He called the police on me :'(

[Swe3tAngel]

So after a long time of fights and misunderstandings and emotional situations, my ex changed his # the same day that I told him if he did something like that, it would destroy me completely, but he did anyway because I broke his "trust" apparently. I sent out a letter saying I would never forgive him for ruining my life..and I was very upset.. but after that letter I stayed strong and decided to work on myself and accept reality that he wanted me out of his life.. i sent a letter two weeks after saying that I was doing fine and that I had no hard feelings etc etc.. so we didn't speak for a month...

 

A few days ago he saw me at school and I just walked by him and didn't say hi or show any emotion.. it was like I saw a random stranger.. and I did look different because I've lost weight and felt great.. he called me with a blocked # that night to apologize and my initial reaction was "its ok im doing fine no worries" .. but he didn't end it like that. he cried on the phone saying that i had ruined his life and that i destroyed all his comfort zones and been blind etc etc... so i said im sorry and if i cud go back in time I would do things differently n not hurt him... i tried my level best to keep my cool and b there for him and be understanding and also forgiving .. until he pushed it and put so much guilt on me that i started crying and it ended up being a huge argument and he hung up the phone on me...

 

so the next day i felt like a zombie n i emailed him saying that it wasn't cool what he did and that id appreciate some respect and he called me to say that it was the biggest mistake of his life to have called me to apologize and that i reassured him why he changed his phone # and that he wants nothing to do with me .. so i got emotional saying that it was so messed up for him to apologize n then take it back n add so much guilt on me and expect me to just stay strong again and go back to being all happy without him and i tried to explain to him that it didn't have to be so messy, that we could be simple and understand each other and try to be normal, and that we cud speak normally but he kept yelling and telling me that he wants out and that i shudnt speak to him ever again..and hung up while i was talking (of course i cudnt call bak because i don't have his #)

 

he saw me at school that day and said a 'bleh hi' and walked... and i was like we need to speak and he was cold and rude and all distant and i was like your actions are not nice because u contacted me so dont tell me to walk away when you are the one who came back and put so much guilt and emotional torture on me n wants to leave just like that.. but of course he yelled at me told me off and told me to F off that he didn't call to apologize it was a mistake and that he never wants to speak to me or see my face ever again and that it was a mistake and a slip up that he did that and told me to forget aboutt it... but really??? just like that? how cud I?.. that's totally wrong and an emotional torture... he walked away

 

after i went home i almost had a heart attack and i emailed him saying that it wasn't nice what he did to me and that i would never b able to forgive him again and i'm done playing the nice person and that this time I would hurt him back the same way he hurt me unless he called back and gave me respect!! and that I was about to have a heart attack and he ruined my healing and life and I would ruin him just like he ruined me and hit him where it hurts the most so that he would understand what he did to me.. (mind you this is the 3rd time he did this to me... 1st time he told me he couldn't commit and couldn't give me what i deserve and would never ever be with me no matter what i did, and so i walked away changed my phone # and told him nicely to leave me alone but he found my # without my consent, continued to text me and came to my house crying for me back...i gave him a chance back then... second time was when he broke up with me and after i cried a lot he stopped talking to me to only later come back and apologize and extended a hand in friendship and held me countless times in his arms and i could feel that he still had feelings for me so i forgave him even then... and this was the 3rd time where he changed his phone number and a month later called to apologize to only the next day tell me it was a mistake and he wants out) so anyway..

 

he called me crying after i emailed him and being all dramatic that im threatening him and he was all panicky and crying and begging me to leave him alone and i was like cut the crap and think of your stupid mistakes before putting so much on me.. i mean how many times can i be strong and be the nice one and get hurt while he doesn't care and when he cries, i should be so forgiving and understanding? and he hung up the phone on me

 

about 10 min later i got a call from campus police officer who was really nice (luckily) and told me that my ex called them so thy could ask me to stop emailing him so much and that he's scared of me...and the officer wanted to help me out and hear my side and i explained everything (even the fact that he's hit me countless times and i never contacted the police) and the officer said that he took my side and that he's a jerk and that he didnt want to report it because if he did i would get kicked out of school and he wanted to help my case and basically told me to stop emailing him /threatening him.. and i was shocked and i said okay and the officer reassured me that he took my side and that my ex was wrong to do what he did and basically hes' a jerk and that i shudnt waste my time...

