Aslanbek Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 I'm married in a horrible relationship. I am assuming that sometime sooner or later I will be back on the market. Before I got married out of desperation I was a failure with women, and I dread that happening again. I cannot stand having no love or affection in my life. My wife is a cold fish so I get laid very little, and after divorce I will be incel and you cannot know how badly I fear that.
dasein Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Well you only go around once. One day in the future you may wish you had tried a different path in life when you had the chance. If you have grown and learned some via experience, you may find yourself less of a failure with women than you think. Will have to try to find out, consider it an adventure.
Author Aslanbek Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 Well you only go around once. One day in the future you may wish you had tried a different path in life when you had the chance. If you have grown and learned some via experience, you may find yourself less of a failure with women than you think. Will have to try to find out, consider it an adventure. Oh, I really wish I had taken a different path. I wish I wouldn't have gotten married, and I wish I hadn't have married her. She has made me miserable. Every day I try to see her and speak with her as little as possible. I see all kinds of women I find attractive, but I can't deal with them 1. because I'm married ans 2. because I really don't know how to talk to or attract women. I got married because she was pretty aggressive in pursuing me; she pursued me because she was a single mom who thought I was going to make a lot of money. 1
terlislee Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get a divorce you seem to have no respect for your wife. Nobody made you marry her and yet you did for all the wrong reasons. Once you are single again it's only up to you how much success you will or won't have dating. Quit the passive attitude and acknowledge what you have to offer - you have to be content with who you are otherwise you will keep coming off as desperate. Talking to women is not rocket science so don't approach it as such.
Author Aslanbek Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get a divorce you seem to have no respect for your wife. Nobody made you marry her and yet you did for all the wrong reasons. Once you are single again it's only up to you how much success you will or won't have dating. Quit the passive attitude and acknowledge what you have to offer - you have to be content with who you are otherwise you will keep coming off as desperate. Talking to women is not rocket science so don't approach it as such. I'd get a divorce in a minute if I thought I wouldn't be screwed out of my children. And I don't know why you say I have no respect for my wife, but you need to remember that respect is a two-way street. I am a very confident, accomplished person in many ways, but that confidence vanishes where women are involved. Yes, I acknowledged that I married the wrong person for the wrong reasons. I was desperate because I was in my mid 20s and had never had a girlfriend. So yeah, I was a loser who screwed up my life. And as much as you'd like to believe it's not true, talking to women- at least going from how's the weather to romantic or sexual - is all but impossible for me. I'm just not good with women.
Esoteric Elf Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Aslanbek, I smell desparation, and desparation often breeds discontent. Life alone is a life of walking a path without anyone, but, pause and think. Surely those who walk the path after many years deserve respect, but, what of those who walk alone? Do they not, in some regard, merit more respect? With a partner, one can lean on that partner and trust in him/her for advice and aid, especially in times of trial. However, when one walks alone, one must overcome the obstacles in life without any dependable aid. Obstacles overcome can be more fruitful. See relationships as they are. If you are not "compatible" with the partner, there should be no compulsion on your part. If you even hesitate in saying, "yes", then the answer is "no". Living a life single has its negatives and positives as all aspects of life do; you may be more suited for single life.
Overthirtymale Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 I'm married in a horrible relationship. I am assuming that sometime sooner or later I will be back on the market. Before I got married out of desperation I was a failure with women, and I dread that happening again. I cannot stand having no love or affection in my life. My wife is a cold fish so I get laid very little, and after divorce I will be incel and you cannot know how badly I fear that. Just understand that not all people are suppose to procreate. Its part of evolution and natures plan. Undesireable women and men will die off, survival of the fittest.
melodymatters Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Just understand that not all people are suppose to procreate. Its part of evolution and natures plan. Undesireable women and men will die off, survival of the fittest. Oh, well now that's just BS ! Go to your local trailer park and look at the fat women with ankle tattoo's and their felonious, non working, baby daddy #4. If anything it's the opposite. More educated people tend to wait longer to have kids, have fewer children, or decide on a child free life style. 1
Author Aslanbek Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 Aslanbek, I smell desparation, and desparation often breeds discontent. Life alone is a life of walking a path without anyone, but, pause and think. Surely those who walk the path after many years deserve respect, but, what of those who walk alone? Do they not, in some regard, merit more respect? With a partner, one can lean on that partner and trust in him/her for advice and aid, especially in times of trial. However, when one walks alone, one must overcome the obstacles in life without any dependable aid. Obstacles overcome can be more fruitful. See relationships as they are. If you are not "compatible" with the partner, there should be no compulsion on your part. If you even hesitate in saying, "yes", then the answer is "no". Living a life single has its negatives and positives as all aspects of life do; you may be more suited for single life. Yes, I married out of desperation and stayed that way out of desperation. I know I should have stayed single back then, but now things are complicated. I just know how much I hated being alone and now I'm stuck with someone I just am not compatible with.
