Delicate Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 So I recently broke up with my boyfriend (about a month ago or so), and I was distraught. One day not too long after the breakup, I met a man at the gym. He chatted me up. Pretty good looking older guy. Very handsome actually, and very established. Owns his own law firm and everything. Goodness he was so desperate for my companionship. He took me to restaurants I've never been to before. Bought me things that I never thought I'd own... Treated me like a PRINCESS. Took me to court with him, to watch him in action. (I'm in law school, so he can seriously help me get to the top with his connections), offered me a paid internship position at his law firm and everything. He's 40, I'm barely 21, when people saw us out, goodness the stares we got. People would look at him with such disgust. Women looked at me like I was this little gold digger. And honestly. I don't know what's wrong with me. But I just can't date a man that is already established. I don't feel that I deserve it. I want a man that I am with while he is broke. I want a man that I can struggle with until we make it to the top. Goodness he was throwing the world at my feet. Why couldn't I just take it? What's wrong with me? I broke it off with him. Left him in the middle of the night. Just got my keys, my purse, and LEFT. Spending the night with him is always so painful. He always wants to have sex, and I've only slept with my exboyfriend, I can't imagine giving my body to somebody else. I can't even look at his d**k. I won't even touch it. I barely let him touch me. I can barely kiss him. =/ He's an attractive man too... And so nice. But goodness. I just don't want it. I looked at other women. Who were with rich established men, and I used to think to myself, "man they are so lucky. just using their looks to get by, and men shower them with everything they want." Well this time, I used my looks to get ahead too. And goodness oh it just felt so rotten. He was only so nice to me because of my body and my beauty. I felt like a child. It was such an unequal relationship. Yes. I'm an intelligent young woman, but you can't teach life experience.. And he has way more life experience than me, it just didn't seem equal. Didn't seem fair And.. I just didn't feel like I deserved him. WHY should I have a rich man if I didn't help him on his road to riches? I hope I don't regret this. But I just could not do it. I feel horrible for leaving him in the middle of the night like that. I know I'll never speak to him again. I feel horrible cutting contact like this. I'm just not happy. I dunno what I was looking for. Good God. I'm so lost.
Balzac Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 In law school at barely 21, good for you! It's his age only as it relates to your insecurity and desires. Be true to yourself. This is about your needs, not him.
Gunny376 Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 So I recently broke up with my boyfriend (about a month ago or so), and I was distraught. One day not too long after the breakup, I met a man at the gym. He chatted me up. Pretty good looking older guy. Very handsome actually, and very established. Owns his own law firm and everything. Goodness he was so desperate for my companionship. He took me to restaurants I've never been to before. Bought me things that I never thought I'd own... Treated me like a PRINCESS. Took me to court with him, to watch him in action. (I'm in law school, so he can seriously help me get to the top with his connections), offered me a paid internship position at his law firm and everything. He's 40, I'm barely 21, when people saw us out, goodness the stares we got. People would look at him with such disgust. Women looked at me like I was this little gold digger. And honestly. I don't know what's wrong with me. But I just can't date a man that is already established. I don't feel that I deserve it. I want a man that I am with while he is broke. I want a man that I can struggle with until we make it to the top. Goodness he was throwing the world at my feet. Why couldn't I just take it? What's wrong with me? I broke it off with him. Left him in the middle of the night. Just got my keys, my purse, and LEFT. Spending the night with him is always so painful. He always wants to have sex, and I've only slept with my exboyfriend, I can't imagine giving my body to somebody else. I can't even look at his d**k. I won't even touch it. I barely let him touch me. I can barely kiss him. =/ He's an attractive man too... And so nice. But goodness. I just don't want it. I looked at other women. Who were with rich established men, and I used to think to myself, "man they are so lucky. just using their looks to get by, and men shower them with everything they want." Well this time, I used my looks to get ahead too. And goodness oh it just felt so rotten. He was only so nice to me because of my body and my beauty. I felt like a child. It was such an unequal relationship. Yes. I'm an intelligent young woman, but you can't teach life experience.. And he has way more life experience than me, it just didn't seem equal. Didn't seem fair And.. I just didn't feel like I deserved him. WHY should I have a rich man if I didn't help him on his road to riches? I hope I don't regret this. But I just could not do it. I feel horrible for leaving him in the middle of the night like that. I know I'll never speak to him again. I feel horrible cutting contact like this. I'm just not happy. I dunno what I was looking for. Good God. I'm so lost. Its called INTEGRITY! You can't buy it! It can't be given to you! You have to EARN it! Its living by a 'code' ~ a set of standards ~ ethics ~ morals ~ that you won't compromise! YOU DID GOOD! You did right! You listened to the moral code that God wrote upon each of our hearts the day we were born! 3
GirlontheLam Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 I remember a hilarious experience when I was in college. For the record, I look pretty young. I am 34, and most of the time people think I am anywhere from 21-26 or so. (Met a guy in the bar who thought I was 21 this weekend!) Anyway, my dad used to work pretty close to my school, so every few weeks we'd have dad/daughter lunches. One day we were out, and the wiatress comes to take our orders. She takes his, and asks, what will your date be having. My dad was thinking EWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! He replied, "Oh that's my daughter, ask her yourself!" Anyway we had a good laugh. I do look like I am related to my dad. And my parents started fairly late. My dad was mid 30s when my parents had me, and he looks about his age. We wondered: a. she didn't notice the family resemblance b. what would a 19 year old want with a 50-something?
