Bewitched33 Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 For two years I have been dating a man 10 years my junior. I am 38, he is 28. We both work demanding jobs yet our evenings and weekends are free. We live in the same town and have several mutual friends. Yet, we barely see each other. It's become quite an issue in our relationship. I feel that we should see each other more than four times a month. Additionally, we barely speak on the phone. If I call I usually go to voicemail. I rarely get a call back. I'll text and I may or may not receive a response. More often than not i find myself sitting at home alone wondering what he could possibly be doing that he can't find 30 seconds to text me a hello. This isn't new behavior for him. It's been this way off & on during our two years together. I've tried speaking with him several times and it never changes. I've just gotten to the point that this isn't acceptable anymore. We were supposed to sit down and discuss things this evening and here I am waiting for him to show up with no answer to my texts. Am I being unreasonable? I've invested two years in a relationship that seems to be barely more than an acquaintance at this point. I'm disappointed, mad, and upset. Am I asking too much by thinking I deserve more of his time and if he's not into this relationship an explanation?
veggirl Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 FFS no you aren't being unreasonable! Well it is kinda unreasonable that you put up with this for 2 years!! But that's beside the point now I guess... I wouldn't even bother with "discussing" it with him, just send him a text and tell him you're done! He won't even care, I'm sure....if he cared he'd answer your phone calls and want to see you more than once a week. You're sure you are his only girlfriend....? Anyway, regardless, time to throw the towel in...wow. Seriously just text him and end it. he doesn't care.
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 Someone lit my legs on fire, then ran them over with a car....is it reasonable that I was in pain? or was I just overreacting? That's basically how it comes off Bewitched. Doesn't sound like you are in much of a relationship at all...more than an arrangement to see someone 4 times a month. Not sure how you stayed interested in this with conditions like that for so long, did you really think he would just change if you talked about it? Nothing changes a persons feelings, and he just doesn't have the same feeling that you do. Or he'd make more than an effort and take more action to try and see you and spend time with you...it's just that simple. The craziest thing is I'm sure you'll even still have a hard time letting go, letting go of what? only you can say...but you should mad, angry and disappointed with yourself for being in a relationship like this and just bearing through it...you've got to be able to read the writing on the wall, or you'll be strung along for a looooooooong time, and you can only be naive for so long, then you're just in denial. I don't even think there is much to say to him honestly, it doesn't sound like anything emotional is really there. He's likely with someone else as well, unless he's in some kind of depression mode just hanging out at home all alone, which is a big IF.
edgygirl Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 I know there are a few relationships with an age gap that do work, but it wasn't the case for me. I was in the same situation as you. It just doesn't work. Be realistic. Most 28 yo guys will reach a point after the fun is over, that they will realize there's no point getting tied to a 38 yo with the clock ticking. They can take their time and find a 25yo with plenty of time to make a decision to marry them. I will never ever go through this again in my life. Been there done that and I regret it a LOT. Move on and find a man who wants the same thing out of life as you do - being it having a real relationship, getting married with kids or just spending quality time together. You don't deserve to lower your expectations for ANYONE.
Yookie Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Am I asking too much by thinking I deserve more of his time and if he's not into this relationship an explanation? Someone who is into you will want to spend time with you. It's painfully obvious that he is not into this relationship by his actions. Don't wait for an explanation because it doesn't matter why. It only matters that you understand that he is spending time where he wants to be and its NOT with you. Stop contacting him period. Do not answer his calls or texts. Don't waste anymore time on this man. Use that time to meet others.
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