 

but now I'm so shocked, so depressed, horrified that my education can be jeopardized if he gets a restraining order against me.. when its him who messed up... and I'm an idiot that regardless of all this crap, i still feel partially responsible and i still care somehow although i'm so done, but i just cant collect myself and say f it and move on again i lost all my strenght i just deep down wished that one day he would come back on his own n we would at least talk normally and try to be friends.. but i feel like now that is ruined and i just don't know how to explain what i feel but it sucks .. im really devastated i feel like i cant trust anyone ever again or be capable of loving... and i think im the stupidest person in the world that i still love him :'( :'( and although i can go and get a restraining order against him just as easily as he called the police on me, i can't find it in my heart to do something like that.. how could he do this to me?? by calling the police on me (even though he said he didnt want any charges against me or any report on this) .. but still.. that just means that he doesn't care AT ALL about me, right?

 

why would he contact me to apologize to only the next day take it back and then call the police on me and not report it.. i am a mess

[darkmoon]

keep a low profile, prove you can behave, no need for a restraining order then, the guy might be wrong, but you can't afford to do anything other than calm right down to make a better impression, the drama is over

 

maybe he'll come back if you are who he was first attracted to, not the woman he hangs up on tbh, be a better version of yourself than that

 

for now date others more compatible than him, you were fighting like cat and dog, I think you're two people who should never have met, better times ahead anything being better than this tit-for-tat story

Edited December 9, 2012 by darkmoon

[betterdeal]

why would he contact me to apologize to only the next day take it back and then call the police on me and not report it.. i am a mess

 

Sounds like he's a mess too. When we get overly emotional, what we do often just doesn't make sense. Emotions swirl and roll around. They can change in the blink of an eye.

 

What we know is that this episode between you two has left you deeply upset, and I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Keep clear of him, try not to make sense of it, or take the blame, or even blame him. Just focus on making yourself feel safe and settled again. Look to friends and family for company. Pamper yourself. Have a hot bath with bubbles. Remember it will not always be this way.

[Swe3tAngel]

keep a low profile, prove you can behave, no need for a restraining order then, the guy might be wrong, but you can't afford to do anything other than calm right down to make a better impression, the drama is over

 

maybe he'll come back if you are who he was first attracted to, not the woman he hangs up on tbh, be a better version of yourself than that

 

for now date others more compatible than him, you were fighting like cat and dog, I think you're two people who should never have met, better times ahead anything being better than this tit-for-tat story

 

my only fear is if he actually goes along with the restraining order and tries/gets me out of school... that's the only thing that makes me want to take action before he does against me... regardless of how i feel about him, i don't think its fair to me what he's doing and i think i have to respect and love myself more and stand up for myself because i forgive him every single time that he slips and he is used to it and intentionally or not, he takes advantage of me and sucks out my energy and somehow is rejuvenated by it :'( i don't want him to suffer or be kicked out, i dont want that to happen to me either.. what i want is for him to realize his mistake and realize my worth and come back to me for a real apology and make up for all the pain he caused me and then for me to decide whether i want to be friends with him / take him back or not... but i believe i deserve that much.. do you think there's any chance of that to happen?

[Swe3tAngel]

Sounds like he's a mess too. When we get overly emotional, what we do often just doesn't make sense. Emotions swirl and roll around. They can change in the blink of an eye.

 

What we know is that this episode between you two has left you deeply upset, and I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Keep clear of him, try not to make sense of it, or take the blame, or even blame him. Just focus on making yourself feel safe and settled again. Look to friends and family for company. Pamper yourself. Have a hot bath with bubbles. Remember it will not always be this way.

 

my only fear is if he actually goes along with the restraining order and tries/gets me out of school... that's the only thing that makes me want to take action before he does against me... regardless of how i feel about him, i don't think its fair to me what he's doing and i think i have to respect and love myself more and stand up for myself because i forgive him every single time that he slips and he is used to it and intentionally or not, he takes advantage of me and sucks out my energy and somehow is rejuvenated by it :'( i don't want him to suffer or be kicked out, i dont want that to happen to me either.. what i want is for him to realize his mistake and realize my worth and come back to me for a real apology and make up for all the pain he caused me and then for me to decide whether i want to be friends with him / take him back or not... but i believe i deserve that much.. do you think there's any chance of that to happen?

