20_upset Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Hey everyone i need some advise!! me and my boyfriend have been together for about 4 yearsand we have been living together for about 2 years. When we first started living together everything was good but then he quit his job and i had to put my schooling on hold so i could support us. And i was ok at first but he went like a year or more without a job and he wouldn't even look for one. Then just about two months ago he got a job with his uncle working in a different state being gone two weeks at a time then back a week. When he comes back he only hangs out with me for a few hours then he goes to his friends house or has me take him cause he doesn't have a car. Then he's over there till late and calls me when he's ready to come home and he passes out when he gets here and then in the morning he goes over there again leaving me at home alone. then last night he was over there and i was asking home to come home with me so written could spend time together just us and he didn't want to he wanted to hang out with his friends. So i call him at 12 in the morning cuz i haven't heard from him or his friends haven't brought him home and hrs doesn't answer i call him and his friends all night and no one answers.So i drive around trying to find them cause hey been drinking and o was worried. Then at 3 his friends call and say they went drinking and his passed out on there couch now. he called me this morning and and didn't think i should be mad and i tried talking to him about spending time and he was like i feel like your just wineing . and i told him i needed time to think and he hung up on me. I love him but i don't know if i should break up with him or what? please help !!!!
Mr.White Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 It seems like he is taking you for granted and you are letting him. Things have to change immediately, otherwise they will be the same. He sounds like he is just using you from my personal opinion but it could be his other work is stressful as well. Think and talk about it before you make any final decisions though.
Author 20_upset Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 Well i tried talking him today and he just thinks i have no reason to be man at him. and he doesn't act like he even cares he just thinks im over reacting and being a jerk. and i told him i wanted some time to think today so he should stay at hid friends house. and he keeps saying im cold cause im kicking him out and that he should have never move here with me. and i think he's trying to made me feel bad and all that kinda of stuff. so i don't know what i should do next.
Ladybug_sweetie Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Wow girl it really sounds a lot like I went thru two years ago...man I loved him so much and we had been together 5.5years. I did the same thing with schooling, because I was only 18 and wanted to live with him so bad..but he got to where he just stopped caring. I made most of our money and he just went out with friends and left me alone..i just wanted to spend time with him. Sometimes I would talk to him about it and after fighting and him making me feel bad, he would say sorry and that he loves me so much and things would be grwar for maybe a month, then it would continue to happen only worst everytime...and what was worst was that I didn't really have any friends cuz I did everything for him, so I'd always be alone..but I was too afraid to leave him cuz I loved him so so much and I didn't have anyone else...he couldn't ever keep a job due to his additude kinda lazy..but any ways I stayed with him and nothing changed but I just wasn't strong enough to make him leave, we ended up getting married cuz I wanted that so bad with him...BIG MISTAKE! He ended up cheating on me when I did start school again cuz he said he was lonely and that it's my fault we have no time together...but now I'm 24 years old and have already been divoriced...and we were the most perfect couple before we actually got out into the "real world"(out of high school) and he just wasn't ready to grow up...so girl please don't make the mistake I did...i know this isn't what u want to hear, but sweetie he probably isn't going to change if he doesn't care...and by what I read I don't think he cares...he probsvly really does love you, but he sounds like the type that doesn't want to be responsable and grow up...just like my ex. So my advice is the break it off or at least maybe give it a good break..i know you can do this! Because I did and we even married. I also had no friends to support me and I did it! So girl I know you can, just stay strong. He doesn't deserve you. If it helps I met a guy that is so perfect and I'm very happy now! Stay strong..how old you?
veggirl Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 How old is this guy? he sounds like a loser, does he have any plans for his future at all? or he is planning on mooching rides and $$ off you forever? Quit giving him rides to his friends house, why can't he buy a car? I can't believe you supported him for a year, putting your school on hold to support him?! Crazy. Do you think he would really care if you broke up with him? I guess he'd be sad to lose his free ride, but other than that? Don't you think a guy who actually cares about you would want to spend quality time with you? Why are you letting him treat you this way? Don't be his bitch, don't come running when he calls! Sheesh!
Treasa Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Dump him Dump him Dump him Dump him Dump him Dump him. My ex was like that, too. And then when I stood up for myself he told me I was being mean. I told him not to say that unless he wanted a real demonstration of me being "mean." Needless to say, he didn't take me up on it. Anyway, dump his sorry ass. Let him be his friends' problem, not yours. You deserve a lot better.
