Hopeful714 Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 I'm in the 3rd month NC now. I would have wished I would be further along in the recovery stage now and I'm getting pisse* that I'm not. I woke up today and just started crying hysterically out of no where. I am going to list some things that are bothering me hoping for some advise. -He cheated & lied constantly. Basically throughout the whole relationship. He wanted me around every weekend, called me daily, called me his girlfriend, but I wasn't enough. He needed attention from other women and would sleep with other girls here and there for that thrill. I am a very pretty, smart, educated, physically fit, fun girl. I have a great job and make good money. I am a nice girl. Yet he would pick up slutt* women. Towards the end I felt little affection from him. I almost felt he wasn't attracted to me anymore. I can't compete with these stripper type chicks. I don't even want to, but I'm beginning to feel like I need to have fake boobs, dress like a who8e and be a complete ditz with no brains to get any attention and/or get a man because this is what they look for. -He has many friends. Most my friends are married or out of town so I really don't have a social circle to hang out with anymore. I have been in lock down in my house. I am tired of going places ALONE. And feeling ALONE. I want to meet new people, but I really don't think Im ready to date yet. But still...how the heck am I going to ever meet anyone? I dont want to internet date...its not my style. My ex was a VERY attractive built guy. I will never get anyone like him again even though I know he was a conceited douchba*. Will I ever even find anyone I'm attracted to again? I know its so superficial to consider someone's looks that important. But it is...you need to be attracted to someone physically. -In a sense I have some jealousy of him. He's hot, can get any girl he wants, has decent house, tons of toys like a bike, nice truck...etc. All his "mama" bought for him. He has no worries....because "mama" is always there to bail him out of trouble or throw money his way. She even does his grocery shopping. I have/had to WORK my a** off for everything I have. My life hasn't been easy. I always am conscious of how I treat people, what I do, what I say so that I don't offend anyone. I live my life trying my best to do the right thing. And here I sit ...3 months later after a complete breakdown this morning posting on LS when he is waking up right now with some other whor* drinking coffee and having a good 'ol time? Where is the justice in this? Why am I suffering and he just moves on like nothing. He used to say he cared about me. I believe this to a certain degree otherwise he wouldn't have spent the time with me he did for 15 mos. But still..constant lies, secrecy. I didn't even know who he was or what was real or fake. I was the one that basically ended things after feeling in my gut there was another cheating incident on his part. Concrete proof? No, but I go by what my gut was telling me and the feelings I was getting off him. Towards the end I felt like I was being driven to insanity. Not knowing what to believe or make of things. Anyhow one would think there would be an apology? An attempt to make things better? A text or call to at least see at least how I am doing? I tried 2 times to try to talk to him and I got blown off. Then he sends a text 2 weeks past my last attempt that says "I'm sorry." Really? WTF did that mean? I never answered...it was our last contact. After spending 15 month and me spending every wknd at his house, bringing food, cooking, helping him with chores, errands....all for him yet never even a b-day gift for me or something, anything to make me feel I was special. The last argument he says "I gave you time" Ok...so he's so great that I am supposed to be thankful for that? So really, how do I get my esteem back? How do I move on from this? It was AWFUL the way I was treated. AWFUL. And I didn't deserve this at all. Sorry..I just had to vent. Bad bad morning today and any help would be appreciated. Thanks
KathyM Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Don't waste your time with douchebags. They're not worth it. Nothing to be jealous of about him. Would you really want to be the kind of person who doesn't value anything or anyone, and just uses people, including his own mother? Don't put up with crap from men. At the first sign a guy is a douchebag, then drop him. You've put up with way too much for way too long with this guy. You need to value yourself and expect men to value you as well. If you allow men to treat you like crap and get away with it, then they will continue to treat you that way and they will think you don't deserve to be treated better. When a guy shows you he's an ass, then don't sit there and put up with it. I don't care how good looking he is. You need to value yourself more than that. First time he shows you he's a cheater or an ass, then drop him. Life is too short to waste with those types of men.
na49 Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Well first I think you should understand we all have bad days. I have some days where I don't really miss my ex and this morning I woke up thinking how she used to be laying in my bed with me telling me we were going to get married and I was her angel and blah blah blah! Feels like only yesterday that was the case.. Well I can't feel sorry for myself forever and neither can you. Our trust is what got us hurt in the end. My ex cheated on me too. We can only hate them and blame them for our hurt for so long. Eventually it falls on us to keep going. Even if it isn't our fault, we are the only ones hurting ourselves now. Your ex lived his life before he knew you, and he's going to keep living it after he was with you (for better or worse). We have to do the same. Also don't sell yourself short, he may have had good qualities, but he definitely had more bad ones. He's just like you and me, and isn't God's gift to the world.
Author Hopeful714 Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 I know I should have left long ago and I did try at times. I was met with the resistance of him saying I was the one who had trust issues, and that "he was not like that." "I would never do that." Trying always to make himself sound like a man with character when he was not. Telling me I was insecure...when in reality...I'm not. His lies had me spinning and caught in his web where I couldn't decipher if I was correct in my assumptions or just being paranoid. It was crazy making. Yea...people say you reap what you sow, or Karma will get him in the end. but really? Ive been around long enough to see this is not always the case and these types people just keep getting away with it time and time again with out any form or recourse. It annoys me. Bad.
Author Hopeful714 Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 And I'd like to hear from some guys on this slu* image thing. Did I waste years of my life and thousands of dollars on education, and purchasing my own home and necessities to live? Maybe I should have just hung in bars, ran my as* in debt, and got fake ti8s and giggled all the time. I suppose I would have ended up with many more opportunities that way.
KathyM Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 And I'd like to hear from some guys on this slu* image thing. Did I waste years of my life and thousands of dollars on education, and purchasing my own home and necessities to live? Maybe I should have just hung in bars, ran my as* in debt, and got fake ti8s and giggled all the time. I suppose I would have ended up with many more opportunities that way. Opportunities for what? To hang with douchbags and be mistreated by them? Would you really want that? Aspire for quality in a man, not quantity. You're not missing out on anything by not holding on to a douchbag.
Author Hopeful714 Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 I've been looking for quality my whole life. And have arranged my life in a quality fashion in order to find one. I'm just very frustrated because what Ive been seeing is most men cheat regardless if he's a douchba* or not....and go for a type of girl that deep down inside....I'm not. Sure I can be sexy. Sure I can be fun. But there is also a serious side to me. There has to be.....I'm soley responsible for myself!!!! Do I really need to fake being "barbie" 24/7? Why cant anyone appreciate what I have to offer?
Suziee Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Darn it. Like you, I wasted 15 months on a guy that clearly did not deserve me. I sure hope I won't still be feeling like you do three months after the break-up (it's only been two weeks in my case). Hard to get the brain and heart on the same page. You know that you deserve better but it sucks just the same to accept that the relationship you invested 15 months of your life to has gone down the drain. Just imagine what your future would have been like with a loser like him. Be glad you're rid of him. Try to find some comfort/relief/satisfaction in that. Imagine what it would be like to be in a good relationship with a great guy that truly cares for you. Lots of coping advice on this forum. Good luck, Hope.
KJBA2816 Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 You sound like me, except we broke up over 3 weeks ago and I broke NC today after 3 days and before I broke it after 6 days basically because I found out he has a new girl.. We were together for 14 months and now 3 weeks later he has someone new?! - I can only advise what others have aboard, keep NC and try and get back to your old self. I feel how you do now, I just don't want to do anything. It's so hard and tough especially around this time of year, I just feel so sad but chin up and you will find confidence and self esteem you once had, keep going, you're doing better than me. Much love x
Recommended Posts