Author Aslanbek Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 Just understand that not all people are suppose to procreate. Its part of evolution and natures plan. Undesireable women and men will die off, survival of the fittest. I have procreated, so that's moot. So is the notion that I am in any way unfit. Other than that, yeah, you make lots of sense.
terlislee Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 I'd get a divorce in a minute if I thought I wouldn't be screwed out of my children. And I don't know why you say I have no respect for my wife, but you need to remember that respect is a two-way street. I am a very confident, accomplished person in many ways, but that confidence vanishes where women are involved. Yes, I acknowledged that I married the wrong person for the wrong reasons. I was desperate because I was in my mid 20s and had never had a girlfriend. So yeah, I was a loser who screwed up my life. And as much as you'd like to believe it's not true, talking to women- at least going from how's the weather to romantic or sexual - is all but impossible for me. I'm just not good with women. I wasn't trying to attack you, but I really don't think you should be worrying now about whether or not you will find someone after/if you leave your wife. And well saying about somobody you are with them out of desperation doesn't scream respect at me, which doesn't mean I'm trying to defend her in any way. I don't know anything about her or your marriage, so won't comment on that. I'm sorry I suggested a divorce, I thought you were pretty much decided. I understand it's not black and white and it's up to you to make a decision that's best for both you and your children. Anyway, I think your insecurities around women come from lack of experience with interacting with them, which can be easily remedied. If you don't have a social anxiety in general and are not shy around men there's no reason why you should be around women, it's all in your head, you need to work on your fear of rejection. For a start stop telling yourself you screwed up or that you are not good. If these issues with women run deeper than that you should consider seeing a therapist.
Esoteric Elf Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Just understand that not all people are suppose to procreate. Its part of evolution and natures plan. Undesireable women and men will die off, survival of the fittest. It takes a mature or self-hating person to lay down their ambitions/needs/wants and say "no procreation for me". I know of such a man, unfortunately he is quite the musician and philosopher, but with medical problems likely to be carried on to his offspring and lest his offspring suffer debilitating conditions as he does (his condition evades cure), he has opted out. I myself thought procreation was not for my vile form with a heterogeneous combination of the former reasons providing basis for my thought.
Author Aslanbek Posted December 15, 2012 Author Posted December 15, 2012 I wasn't trying to attack you, but I really don't think you should be worrying now about whether or not you will find someone after/if you leave your wife. When the tension gets high and it seems as if divorce is inevitable, I reflexively think about the future. You have to understand that I never had a relationship before this one and was very lonely and depressed as a result. I don't want that to happen again. And well saying about somobody you are with them out of desperation doesn't scream respect at me, which doesn't mean I'm trying to defend her in any way. I'm being honest. Don't think that I didn't and don't love her - I do. Don't think that I wasn't and am not attracted to her - I am. But I was not mentally in a place where I was ready to settle down and get married. As I said, I had no other relationship experience to draw upon before this, and I just wasn't sure she was "the one." I didn't think we were that compatible and I was nervous about taking on a parental role. I stayed in the relationship because I was afraid I wasn't going to find anyone else. So desperation it was. Would most people marry the first person they ever had any type of relationship with? I don't know anything about her or your marriage, so won't comment on that. I'm sorry I suggested a divorce, I thought you were pretty much decided. I understand it's not black and white and it's up to you to make a decision that's best for both you and your children. Anyway, I think your insecurities around women come from lack of experience with interacting with them, which can be easily remedied. If you don't have a social anxiety in general and are not shy around men there's no reason why you should be around women, it's all in your head, you need to work on your fear of rejection. For a start stop telling yourself you screwed up or that you are not good. If these issues with women run deeper than that you should consider seeing a therapist. Yes, the bolded is quite true; I didn't grow up around women and when I got interested in them romantically and sexually I didn't know what to do. I was always told that some girl would show me what to do, but when you are not attractive that does not happen. I don't know if my social anxiety is limited totally to women or if there is a bit of it with men also. I of course can talk to men most of the time, but I am a guy and I am not trying to get them to like me romantically or sexually. As a younger man I had a lot of female friends, actually, but that got me absolutely nowhere as a man looking for women, or at least just one woman. I have been seeing therapists for decades, but my problems are not close to being solved.
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