GF broke up with me because she lost feelings. Can i win her back?

[dwight 12345]

We've been going out for a month but before that we were close and friends with benefits for a while. She told me a couple weeks ago she was losing feelings for me and I was upset. I don't think she was infatuated with me because we are very close and she broke up with her bf for me. We broke up 4 days ago .A couple days ago she asked if I wanted to go eat and I said sure because she's really been trying to talk to me. I told her how I felt about her and I'm sorry if I did anything wrong and we can fix this. She was very sad she couldn't even eat. I told her I didnt care anymore and she started to cry. But obviously I do care. I think it was because she didn't know what to do. I told her it was all my fault and she denied it. I'm positive there is no one else. Do u thinkshe lost feelings for me because it was my fault? She keeps saying its just how she is. She still like me but says it's not enough for a relationship. She wants to go back to how it was,friends with benefits with no emotions. I called her an told her "I'm sorry if I hurt you and made you cry. I know I'm always telling you you're always messing up. I messed up more. Losing you was my biggest mistake. I don't expect anything from you. Just wanted to let you know." And then she said it's not your fault it's mine. I just said "if that's what you think." We had a short normal conversation after and I told her I had to go. Sounded like she still wanted to talk. Yesterday at school she was around me when I was with my FrIends and I made it look like I was having the time of my life but I was purposely ignoring her. Then in class I was talking to my friend (she's a girl) and I also made it look like I was having loads of fun. My ex tried getting in our conversation and she was laughing at the stuff I was saying. She also kept staring at me and touching me telling me my muscles got bigger and bringing up memories. Should I contact her or wait? What if I don't and she completely loses feelings?

[na49]

Well it sounds like if your relationship was only a month that she realized she likes you more as a friend than a partner. If this is the case, then how do you feel about living in the friend zone? I'm not her so I can't tell you she wants you back, but unless she tells you she does. It's better to assume she doesn't. Don't bother contacting her. She can't miss you if you don't go away. So disappear from her for a while, let her see how much you love life without her (even when you don't) and eventually she should try to find her way back into your life.

 

and if she doesn't, then you know how much she didn't care and you'll be better off.

[magnoliasoutherly]

She still like me but says it's not enough for a relationship. She wants to go back to how it was,friends with benefits with no emotions.

Well that part is over. She doesn't want a relationship, and emotions are already involved. I hate to say it, but it sounds finished. More in a moment.

 

Then in class I was talking to my friend (she's a girl) and I also made it look like I was having loads of fun. My ex tried getting in our conversation and she was laughing at the stuff I was saying. She also kept staring at me and touching me telling me my muscles got bigger and bringing up memories. Should I contact her or wait? What if I don't and she completely loses feelings?

From what you are saying, it sounds like she is a bit jealous but she doesn't sound like she's in a relationship still. She's hoping for the FWB, but it's probably not a good idea. You want more, she doesn't, that will only lead to bad feelings later on. In all likelihood, it would not end well.

 

Now if you really don't care about her on an emotional level, then fine. But think about her dating others and being with other guys. If that bothers you, then you're in for some hurt later.

 

Good luck and hugs.

[dwight 12345]

So you're saying I can't do anything to get her back?

She touches me to get my attention. She always does that so I can talk to her.

[magnoliasoutherly]

So you're saying I can't do anything to get her back?

She touches me to get my attention. She always does that so I can talk to her.

Well you do know her better than I do, but from what you said I think any relationship feelings kind of thing is out of the picture.

 

Can you get her attention? Perhaps, but you first have to decide how hurt you're going to allow yourself to get, since she doesn't seem open to it at all.

 

How do you feel about her? Specifically?

[Sugarkane]

Sounds like she's leading you on. not wanting you, but still flirting with you.

[dwight 12345]

Well you do know her better than I do, but from what you said I think any relationship feelings kind of thing is out of the picture.

 

Can you get her attention? Perhaps, but you first have to decide how hurt you're going to allow yourself to get, since she doesn't seem open to it at all.

 

How do you feel about her? Specifically?

 

 

I convinced her to break up with her long distance bf to come to me and she did . She wanted a bf and I gave her that but I didn't give it easily. We always have a great time time together. We used to talk and text on the phone everyday. She would always tell me she misses me and likes me a lot. I was always in control of the relationship too. I know there's no one else and I am not a boringbperson. She just said she liked having the idea of a boyfriend. And when I'm away from her Luke over thanksgiving break or this coming winter break her feelings lessen. I can get her attention w/out even doing anything. She likes being around me, especially when I'm around girls.

I really like her. She's the best gf I've had. She's very caring, faithful, and fun to be around.

When she broke up with me my feelings went up for her. I realized how important she is. I wake up thinking about her ever since she left.

