Canadian guy Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 I've been separated from my wife of 3yrs for getting on 3months now. My wife initiated the split and moved out of the house. We had issue for quite some time but nothing that we couldn't work through the only problem was that it was the same issue that kept coming up time and time again. My biggest issue was that I didnt like the way my wife spoke to me. She would often belittle me and make me feel useless and make out that I never contributed to the relationship. The truth is I think I was the only one with any backbone to keep it going. Every weekend i would clean the house and wouldnt expect her to lift a finger. I would always cook for us at the weekend and I made sure that every morning before I went to work that she would get a cup of tea and a kiss before I left. Small things I know but I was far from detached from the relationship and her as a person. Anyways my wife joined a gym a while back, got a personal trainer and before you know it shes spending most of her time at the gym?? Suddenly I'm coming home most nights to an empty house and doing all of the cooking/washing up every night. Very quickly the whole dynamic has changed and she gets really distant she then drops another bomb and starts going out with her friends every sat night and gets so drunk shes hung over on the sunday and i no mood to do anything with me! We went on holiday toegther back in Sept and i was really hoping that we could build bridges and get close again without any of the external crap back home getting in the way. The entire holiday all she did was moan and make little or no effort to get closer to me. Instead shes constantly texting her friend saying how boring it is (beautiful weather, all inclusive!!) and that she cant wait to be back home so that they can go out clubbing??? She also bought one of these girlie magazines which talks of how all these girls are having amazing one night stands and how exciting it is and I look at her and I can see in her eyes that this is the sort of stuff she wants to be getting up to. Needless to say once we got back we lasted a week and she leaves. I cut all contact for three weeks as I am a mess and cant think straight. Finally we meet up and discuss things and she is pissed at me for not chasing after her and calls me selfish for always wanting her to make the first move!! ? In my mind she should have to make the first move. As the person leaving you have to decide if it is something you want to enter back into the last thing I want is to have to persuade someone to come back to me, how wrong is that!! Anyways I also found out that three weeks after we broke up she was in a club and ended up kissing some guy because she felt crap that I hadn't tried to get in touch with her or fight for the relationship (sounds like an ego boost to me). I also find out that she has been out drinking with the personal trainer. Seriously you are out of a marriage 3 weeks and you are pulling this crap?!!!? I havent been able to look at another girl let alone think about going on a date with one! aAnyways I'm rambling but my point is that today I just cant gether out of my head. I was looking at pictures of her and how beautiful she was and I just started crying. I cant help but think I've made some massive mistake and that maybe things wernt as bad - what if being single turns out to be worse than my marriage? I also get really upset when I think of all the drunken one night stands she must have had by now! My wife. Someone I though would never be like this, someone I thought was innocent. God this is horrible I just dont know why Im still wrapped up in someone who gave up!!?
candyland123 Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 You may not want to hear this but your spouse was verbally and mentally abusing you. You need time away from this person, it is difficult to rebuild self-esteem after someone spends every day tearing you down. From what you post here she has done you a favor. Obviously I don't know the whole story and could be misinterpreting but give yourself some time. I am 3 months out after the divorce. I think this is very common to believe we have made a mistake, we miss our spouse, and want to go back to our comfort level. Resist we will get stronger with time. Try not to contact her for a bit. Be with your friends and write here or journal your feelings. You may be surprised to look back in a month or two and see the changes.
whichwayisup Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 She's put this all on you, and that's really unfair. You did everything you could to reconnect with her, to try to save the marriage. Sadly, when one person wants out and isn't willing to make any effort, this is what happens.. Separation and probably leading to divorce. As much as you love her, look at how she's treated you. That isn't love at all. It's emotional abuse and being intentionally cruel. I know you're hurting and are sad.. I hope you feel better soon.
TiredFamilyGuy Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Don't take yourself at her estimate of your worth. Divorce. Sounds like she's checked out of the marriage long past. Sorry for your pain. But face facts.
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