Inappropriate contact with other women. Can't take anymore.

[Therese]

We have been married for 6 years and every year - there has been some issue with my husband flirting/communicating inappropriately with other women. He has sent emails and messages to other women which included pics of his genitals and they have sent similar pics back. I have been made aware of this communique as a result of my "snooping" through his emails, etc. (which I don't feel bad about). In fact, I JUST found another email with this content.

 

I have tried to work through it with him, but really, I am plain tired of it and am beginning to believe that it is not going to get any better. We have 3 kids (13, [mine from a previous relationship] 4, and 4 months). The kids are the only thing that are making me vacillate when it comes to leaving him. I am very hurt by this and really do not think I can take anymore.

 

What should I do?

[Toddbt12y1]

Do what is best for you and your kids. He is clearly being utterly disrespectful to you, as his wife. You have told him how you felt about this, and he has continued onward with his disrespect. Him sending pictures of his private areas to other women, is in the end, no different than cheating(and he could be at that.)

 

He is causing you intense emotional agony, and that is no better than abuse. He has no honor, and no shame. You should not have to live like this. Always in fear of his wrong-doings, and being held emotionally captive to this pain. I cannot tell you to divorce him, that is up to you. But clearly this boy, doesn't care about how you feel on the matter, or he would have stopped.

[CarrieT]

Sounds like you had major issues when you posted over a year ago about him going out "and doing this thing" while you were home with the kids.

 

Nothing had changed - if fact, escalated?

 

You can either insist on marriage counseling if you want to stay in the marriage or leave. If he doesn't see what he is doing is detrimental to the relationship, there is no fixing him.

[Therese]

I appreciate all of these responses and agree with each of you. I guess I just thought things would get better. I've stayed mainly for the kids because I don't know how I would survive with 3 of them. I'm thinking an indefinite period if separation... Or possibly a set-up like that movie, Hall Pass. We definitely need time apart.

[CarrieT]

I don't know how I would survive with 3 of them.

Insist on 50% custody so that you have some down-time and he shares in the responsibility, plus insist on a decent alimony package.

[Tara247]

We have been married for 6 years and every year - there has been some issue with my husband flirting/communicating inappropriately with other women. He has sent emails and messages to other women which included pics of his genitals and they have sent similar pics back. I have been made aware of this communique as a result of my "snooping" through his emails, etc. (which I don't feel bad about). In fact, I JUST found another email with this content.

 

I have tried to work through it with him, but really, I am plain tired of it and am beginning to believe that it is not going to get any better. We have 3 kids (13, [mine from a previous relationship] 4, and 4 months). The kids are the only thing that are making me vacillate when it comes to leaving him. I am very hurt by this and really do not think I can take anymore.

 

What should I do?

 

My MM friend did this to me. He could be a sex addict. You should find out.

[Gagirl]

You should post those pictures on the Internet for the world to see. Make him think one of those other women did it. He might think twice about sending out pictures of his privates after that. You could also make fun of him for being such a nasty old man too.

[BetrayedH]

A wise poster here once said, "Once a cheater, not always a cheater. Twice a cheater, always a cheater."

 

I will defer from advising you on divorce but I will say that nothing will change until you make a change. He likes doing it and (to some extent) you're permitting it.

 

The successful reconciliations I have seen around here started with a betrayed wife kicking the WH out of the house and telling him to go be with his other women. They didn't accept him back until he had proven that he was done with the OW and had done enough introspection (via individual counseling) to truly change his ways. He would be suffering the consequences of his actions and be forced out of his current situation where he has you and his OW on the side. He won't change the status quo until you show him that you are unwilling to accept the status quo.

[KathyM]

I would suggest contacting an attorney, opening up a separate bank account, making sure that you fund the separate account before kicking him out. Then filing for a legal separation, and for alimony and child support. It sounds to me like he has some kind of sexual addiction if he keeps sending women pictures of his genitals, and that is no person to stay married to or raise a family with. Time to do damage control and salvage your future, rather than waste more years trying to get him to change. Highly doubtful he will change.

[Gagirl]

You won't to jail for posting a few pictures on cheaterville. Men who do this sort of thing are cowards and just want it to disappear quickly. He would never report this to the police because he doesn't want the truth to come out. The police wouldn't do anything anyway since he is the one who sent the pictures out to begin with. It would a be huge embarrassment for him. This is how a friend of mine solved her problem. He never found out who did it but he sent his girlfriend packing, closed his LinkedIn and FB accounts and isn't sending out dirty pictures anymore.