hugznkisses21 Posted August 11, 2004 Posted August 11, 2004 Help!! Me and my BF had a fight last night. I started it cause I was sick of feeling like this! This has been something I have gotten upset before and brought to the table and I feel terrible doing it again but I have to take care of myself and how I feel too. It is all about time. We see eachother once a week if im lucky twice. This is tough for me. All my friends have moved away and I do think that this doesnt help. I bring up yet again last night how I feel he should make for of an effort to see me and make time for me instead of just saying to me well let me see if anything has to be done that day, kinda like im on the side burning incase something comes up. He will not commit to a day~! Am I eing selfish? I put a lot of effort into this and go to his place when ever he has time for me and I am the one that initiates a get-together not him. I feel like crap today cause he says to me that if he has to make extra money working he will....I understand taht totally but dont make me play second fiddle to everyone! I want to be priority sometimes. Is that wrong? Anyways I pissed him off...I think mostly cause he is tired of this issue being brought up and I feel that maybe it is being brought up again cause nothing has been done about it. I know he loves amd and I love him and he says he really cares about me but he can't help hes busy. What is some advice. I feel like a messtoday cause it ended last night like this Him: Ok lets just leave it here I have to go to bed and u have to go to bed Me: Ok (crying) Him: We will talk tomorrow about this Me: Ok (Crying) (I cry alot im emotional) HIm: I love you Me: I love you I afraid this is his last straw with this....I don't want to loose him but I also dont want to have to make all the comprimises in the relationship. ***This is what I was thinking...get a second job or go back to night school to becomes less needy and more independant on him and keep myself busy*** Advice?
Papillon Posted August 11, 2004 Posted August 11, 2004 Crying is fine! You have a right to cry! It's in the constitition! Somewhere...I think... (Or at least, should be! ) I think it's a pretty good tactic to leave an argument till the next day, though we should never ever go to bed angry. When we're angry and/or emotional, we tend to say things that shoulda been left unsaid. I just hope that he isn't using it as an avoidance tactic, that he actually just wants to procrastinate about the issue more. I believe in the power of letters. Writing letters allows you to organise your thoughts and put you grievances forth in an unemotional fashion. The thing I see here often is that many people know what they're unhappy with, but they're not really prepared to put in any effort in helping the other one solve the issue. They subconsciously say "We have a problem, YOU caused it, now YOU fix it.". So, to avoid that, list your grievances, what you want to be done about them, and how you are prepered to compromise to reach that goal. You'll also be amazed how this tactic will make you realise how you might be contributing to a specific problem.
Author hugznkisses21 Posted August 11, 2004 Author Posted August 11, 2004 Very good insight. I have wrote Just because letters before so I think that he is so used to them they may not be effective anymore if u get what I am saying. People are telling me don't call let him call you. was I wrong to bring this up over and over again if I still feel this way? Do I apologise for staring this? I have a guilty conscienece
Author hugznkisses21 Posted August 11, 2004 Author Posted August 11, 2004 I feel like crap...my tummy hurts how am I going to get through this. I can't help thinking that he is thinking about breaking up and when/if he does call will it me with the news that he has been thinking of this......ALL CAUSE OF ME AND MY BIG FRIGGAN MOUTH
Papillon Posted August 11, 2004 Posted August 11, 2004 Don't be paranoid, silly woman. You're the one who has been turning the screws, and HE probably thinks you wanna break up with HIM. Just relax, make a nice dinner, give him a massage, and all will be fine. At least, use it as a delaying tactic so you can get on you feet, if you are really worried that he wants to leave. You're a woman, dammit. You have some special toolz and skillz. Use'em!
Author hugznkisses21 Posted August 11, 2004 Author Posted August 11, 2004 i KNOW i KNOW We dont live together so we cant just run to eachother and hug when theres a problem or do any of that stuff. I do worry alot everyone tells me that...Its waiting that is tough. I told him I want to see effort. I know he loves me but i want the actions to make me feel loved. He usually calls on my way to work when he feels bad about something...So far nothing
Papillon Posted August 11, 2004 Posted August 11, 2004 Hey! Don't make me come over there to cheer you up!
Author hugznkisses21 Posted August 11, 2004 Author Posted August 11, 2004 I just wish we did argue so much. I think that we have fallen into that rut that relationships sometimes fall into...is that normal to have a argumenting period? i heard it happens around 1 yr to 18 months? Anyone??
Papillon Posted August 11, 2004 Posted August 11, 2004 Hell, my relationships never last that long! Bahahaha
mehim Posted August 11, 2004 Posted August 11, 2004 dont feel so bad hugs, im in the same exact situation, well i mean the seeing part. me and my bf have been together for almost two years, and i never saw him more than once a week, when we are together. its not that he doesnt have time, he does, not all the time, but i mean he could make an effort to come and see me, or me see him. but he chooses not to. im always the one that initiates to meet, im the one that is almost always ready to see him, whenever he asks which is rear. but there is one thing with my bf, its mostly his personality, cuz sometimes u know when someone is about to ask u to go out, u just feel it in their tone of voice, he tries to ask me to got out but takes him forever, so i just tell him ok are u asking me to see u. its like so hard for him to ask me to see each other, like he is scared to show that he really wants to spend time with me. also one other factor, that we dont see each other so much, is that we come from very strict culture, and if we spend too much time together, they might get suspicious, so we try to keep it on the down low, although our friends know that we date. sorry i went off the subject a little. back to the subject, when u say he might think about breaking up wit u cuz of that, i dont think its likely, he probably thinks that u may want to break up with him. well thats what i did, my and my bf didnt talk to each other for three weeks, and then he calls me up, like there is nothing wrong. i told him i still loved him, but i cant do that, i love still love myself a little bit more. so i broke up with him, we broke for two months, we wanted to stay friends, so he always kept in touch, to the point where he would call everyday, he used to tell me how stressed out and depressed he was. so he asked me to get back together, but i told him about how i felt about us not seeing each other, (it was more than a week sometimes) so he promised me that we would see each other every week at least once, mostly on the weekends, i told him otherwise i just wont talk to him. and it worked out fine, but then few months later we broke up for something that happened between us, had nothing to do with seeing each other. i hope my post has helped u a little bit, cuz u r not the only one going through this, and honestly i feel better also cuz i know im not the only one that had that problem.
Author hugznkisses21 Posted August 11, 2004 Author Posted August 11, 2004 Thanks mehim, Im happy to see im not alone. He doesnt initiate mostly cause he has no time and if he doesn say he will feels bad i think if he has to cancel. I know he is very very busy but I think he like the fact that I chase him and am head over heals for him. Its like he sits back and loves it...and then when i make a big deal about it he gets to play innocent and make me fear I am screwing up everything....men love to be chased. So i have decided that well will forget it all I love him and things were wonderful before and I will find new things to occupy my time...not sure what just yet and work my hardest to not depend on him so much and the time we will have will jsut be all that much special instead of always trying to make up when I see him. You helped a great deal! I dont like fighting with him but it is important to me to express my feelings to him
Recommended Posts