[magnoliasoutherly]

First off, I have to say that I preferred to send this via PM but LS has some ridiculous policy about the length of time and posts and whatever it is so that you don't get to PM right away (you are not able to receive PMs yet). I know it's a spam trap, but really. This is a forum where people have intimate questions and sometimes a response is not what the norm would be. That is, it's not the advice we would normally give. An off thread response is sometimes imperative.

 

Yours is one of these cases. I don't want future readers thinking their situation is similar and believing that there may be a chance, so I have to tread lightly here.

 

She just said she liked having the idea of a boyfriend. And when I'm away from her Luke over thanksgiving break or this coming winter break her feelings lessen. .. She likes being around me, especially when I'm around girls.... When she broke up with me my feelings went up for her. I realized how important she is. I wake up thinking about her ever since she left.

Okay, so it sounds like you're willing to give it a shot even if it may hurt you. She does sound indecisive, so maybe there is a slight glimmer of hope.

 

She seems to have an 'out of sight, out of mind' thing happening and that's not usually a good sign BUT you will still need to give her space. It's going to be a tough balance.

 

Think about what attracted her to you in the first place. You sound like you started becoming more attached to her and letting her know this. She also appears to like it when you are more of a challenge (hence, another girl). Her personality seems to say that she doesn't like touchy feely. Stop telling her how much you care (except that in your original post you contradicted yourself and so I'm not sure what you meant:

I told her how I felt about her and I'm sorry if I did anything wrong ... I told her I didnt care anymore

Then there is something else that bothers me:

I know I'm always telling you you're always messing up.

I'm not sure what that's about. Tell me more on this. What did you think she was messing up about?

 

From what you've said she doesn't like feeling hurt and she misses her friend. She truly does want it to be unemotional. So when you gave another girl attention, she thought that maybe you'd gotten past that part. Be friendly with her, but put all emotions aside. You can't just run to her and tell her "That's it, it won't be emotional so let's hop to it." Give her time to see this for herself.

 

As encouraging as her response was when you were giving another girl attention, don't let that go to your head. Whatever you do, don't play games with her. She is evidently pretty sensitive to what you say and do. Don't criticize her, don't try to get her to say something she doesn't want to (like saying "fine I don't care" hoping she'll say she does) or anything like that.

 

In other words, play it cool for now. Keep her close as you would a friend, but give her time to trust you and see that you're not going to overwhelm her. A good rule of thumb is to let her make the first move.

 

Does that make sense?

 

I'll be here if you need to talk. If you want to PM just email me. My email is the same as my user name here (except remove the erly) and I use gmail.

 

Hugs to you.

[dwight 12345]

When she got a bf, we stopped hooking up. So I wanted them to break up so we can hookup again. Cause we have a lot of sex. They broke up and she came back to me. I got too happy. They started going out again and thats when I realized I like this girl. It took me 2 weeks of effort to break them up. She really really liked me after that. We weren't going out yet. He kept trying to get her back and she told me she missed him. So I told her you have to choose between me or him. Or you're going to loseme forever. I also told her you're always messing up. She chose me and told him to back off, which he did. She even deleted him off fb and off her phone. So she is indecisive.

But it wasn't going to be so easy. I still ddint trust her. So she made sure I did. She kept showing me her phone and her texts. So I trusted her after a week. She's the type of person that's lovey dovey and sometimes she just doesn't want a bf. Like she wants one but she just needs space. I gave that to her. I didn't have a problem with it cause I need space too.

 

And yes I did started getting attached and I did open up to her how I felt on a deep level. Usually I'm not like that. I'm the hard to get type.

 

When I said I didn't care, I said it because she get afraid that she's going to lose me. The first time we broke up I said that and I just completely ignored her that day. Later she texted me and we had a talk and got back together. Her feelings went up again but not a significant amount. Everything was going fine when she told my friend that she's still losing feelings for me. So I told her I was upset. She kept asking me but I said I'll tell you later. I told her a couple hours after we had sex cause I didn't want to ruin the mood. I asked her how she felt and she said it was more at a steady rate but we're still dropping. She told my friend the only reason she broke up with me then was because my friend told me. Otherwise she would have broke up with me later on.

 

I thought about just leaving a missed call for her to show that I still care because she tried to rub my face in class but I turned away and she got a little upset. We haven't talked since Friday and I'm dying inside. I really want to call her but I feel like it'll just push her away.

 

 

So I should be her friend. Wouldn't I be in the friend zone forever then?

Btw thanks for helping me out! : D

[CptSaveAho]

"How they come is how they go"

 

Very simple explanation... she wanted sex, you caught feelings, she didnt have those feelings, she let you go.

 

Game over

[dwight 12345]

She also just commented on one of my photos saying I look cute. I didn't say anything

Is this a good thing?

[CptSaveAho]

Not for you...

[dwight 12345]

And now she just texted me saying "hey."

I think I'm going to respond but not too quickly.

Any advice? Please answer quickly