[darkmoon]

"my only fear is if he actually goes along with the restraining order"

 

tell the campus police, it was a misunderstanding, sorry for any inconvenience, it won't happen again

 

"i want is for him to realize his mistake and realize my worth and come back to me for a real apology"

 

look, this situation is not going in this direction

 

"and make up for all the pain he caused me"

 

but you hurt him too, which you need to acknowledge, and to not blame him tbh

 

"and then for me to decide whether i want to be friends with him / take him back or not"

 

you must stop thinking this cuz at this time he's elsewhere

 

"... but i believe i deserve that much.. do you think there's any chance of that to happen?"

 

he is out of the picture atmo, move on, you may get another chance with him but not right now

Edited December 10, 2012 by darkmoon

[Swe3tAngel]

"my only fear is if he actually goes along with the restraining order"

 

tell the campus police, it was a misunderstanding, sorry for any inconvenience, it won't happen again

 

"i want is for him to realize his mistake and realize my worth and come back to me for a real apology"

 

look, this situation is not going in this direction

 

"and make up for all the pain he caused me"

 

but you hurt him too, which you need to acknowledge, and to not blame him tbh

 

"and then for me to decide whether i want to be friends with him / take him back or not"

 

you must stop thinking this cuz at this time he's elsewhere

 

"... but i believe i deserve that much.. do you think there's any chance of that to happen?"

 

he is out of the picture atmo, move on, you may get another chance with him but not right now

 

 

 

 

ya i will be contacting the campus police to 1. make sure the officer who called me was an actual officer because he called first blocked, then with a cell phone number and also flirted with me which was kinda weird.. 2. if it was a real officer then i will take your advice and tell the campus police what you said so that way i can make sure he doesn't do anything stupid to get me out of school because that would ruin my life and i would take him to court for hitting me countless times and deport him from this country since he's only here with a student visa

 

when you say the situation is not going in that direction where he'll realize my worth.. you mean i should forget that will happen or you mean what is happening right now is not going to make it possible for him to realize my worth... what can i do differently so that he can realize my worth and realize his mistakes??

 

i have hurt him yes, but i have always apologized for my mistakes and always acknowledged the mistakes and one way i did that is by always giving him a chance and forgiving him for his mistakes and i mostly hurt him when he hurt me first which i know is no excuse, but i need to work on that since i get so hurt and in defense i say something back which reminds him of past and hurts him since he thinks im rubbing things in which is not true at all.

 

yes i do know he is out of the picture and i believe part of the reason he is out is because he knows he is still hurt and he gets aggressive and loud very quickly and needs to calm down and give me place to calm down also but by saying he would never ever call me again or want to see my face and be with me/friends with me is what fears me that it's over for good.. i just hope and pray that he will realize his mistakes and calm down and ask for a sincere apology and il also have time to recover and heal and that way ill be a lot stronger when he contacts me so i can be logical and be the type of girl for whom he'll need to work hard for and keep for a lifetime and not hurt and take advantage of.. =/

[darkmoon]

"ya i will be contacting the campus police to 1. make sure the officer who called me was an actual officer because he called first blocked, then with a cell phone number and also flirted with me which was kinda weird.."

 

He was being nice, seeing a lovers' tiff - a problem as old as the hills

 

"2. if it was a real officer then i will take your advice and tell the campus police what you said so that way i can make sure he doesn't do anything stupid to get me out of school because that would ruin my life and i would take him to court for hitting me countless times and deport him from this country since he's only here with a student visa"

 

]A violent man is not worth knowing, but stay cool, cuz you have no proof, too, he is the college official, he's quasi-real

 

"when you say the situation is not going in that direction where he'll realize my worth.. you mean i should forget that will happen or you mean what is happening right now is not going to make it possible for him to realize my worth... what can i do differently so that he can realize my worth and realize his mistakes??"

