charlietheginger Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Well dont know what to think About this.... A women from my past i met a yr ago We chatted she had zero interest... But was chatty talking about her Life this was at a dog park We talked about her school classes Her music taste being she had a "thecure" Tshirt on i mentioned i saw thecure at curiousafest A few years before. Her dogs name was Shelia So now a yr later 40lbs lighter I see her i pick up the conversation Hey shelia petting her dog hows school This women had no idea who i was And asked me to a christmas party Next saturday... We exchange text and she ask how does She know me ? I explained i lost weight now she text me what Im doing tonight and if i wanna shoot pool.. I polity declined but told her i definitely Look forward to next weekend and maybe Hangout sooner its just that i already had Plans tonight she sent a smiley text noproblem... Here is my concern .. This women talked with Me a hour a yr ago didnt even remember me? Now invites me to shoot pool? And a party? Im on the fence now i know she is superficial And only dates because of outside appearances... Im still the same guy as i was 40lbs heavier.. This is how i looked 1yr http://i47.tinypic.com/63yhbm.jpg this how i look today http://i45.tinypic.com/3484vir.jpg
coffeebean201 Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 She sounds ok - maybe give her a chance and get to know her better and see if you enjoy her company/attracted to her. ? Big congrats on your weight loss...!
Lonely Ronin Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Jesus you are paranoid man. For all you know, she could have been in a relationship a year ago, or had a million other reasons to not be interested then. 4
mortensorchid Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Superficial? Well, yes we are superficial no matter how much we'd like to say otherwise on it. If you were once fat and lost the weight, then people (like her) will treat you differently than they did before. I used to be 45 lbs heavier than I am now, and I notice the difference in how others treat me (from close friends to coworkers to random strangers you encounter). It's more socially acceptable to be a drug addict or an alcoholic than it is to be fat, I had to learn that the hard way. So congratulations on loosing the weight first. Second, give this gal a chance. If she is really superficial and not a good person to begin with, she will show her true colors somehow. But give it a shot. 1
ja123 Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Congrats on the weight loss! I agree with another poster: she could've been in a relationship or something. You can only verify if she's really superficial by giving her a chance.
ascendotum Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 That's funny asking you out after knocking you back previously and not realising it. I would have mixed feelings. I would make her feel a bit of dick, by asking her why she was asking me out now when she flipped me off when I showed interest in her at the start of the year when she was single. (of course she can easily side step any inference to your weight by just saying she was still getting over her last relationship and not ready for dating) At the same time though, I realise weight gain or weight loss (whatever the case may be) plays a big part in attraction. The reality is If this woman was a beefy woman and lost 20kg there is a very good chance I would find her more desirable as a result, so I get it. If beyond the fact that she knocked me back a year I thought she was a great catch then and still now, I would still go out with her. If I just thought she was okay but nothing to get me day dreaming over + my desire for her had diminished because she rejected me in the past, I would quite possibly decline, especially if my prospects were now better.
Survivor12 Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 It's also quite possible that along with your physical change, your outward persona has also changed. A few years ago, I lost several "sizes" (I never keep track of pounds) and although I didn't realize it at the time, being more comfortable and confident in my own skin translated into bmy being perceived as more outgoing and approachable. Seems to me that it may be worth your time to get to know her better before making a negative assumption...after all, isn't that what you're objecting to in the first place? And, as the saying goes, two wrongs don't make it right. 2
SJC2008 Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Superficial? Well, yes we are superficial no matter how much we'd like to say otherwise on it. If you were once fat and lost the weight, then people (like her) will treat you differently than they did before. I used to be 45 lbs heavier than I am now, and I notice the difference in how others treat me (from close friends to coworkers to random strangers you encounter). It's more socially acceptable to be a drug addict or an alcoholic than it is to be fat, I had to learn that the hard way. So congratulations on loosing the weight first. Second, give this gal a chance. If she is really superficial and not a good person to begin with, she will show her true colors somehow. But give it a shot. You notice the difference?? You'll still wind up with a d-bag and post about it here a year later... But hey, different strokes for different folks! 1
SJC2008 Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Back then you were a guy making small talk with her in the park. Now you're a cute/handsome guy she's taking a liking to... Is she supericial?? Hard to say, we all draw the line somewhere as to how heavy a person we'd date... Good luck!
mesmerized Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Your logic fails but I understand why it upsets you. You weren't physically attractive before and you are now. When it comes to dating, physical attraction in the key. Would you right now date a big girl? Probably not. Would you have dated her if she was thin? Yes. 1
Author charlietheginger Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 why do you type like that? I write in theatrical performance style. This would be the performer talking or acting... Resting and puasing before he speaks... As if you were reading a script or a play right... (each ... = brief thinking ) (each break lines = takes breath puase) Now that you understand you must read my repley Not as a mere sentence but as a performamce. Ok guys (breath) I understand now i was a fat slob i let My weight get outta control... (thinking) (breath puase) i do feel losing weight made me feel at eaze With my self and more extrovered ...(thinking) (breath) I"m gonna trying putting my fat past behind Me ...(brief puase breath sigh) (break form new thought) And just be glad im having attention from More people period...(thinking ok done) Guess three years of acting ... Reading scripts got me typing like one.