CarrieT Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 You said this: He's 40, I'm barely 21, when people saw us out, goodness the stares we got. People would look at him with such disgust. Women looked at me like I was this little gold digger. after this: Bought me things that I never thought I'd own... Treated me like a PRINCESS. Honey, you were a gold digger and your integrity got the better of you. Congratulations! You are on the road to happiness... Keep your scruples until you find a guy that is worthy! 6
mesmerized Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 I could never do it either. It just feels wrong and not fun. You're in law school, so that kinda shows you have some drive and not someone to mooch off others and that's a good thing.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 I don't think your situation generalizes to all younger women dating older men. The issue in your relationship was not just a matter of age but of a great difference in power and position. He was in a position to offer you a job and to give you everything you want to work for without your having to work for it. Unlike many young women you want to work for it. You want to find a man who's closer to you in age and position. Plenty of couples where the man is older by 10 to 15 years make it work without the woman being a gold digger. It all depends on the details.
Woggle Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Good for you for having integrity and honesty. 2
SmileFace Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 If he was closer to your age would you have had the sane problem with him being established?
Author Delicate Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 If he was closer to your age would you have had the sane problem with him being established? Honestly... Maybe not. But goodness it all just felt too weird to me. Just wrong.
SmileFace Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Honestly... Maybe not. But goodness it all just felt too weird to me. Just wrong. Yeah. I say chalk this one up to age and not being attracted to dating an older guy. It doesn't seem to have anything to do withing being noble about not being a gold digger since a guy was treating you nice - bullox. Just date in your age range.
edgygirl Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 That's why I never ever dated men who were much older than me. I don't like the idea of having a daddy to protect me. It would feel like I was going out with my dad ugh. I like my equals. Congrats you did the right thing and won't regret it. You don't need someone to "show you the way". You know your way and you'll be successful without needing a man to help you with that. Besides, it's a bit creepy to use connections of an older man you're dating that is in the same profession as you. I wouldn't like that for myself.
Shaun-Dro Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 So I recently broke up with my boyfriend (about a month ago or so), and I was distraught. One day not too long after the breakup, I met a man at the gym. He chatted me up. Pretty good looking older guy. Very handsome actually, and very established. Owns his own law firm and everything. Goodness he was so desperate for my companionship. He took me to restaurants I've never been to before. Bought me things that I never thought I'd own... Treated me like a PRINCESS. Took me to court with him, to watch him in action. (I'm in law school, so he can seriously help me get to the top with his connections), offered me a paid internship position at his law firm and everything. He's 40, I'm barely 21, when people saw us out, goodness the stares we got. People would look at him with such disgust. Women looked at me like I was this little gold digger. And honestly. I don't know what's wrong with me. But I just can't date a man that is already established. I don't feel that I deserve it. I want a man that I am with while he is broke. I want a man that I can struggle with until we make it to the top. Goodness he was throwing the world at my feet. Why couldn't I just take it? What's wrong with me? I broke it off with him. Left him in the middle of the night. Just got my keys, my purse, and LEFT. Spending the night with him is always so painful. He always wants to have sex, and I've only slept with my exboyfriend, I can't imagine giving my body to somebody else. I can't even look at his d**k. I won't even touch it. I barely let him touch me. I can barely kiss him. =/ He's an attractive man too... And so nice. But goodness. I just don't want it. I looked at other women. Who were with rich established men, and I used to think to myself, "man they are so lucky. just using their looks to get by, and men shower them with everything they want." Well this time, I used my looks to get ahead too. And goodness oh it just felt so rotten. He was only so nice to me because of my body and my beauty. I felt like a child. It was such an unequal relationship. Yes. I'm an intelligent young woman, but you can't teach life experience.. And he has way more life experience than me, it just didn't seem equal. Didn't seem fair And.. I just didn't feel like I deserved him. WHY should I have a rich man if I didn't help him on his road to riches? I hope I don't regret this. But I just could not do it. I feel horrible for leaving him in the middle of the night like that. I know I'll never speak to him again. I feel horrible cutting contact like this. I'm just not happy. I dunno what I was looking for. Good God. I'm so lost. Yea, something is wrong with you alright, because I'm 34 and never have to throw all that money just to land a young babe. I was messing with two young girls, but one got angry since I didn't respond to a test she threw at me so now I'm down to the last dame, aged 22. I went from 3 to 1 all in a few months time. I'll regroup. You need to get back out there and find another older dude, because we're definitely out there looking for you; the same with older women looking for younger studs, but I won't entertain the reasons for that. 1
GLDheart Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Well, good for you - The old dude OBVIOUSLY just wanted to nail some young tail. Way to not being reduced to essentially a prostitute (sex for gifts/status/career advancement). As for that old dude - HAAAHAA!! That cracks me up. But don't worry honey, he'll poor that kinda love on the next young thing that comes by. 2
rocketman122 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 I dont like this at all. you knew he has money. you knew he's successful and now you bitch about it. I dont believe in his tactics (flaunting money)but it works on specific woman. he spends money on you, treats you well and you still complain. like greznog said, he'll have no problem getting rid of you and getting someone else your age. a guy gives a woman everythig and she still isnt happy. you like money so dont kid yourself.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Well, he was trying to buy you through the gifts and dinner dates. Technically, it does make you seem like a gold digger, despite there being no exchange of money. But you did well, you didn't succumb to the excesses of material things.