 

candidly, you can't keep on the way you are n expect him to be drawn to you, your actions have not made this happen, see, and about your worth, same thing, so stop accusing him, tbh, it would put most anybody off

 

"i have hurt him yes, but i have always apologized for my mistakes and always acknowledged the mistakes and one way i did that is by always giving him a chance and forgiving him for his mistakes and i mostly hurt him when he hurt me first which i know is no excuse, but i need to work on that since i get so hurt and in defense i say something back which reminds him of past and hurts him since he thinks im rubbing things in which is not true at all"

 

you must accept that he feels you are rubbing things in, this rubbing in is his side of the story

 

"yes i do know he is out of the picture and i believe part of the reason he is out is because he knows he is still hurt and he gets aggressive and loud very quickly and needs to calm down"

 

stop any further critism, cuz he's not listened to it (but then, who does??)

 

"and give me place to calm down also but by saying he would never ever call me again or want to see my face and be with me/friends with me is what fears me that it's over for good.."

 

I know you still want him, but ffs, let things calm down

 

"i just hope and pray that he will realize his mistakes"

 

get out more, have fun, all this brooding of yours is doing is upsetting you, not him, he's half-way out the door, not really seeing/looking for mistakes, maybe one day you'll both talk crucially without quarreling/raised voices

 

"and calm down and ask for a sincere apology, and il also have time to recover and heal and that way ill be a lot stronger when he contacts me so i can be logical and be the type of girl for whom he'll need to work hard for and keep for a lifetime and not hurt and take advantage of"

 

well, best of luck, note ppl even divorce and re-marry, love is unpredictable xx

Edited December 10, 2012 by darkmoon

[Swe3tAngel]

"ya i will be contacting the campus police to 1. make sure the officer who called me was an actual officer because he called first blocked, then with a cell phone number and also flirted with me which was kinda weird.."

 

He was being nice, seeing a lovers' tiff - a problem as old as the hills

 

"2. if it was a real officer then i will take your advice and tell the campus police what you said so that way i can make sure he doesn't do anything stupid to get me out of school because that would ruin my life and i would take him to court for hitting me countless times and deport him from this country since he's only here with a student visa"

 

]A violent man is not worth knowing, but stay cool, cuz you have no proof, too, he is the college official, he's quasi-real

 

"when you say the situation is not going in that direction where he'll realize my worth.. you mean i should forget that will happen or you mean what is happening right now is not going to make it possible for him to realize my worth... what can i do differently so that he can realize my worth and realize his mistakes??"

 

candidly, you can't keep on the way you are n expect him to be drawn to you, your actions have not made this happen, see, and about your worth, same thing, so stop accusing him, tbh, it would put most anybody off

 

"i have hurt him yes, but i have always apologized for my mistakes and always acknowledged the mistakes and one way i did that is by always giving him a chance and forgiving him for his mistakes and i mostly hurt him when he hurt me first which i know is no excuse, but i need to work on that since i get so hurt and in defense i say something back which reminds him of past and hurts him since he thinks im rubbing things in which is not true at all"

 

you must accept that he feels you are rubbing things in, this rubbing in is his side of the story

 

"yes i do know he is out of the picture and i believe part of the reason he is out is because he knows he is still hurt and he gets aggressive and loud very quickly and needs to calm down"

 

stop any further critism, cuz he's not listened to it (but then, who does??)

 

"and give me place to calm down also but by saying he would never ever call me again or want to see my face and be with me/friends with me is what fears me that it's over for good.."

 

I know you still want him, but ffs, let things calm down

 

"i just hope and pray that he will realize his mistakes"

 

get out more, have fun, all this brooding of yours is doing is upsetting you, not him, he's half-way out the door, not really seeing/looking for mistakes, maybe one day you'll both talk crucially without quarreling/raised voices

 

"and calm down and ask for a sincere apology, and il also have time to recover and heal and that way ill be a lot stronger when he contacts me so i can be logical and be the type of girl for whom he'll need to work hard for and keep for a lifetime and not hurt and take advantage of"

 

well, best of luck, note ppl even divorce and re-marry, love is unpredictable xx

 

 

 

 

thank you ... your responses were logical n make sense.. i have been going out working out having fun and doing whats best for me (before he contacted me again) and now im going back to doing that.. i think you are right.. i need to stop pointing fingers and expecting things... i need to accept things as is and take blame when needed and understand if i want things to cool down, it has to come from me first and not rub anything in regardless of what he says or what he does even if his words bite and hurt like crazy, i should stay cool and collected.

[Swe3tAngel]

"ya i will be contacting the campus police to 1. make sure the officer who called me was an actual officer because he called first blocked, then with a cell phone number and also flirted with me which was kinda weird.."