Sith Apprentice Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 There's nothing superficial about not being attracted to someone who's morbidly obese. You are now at a healthy weight so it's obvious you're gonna get more attention from the ladies. When I was 35 pounds overweight I couldn't even get IOI's from fat chicks, but as I lost weight I noticed more and more women checking me out. It's just the way it goes.
Radu Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Have fun with her, don't take it seriously. Don't be too bothered about the hypochrisy of it all, you are just simply doing what every woman out there does anyway ... make quick judgements about someone you meet based on past experiences.
Author charlietheginger Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 guess my problem is when i was a fattie I always thought of myself as a lubby Dubby teddy bear... Now i know its not true...its just not true Women want looks they want chisled jaw Lines flat tummies... I have mixed emotions.. Being fat was eazier No one talked to me i never had to talk back. Now women smile at me invite me places its Kinda confusing how something like the shape Of your face or stomach attracts people... Makes me kinda sick how superficial the world Is... Just how looks make all the differences in how People treat each other
Radu Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 What you felt was probably akin to a self-defense mechanism [mine was self-deprecating sense of humor coupled with a cinic attitude ... it still gets laughs]. At my highpoint i was 120 pounds overweight. Remain thin, but try to picture yourself as a lubby dubby teddy bear. Picture yourself like this and let your body follow through. Chiseled jaws are the result of lots of testosterone, they are attractive to women because of this. Now that you noticed both worlds, and you notice this bull****, you can use it to your advantage. Do not speak, just watch them, listen to them, and see how they react. If they will be mean or not give any attention to ppl which are 'different', than you have your answer. Hence why i said that you should 'use' this girl.
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Why did you chat her up and befriend her dog a year ago? I'm guessing she wasn't the homeliest woman at the dog park? Or the plumpest woman you met that day? I'm guessing that you found her physically attractive so selected her to try and pick up. No hypocrisy there of course. Drop the self-sabotage and your insecurities about your weight. These are self-limiting. As others have said, you have no idea why she was less friendly a year ago. Focus on what matters. She's interested now! 2
fortyninethousand322 Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 My advice is to forget about her. Seriously forget her. Make up all kinds of stuff in your mind about her being a bad person in general (regardless of interest in you). If you try to date her or even hook up you will resent her and possibly yourself. These are legitimate feelings, but you have to learn to walk away. You are a new person, start fresh. Stop carrying baggage from the past.
ja123 Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Even if you walk away from this girl, and meet another. Who's to say that the new girl wouldn't have rejected you a year ago when you were wearing the extra weight. You'd never really know, would you? The second girl could be just (if not more) superficial, yet never tested. For argument's sake (because we don't know for sure), let's say this girl who's interested in you now, did reject you becasue of your weight last year. Is it a crime to be attracted to someone who is fit, and not overweight? Didn't you reject yourself on some level, too, because of the weight? How else did you find the motivation to change and lose it? You wanted something better for yourself. A better version of you, and you went out and made it happen! 2
fortyninethousand322 Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Even if you walk away from this girl, and meet another. Who's to say that the new girl wouldn't have rejected you a year ago when you were wearing the extra weight. You'd never really know, would you? The second girl could be just (if not more) superficial, yet never tested. For argument's sake (because we don't know for sure), let's say this girl who's interested in you now, did reject you becasue of your weight last year. Is it a crime to be attracted to someone who is fit, and not overweight? Didn't you reject yourself on some level, too, because of the weight? How else did you find the motivation to change and lose it? You wanted something better for yourself. A better version of you, and you went out and made it happen! You're thinking logically. This is a psychological issue. It's perfectly natural to not be attracted to somebody physically unattractive. But, it's also perfectly natural to assume that someone would be attracted to you as a person beyond the physical. So, many times in this situation the now thin person gets resentful. If you want to avoid this you have to start anew. 2
