cliffycashew Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 I'm 29 year old online dater, who has sent 2-3 emails over the past week. He recently asked over the phone "So why don't you just take your profile down and just date me?" two days before the first date. I said that was too soon, and he agreed to back off - but I'm pretty sure he's going to bring it up again when we meet. I am not one to date many men well into a relationship, or one to do anything sexual with one guy while still going on dates with another. But it seems like asking for exclusivity so early is a bit far, and maybe controlling/possessive? So I'm taking that as a potential red flag, but am also wondering what's going on in his head, how others would respond, etc. Thanks!
soccerrprp Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 There are many women who go into exclusive mode once they have started dating someone. That is to say, one person at a time. I believe ladies are more committed to making things work out, so will go into exclusive mode. Men, on the other hand, well, tend to keep looking, serial dating until a final decision has been made as to whom will be the target of their affections. 2
integralForest Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Definitely a red flag, but give him a chance to redeem himself in person. Its not uncommon for guys / girls to get played on those sites and maybe he has had a previously bad experience. 1
mysteryscape Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 I did an experiment on OKC -- one of their (countless) questions is what you prefer when NOT in a serious relationship? answers are: date one person at a time; date multiple people; don't date, only do serious ..... Of about 45 women who answered the question, the most common answer by about 8-1 was date one person at a time with a few answering only do serious and the rest date multiple. Admittedly, these were profiles that mostly were at least slightly interesting to me. My guess is he wants to see you without the anxiety that goes with knowing you're seeing other men, seeing you constantly online scouting out other prospects, the other stuff that goes with online dating even more than normal untrustworthy real life. The upside to you is if he reciprocates. Maybe he just wants to seriously explore a relationship rather than play endless online games. Why not give it a try, see if you like him? You might find yourself appreciating his offer. If not, move on. What's not to like?
Estate Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 I think it depends on the context so I'm not sure. Yeah, if he's really pushing it then it's too soon. At the same time maybe he dropped it in to meaning it to be slightly funny or cocky? But it might not have come off too well. I'd give it a chance, if he pushes it a lot when you talk again then yeah, red flag. If not, I'd put it down to being a throw away comment.
goldengirl11 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 I'm all for exclusivity when dating someone, but I don't think before I had met them!! 1
movingon12 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 The fact that he would even feel comfortable to ask you to be exclusive before you've even met him seems very odd behaviour to me. I wouldn't date more than one person at a time, but you haven't even started dating him yet! Definitely a red flag. 1
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 You haven't even met yet, and he asks you to be exclusive? How can you be expected to commit to someone you don't know? That makes no sense...well unless you're a mail order bride or it's an arranged marriage. Even then, you often meet once before it's a final commitment. For me, the request at this stage of things is strange and a red flag.
GLDheart Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 It's too soon to tell. BUT, if you had to label it, it's probably a sign of insecurity.
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