lovebug1234 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 i think you're just too young. once you hit 27-29, your personality and confidence in yourself will stabilize, your values will change as you age as well.
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 I'm just gonna call BS right now you aren't 20 years old in law school.
bentnotbroken Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 I'm just gonna call BS right now you aren't 20 years old in law school. Why not???????
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Why not??????? Undergrad is 4 years so unless she graduated hs at 15 or 16 there is no way and even if she did and was in law school she would be a 1L. I guess it isn't absolutely utterly impossible but I only know 1 girl who graduated undergrad and was going to start LS at 21 not 20, and she did a ton of post secondary in HS that's how she got out of college so fast. If that's the case for the OP then congrats but I just seems doubtful. Also I 1L doesn't have the time to be galavanting around with some guy. That's probably the hardest law school year.
bentnotbroken Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Undergrad is 4 years so unless she graduated hs at 15 or 16 there is no way and even if she did and was in law school she would be a 1L. I guess it isn't absolutely utterly impossible but I only know 1 girl who graduated undergrad and was going to start LS at 21 not 20, and she did a ton of post secondary in HS that's how she got out of college so fast. If that's the case for the OP then congrats but I just seems doubtful. Also I 1L doesn't have the time to be galavanting around with some guy. That's probably the hardest law school year. Which is not only possible it happens a great deal, in particular with those in private schools or home schooled. Not to mention in my state HS juniors are allowed to take college classes (i.e. English, Literature....)at the same time they are finishes their HS careers. The OP is not out of the ordinary in the area I am from. Whether she has time or not a testament to OP organizational skills and time management. 1
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Which is not only possible it happens a great deal, in particular with those in private schools or home schooled. Not to mention in my state HS juniors are allowed to take college classes (i.e. English, Literature....)at the same time they are finishes their HS careers. The OP is not out of the ordinary in the area I am from. Whether she has time or not a testament to OP organizational skills and time management. ... Like I said congrats to her if she isn't lying but its not likely. If it was dont you think more people would do it? I know about post secondary classes.. It still doesn't explain how one graduates high school at 16 gets accepted into college, finishes and goes to law school by 20.. So like I said before BS. Then to galavant around with some guy when you could be studying cases... Not likely. So again like I said before kudos to her if she managed it but it sounds off to me.
Eclypse Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 ... Like I said congrats to her if she isn't lying but its not likely. If it was dont you think more people would do it? I know about post secondary classes.. It still doesn't explain how one graduates high school at 16 gets accepted into college, finishes and goes to law school by 20.. So like I said before BS. Then to galavant around with some guy when you could be studying cases... Not likely. So again like I said before kudos to her if she managed it but it sounds off to me. Don't assume she is in the U.S. Here in Australia (for example) most law degrees are undergraduate, although there are some Juris Doctor courses around. My friend got into Law at a top Australian university straight out of HS and will graduate when he is a bit under 24. 3
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Don't assume she is in the U.S. Here in Australia (for example) most law degrees are undergraduate, although there are some Juris Doctor courses around. My friend got into Law at a top Australian university straight out of HS and will graduate when he is a bit under 24. Very true... I shouldn't assume. 1
kaylan Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 (edited) Don't worry, for a man in his position you're easily replaced. Yup, replaced with a woman who lacks integrity, independence, and whos only with him until he stops ponying up the cash. Sorry, OP is the better woman instead of the gold diggers who froth at the mouth for a chance with a rich man. Edited December 10, 2012 by kaylan
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