zengirl Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 A few points. FIRST: Why did you lose the weight? At least part of the reason was probably to look better, improve your social life, and be more attractive, right? Well, it worked. SECOND: If the issue is, "Does weight matter in dating?" the answer is, "Yes, it does." To some people, it matters more; to others, it matters less. I imagine everyone's impacted by physicality in some way and a huge amount of weight loss or gain is a noticeable change in physicality. The biggest problem with superficiality is the degree to which someone focuses on it. From your story, I can't really say if this woman is what I'd consider overly/more than usual superficial or not. Really, you never asked her out before. She never insulted you or avoided you for your weight (from your story). She chatted with you. But she wasn't attracted. Since all she really knew about you was the physical, and still pretty much is, that makes total sense if you weren't physically attractive. That doesn't sound like an overly superficial person to me - it sounds like EVERYONE. Most women won't actively ask a man out unless they are really attracted to him. Apparently she's really attracted to you now. It's a compliment. At any rate, she doesn't KNOW you. You aren't friends. You don't know each other deeply. Nothing about her invites is coming from who you are, sure, but it couldn't be, because she doesn't know you. That's how many dating situations start, unless you date primarily through your social circle or some other means where you can actually KNOW each other first. Most dates start superficially. THIRD: The real problem is the perceived, psychological rejection from the past. She makes you feel like the fat guy, so she may never be a good option for you. No worries. Be flattered by the attention and turn it down. Feel empowered and proud of yourself for losing the weight. Now your outside better draws people in to see what you've got going on inside. Great! The real problem isn't her or the superficiality of society - it's just that you feel dissonance about your weight loss because it makes you feel bad about yourself and who you used to be and probably sparks some fears about going back, I'm guessing. Instead, remember that the guy you used to be was still great and he was awesome enough to decide to lose this weight and improve yourself further. Good going! 3
phineas Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 (edited) guess my problem is when i was a fattie I always thought of myself as a lubby Dubby teddy bear... Now i know its not true...its just not true Women want looks they want chisled jaw Lines flat tummies... I have mixed emotions.. Being fat was eazier No one talked to me i never had to talk back. Now women smile at me invite me places its Kinda confusing how something like the shape Of your face or stomach attracts people... Makes me kinda sick how superficial the world Is... Just how looks make all the differences in how People treat each other Hello, I lost 100lbs over two yrs. 50lbs down I was where you were last yr two yrs ago. Took a yr to drop the next 50 & last yr I was where you were. I'm 5'8" that much extra weight on my frame. yeah, plus I was "beta" as hell lol! It's an adjustment & let me give you some advice. LET IT GO! I had a few women that led me on & I allowed them to chump me. I had to tell them "see ya" when I realized I was still to fat for them. Had a few women that friendzoned me & used me for attention. Had a few that just wern't interested. The one's that led me on were the first one's who contacted me when I updated my Facebook profile pic. I went to see them because they wanted to see me & I really had no interest in dating them & they all got pissed at me when I said i'd love to be friends. LOL! The one's who friendzoned me I went out with & I realized I didn't even like them anymore because they were just annoying. LOL again. The rest, just go with it bro. Your transformation is nothing short of amazing. i'll bet a lot of people you hadn't seen in a while didn't even recognize you. All the female attention is going to mess with your head. Chicks will approach you & start asking you out depending on your age bracket. The older you get the bolder they get due to a dwindling supply of in shape men as you climb in age. Also, you will start to see you are no longer attracted to fuller figured gals like you were once before because you are aware of what you put in your body & anyone who isn't the same will turn you off. also check out this thread. Were you treated differently after losing alot of weight? - Bodybuilding.com Forums Lots of other guys went through the same thing. It might help you deal. Edited December 9, 2012 by phineas
phineas Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Also OP, if you got some time I strongly suggest you check out this forum & read this thread. Lots of other guys went through the same thing. Were you treated differently after losing alot of weight? - Bodybuilding.com Forums
Imported Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 OP, you should only date fat chicks. If you look at a girl and feel attracted, disregard her. It would be superficial to go after a girl you're actually attracted to physically. Or you can do what a lot of girls do. Go for physical attraction, but claim it's not because of how they look, but a whole bunch of other "qualities" . You can even make a list of these "qualities" to point to to prove you're not superficial. 2
LittleTiger Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 She didn't recognise you! You look different so why would she? If she had recognised you I would be more concerned...... "Oh hi, yes I remember you, you were seriously overweight......you look hot now though, fancy a date?" She didn't recognise you - that's all - I wouldn't expect someone I talked to in the park a year ago to recognise me (even though I am hot! ) Have a great date - hope it works out.....and congratulations on the weight loss - major achievement! 1
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