play out some sort of self fulfilling prophecy. Like another poster said, work on feeling more comfortable in your own skin. Thanks, I can relate in what you say regarding the self-fulfilling prophecy thing you mentioned. It also might have been a cause/problem that I never had a relationship and therefore I felt I was incompetent/goodlooking enough for any girl I suppose. This way of thinking literally killed me in a certain way.
Author Gentleman810 Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 Also, don't get any insecure ideas in your head thinking that people here on this forum are going to sugarcoat things and say you're attractive when you aren't...trust me, this bunch won't do that. Thanks for telling me that too, because for a moment I was going to think that. You seem to be able to read my mind
Minka333 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 I agree...you are a cute guy And i'm brutally honest with my judgments... I also agree with everybody's positive advice. 1
ScreamingTrees Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 I got ur point here, it's weird why I just kept thinking I was ugly. But it's also hard to believe the opinions from people that are close to you because they think they might hurt your feelings, and eventually ''lie''. This just kept me in a sort of cycle of whether to believe it or not. . They don't "eventually" lie, they do it from the get-go. This is what I believe those around me are doing. I'm in the same sort of love-hate loop. 1
Author Gentleman810 Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 I agree...you are a cute guy And i'm brutally honest with my judgments... I also agree with everybody's positive advice. They don't "eventually" lie, they do it from the get-go. This is what I believe those around me are doing. I'm in the same sort of love-hate loop. It might be annoying to say thanks all the time, but really thank you everybody. I didn't expect to get so much help from everbody out here. These tips are really helping me to get things straight. I know it won't be easy but eventually I'll get there.
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