 

He was being nice, seeing a lovers' tiff - a problem as old as the hills

 

"2. if it was a real officer then i will take your advice and tell the campus police what you said so that way i can make sure he doesn't do anything stupid to get me out of school because that would ruin my life and i would take him to court for hitting me countless times and deport him from this country since he's only here with a student visa"

 

]A violent man is not worth knowing, but stay cool, cuz you have no proof, too, he is the college official, he's quasi-real

 

"when you say the situation is not going in that direction where he'll realize my worth.. you mean i should forget that will happen or you mean what is happening right now is not going to make it possible for him to realize my worth... what can i do differently so that he can realize my worth and realize his mistakes??"

 

candidly, you can't keep on the way you are n expect him to be drawn to you, your actions have not made this happen, see, and about your worth, same thing, so stop accusing him, tbh, it would put most anybody off

 

"i have hurt him yes, but i have always apologized for my mistakes and always acknowledged the mistakes and one way i did that is by always giving him a chance and forgiving him for his mistakes and i mostly hurt him when he hurt me first which i know is no excuse, but i need to work on that since i get so hurt and in defense i say something back which reminds him of past and hurts him since he thinks im rubbing things in which is not true at all"

 

you must accept that he feels you are rubbing things in, this rubbing in is his side of the story

 

"yes i do know he is out of the picture and i believe part of the reason he is out is because he knows he is still hurt and he gets aggressive and loud very quickly and needs to calm down"

 

stop any further critism, cuz he's not listened to it (but then, who does??)

 

"and give me place to calm down also but by saying he would never ever call me again or want to see my face and be with me/friends with me is what fears me that it's over for good.."

 

I know you still want him, but ffs, let things calm down

 

"i just hope and pray that he will realize his mistakes"

 

get out more, have fun, all this brooding of yours is doing is upsetting you, not him, he's half-way out the door, not really seeing/looking for mistakes, maybe one day you'll both talk crucially without quarreling/raised voices

 

"and calm down and ask for a sincere apology, and il also have time to recover and heal and that way ill be a lot stronger when he contacts me so i can be logical and be the type of girl for whom he'll need to work hard for and keep for a lifetime and not hurt and take advantage of"

 

well, best of luck, note ppl even divorce and re-marry, love is unpredictable xx

 

 

just one "teenager like" question tho.... after everything that you read about my situation (not everything because there's a lot of detail that i didn't write down - many good ones - and bad ones too) ..but still, just getting the jist of things... do you think he will contact me again?

[darkmoon]

just one "teenager like" question tho.... after everything that you read about my situation (not everything because there's a lot of detail that i didn't write down - many good ones - and bad ones too) ..but still, just getting the jist of things... do you think he will contact me again?

 

not while this is going on or its aftermath, but it's quite possible that he still fancies you, take a step back, I believe anything is possible with patience and faith so read books about affirmations, I wouldn't get too worried because that stops the process which can take years tbh.

 

Too, look how pretty Kate won William back after a huge public split (ouch).

 

I can be of no more help, except to say that this same guy you fell for so hard will look like sh*t when he gets to age fifty, not so lovely then, but gross.

Edited December 10, 2012 by darkmoon

[Swe3tAngel]

not while this is going on or its aftermath, but it's quite possible that he still fancies you, take a step back, I believe anything is possible with patience and faith so read books about affirmations, I wouldn't get too worried because that stops the process which can take years tbh.

 

Too, look how pretty Kate won William back after a huge public split (ouch).

 

I can be of no more help, except to say that this same guy you fell for so hard will look like sh*t when he gets to age fifty, not so lovely then, but gross.

 

 

lol thanks

i wish i was a teenager n liking a guy for his looks but its a lot more than dat... i never thought he was good looking i fell for his brain, for the way he treated me and for everything he did for me and all.. if it was just for looks, id be over it by now but unfortunetly, spending a year with him, living with him, sleeping and waking up next to him and taking care of him like his wife cut me deep.. but yeah, i can just take care of myself and worry about my side and just hope he realizes soon enough and we can get another chance at this, or at least i will be the one to decide

[Radu]

Get help.

 

Really, you are both messed up ppl and drawn to each-other.

 

After all he did you still ask 'will he contact me again'.

Get help.