Ladybug_sweetie Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 O yea honey...u are still so young. I honestly thought my ex was my soulmate. I know everybody thinks that their partner isn't as bad as the bad boyfriends we read about from others. But really that's how we protect our feelings, we say things like," well her boyfriend does the same stuff why doesn't she just leave him, he obviously doesn't care about her." But no matter what when the tables are turn and its you in the situation, you think to you self,"well yea my boyfriend is hurtful but it's because his cares or some other reason we girls make up to make us feel better about us and our relationship, which is a form of denial...sad but true..we girls never want to believe that our situation is as bad as that other girls...when most of the time it is...trust me. I swore up and down that my ex cared, why? Well because that is what he always told me..after we would get into a fight and I would finally stand up to him he would act defensive for a while but then come back pouring his heart out to me, and I always forgave him...which got me nowhere.. Just so u know after my experience and seeing other suffer I am now going to school to get my degree in relationship physiology.( so in other words I study this stuff everyday.lol)my experience really inspired me and I'm a much better happier person. So girl you are too young to have to deal with that...so my advice is go have fun and be 20! Lol I missed out on alot of that type of stuff, hanging with the girls at local bars just having fun all the time! Take a road trip with some girl friends!! You musta started dating at 16?...well u were a kid then so this is probably ur first real boyfriend right? You are a woman now miss lady, leave the puppy love boy behind and find u a man! U deserve a man! And think about this do u really seriously love him or do u just like the idea of loving him because perhaps he promised u the world and has told you all that lovey stuff that every young couple does because love is still really new to them...seriously think about that. I remembered when I was asked that a long time ago and I thought," how could someone ask me that?! Or course I love him...he's my best friend, the love of my life, I always miss him so much when we're not together." But I was still just focused on what we've said about the furture and everything together to really step back and look and see that he really wasn't what I wanted and that we werent kids anymore and it was time to start the next chapter in our lives...believe me it wasn't easy I cried every night for a month and even tho he was hurtful and rude I still wanted to take him back but deep in my heart I knew I had to be strong and forget him 5.5years is hard but it is very possible. I have faith in u missy u can get over him I promise.
Author 20_upset Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 Thanks for all the advise guys!!
darkmoon Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 do you see husband provider and father in him? has he said?
veggirl Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 20!!!! Oh man. Yes please move on! Please ASAP and learn some boundaries.......don't ever ever ever let a man treat you like this again. Please learn this lesson at 20....you don't want to be in this situation when you are 30, 40, etc. 2
Ladybug_sweetie Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Hey girl, just thought I'd check in with u and see if you're ok..? Hopefully you've done the right thing, but if you need any more support, come back here.
rach24680 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 i was in a relationship for 4 years, 2 of the years good and 2 bad. I've been single for 5 months and i wonder why i didn't end it when i first became unhappy. Don't let yourself get treated like dirt, it isn't fair! It's obvious for some reason he doesn't want to spend his time with you, why should you be the one to do all the work when all he want's to do is be stupid with his mates after all you've done for him? Get your self respect back and either give him an ultimatum or just tell him to get out, he will either realise what he's got and put things right or he'll stay being a child with his friends and you'll realise you don't need someone like that because at the end of the day you don't even have a proper relationship! good luck!
Author 20_upset Posted December 14, 2012 Author Posted December 14, 2012 Hey thanks guys for everything. i broke up with him and i talked to his sister and found out he was goin to parties and all kinds of stuff and he was telling me he was always just playing video games at a friends. he keeps texting me telling me he loves me and im trying to stay strong and just ignore it. 1
Ladybug_sweetie Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Yay!!!! I'm soo proud of you! Very important that you do stay strong. My guess that he was very mad at first and tried to turn everything around on you, then maybe later that night he was pouring his heart out and telling you that he can change and that he'll do anything to get you back oh and that he's sorry...right? Well don't fall for it, he is just upset because he has lost all control...and he's probably wondering where he's going to sleep or how his going to get rides. Believe me my ex did just that, he called me names and was really mad at first then just 3hours layers was begging and pledding with me to take him back...i was sad at first and was so tempted to cuz he even bought me flowers...but I stayed strong and I'm so glad I did. You can do this, I promise! It may not be easy but it is the right thing to do! Time will heal your wounds. Yea after I broke up with my ex I found out alot that he was doing behind my back...o well, I dumped him now not my worry anymore! Remember, YOU GOT THIS!!!
Author 20_upset Posted December 16, 2012 Author Posted December 16, 2012 Thanks so much guys I couldn't have done this without all yalls support!!
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