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Has anyone else entered the boat that I am currently in, with regards to dating?

Teknoe

By Teknoe
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Teknoe Established Member

Teknoe

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I got rejected by 3 girls in 13 months 2009-2010. May not sound like a lot, but I liked each one a lot (especially the first and third one), so it really stung and no doubt helped to shape my current perspective. I was younger then, in my mid 20s and desperately seeking someone who could potentially one day become my spouse.

 

I also was working part time at the time.

 

Now, I work full time and am in my late 20s. While I still desire a wife, it's no longer a BIG priority. In fact, I value my singleness now more than I ever have. I just like quiet nights at home where I'm free to do whatever. Obviously, with a GF if you stay in all the time it's going to affect the quality of the relationship. But when you're single, there's a lot more freedom and I'm happy in this current stage of my life. I work full time, I go home and then find some entertainment in my sports, movies and video games.

 

Also, full time work has taken away the excessive amount of "daydream time" as I like to call it. Where I would stay up til 3 AM wondering about my crush, going to bed and not waking up til 12 noon with the crush still on the mind. Now, thanks to full time work, I no longer have the time, energy or desire to do that. It's been huge for me. This way I don't get too caught up on any girl.

 

I guess I've become cynical from the 3 rejections, and am now taking the approach "I would LIKE for it to happen for me someday, but you know what, if it never does... I'll be OK."

 

And if it does happen, it'll be a sweet surprise... a nice little bonus, if you will.

 

But yeah, at least I'm finding contentment. I see so many people here in angst and so worried. I can tell you, being on the other side of the coin, it's nice to be able to just chill from all of this drama :)

Edited by Teknoe
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AD1980 Established Member

AD1980

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Ive come to that conclusion after years and years of rejection as well..I need my space i get claustrophobic after being with anyone a long period of time so im not even sure im cut out for a relationship even if a women was ever attracted to me and wanted to be with me..

 

So when i got constantly rejected the hurt wasnt necassarily from the standpoint of oh my god im not gonna find the love of my life as much as it waj just a bruise to the ego to not be attractive to women..

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Teknoe Established Member

Teknoe

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Ive come to that conclusion after years and years of rejection as well..I need my space i get claustrophobic after being with anyone a long period of time so im not even sure im cut out for a relationship even if a women was ever attracted to me and wanted to be with me..

 

So when i got constantly rejected the hurt wasnt necassarily from the standpoint of oh my god im not gonna find the love of my life as much as it waj just a bruise to the ego to not be attractive to women..

 

I think the key is, bro, to always keep an open mind but also to always be content with where you are in life. Now of course, if you want to make certain improvements (i.e. lose some weight) by all means pursue it. But keep things in perspective. It could always be worse.

 

I still want a GF but the diff between now and then is it no longer consumes me. I'm happy with where I'm at.

AD1980 Established Member

AD1980

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I think the key is, bro, to always keep an open mind but also to always be content with where you are in life. Now of course, if you want to make certain improvements (i.e. lose some weight) by all means pursue it. But keep things in perspective. It could always be worse.

 

I still want a GF but the diff between now and then is it no longer consumes me. I'm happy with where I'm at.

 

I agree..my quality of life has been better since ive been apathetic at the finding women as opposed to keep trying and getting rejected..

 

Most of the time finding a women isnt evne on my radar..are there times when im with my friend at a lounge or bar and i see him doing great with women where i get maybe a little jealous sure its human nature but for the most part its not on my mind..

Joaquin Established Member

Joaquin

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Not quite on point, but for what it's worth I don't think a guy really appreciates a good woman he has until he's been knocked a few times before hand.

 

Yr better off in the long run having experienced a few set backs when the right girl comes along.

 

Where you are today is exactly where you're meant to be. Well that's my philosophy.

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Later82012 Established Member

Later82012

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Have you guys ever given a chance to women that are after you? These are the women that will keep you most happy.

AD1980 Established Member

AD1980

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Have you guys ever given a chance to women that are after you? These are the women that will keep you most happy.

 

Ive never had a women after me

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Teknoe Established Member

Teknoe

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Have you guys ever given a chance to women that are after you? These are the women that will keep you most happy.

 

Hmm, I'm not sure if anyone was ever "after me" although there were probably a few who would have (happily) said YES had I asked them out on a formal date.

 

But here's the thing: I never found any of them attractive enough to the point where I was interested in dating. To me, a date is to see if a relationship is possible. These girls I never saw beyond friends, and so I never dared to ask them out (platonic friends should stay platonic friends).

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Teknoe Established Member

Teknoe

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Not quite on point, but for what it's worth I don't think a guy really appreciates a good woman he has until he's been knocked a few times before hand.

 

Yr better off in the long run having experienced a few set backs when the right girl comes along.

 

Where you are today is exactly where you're meant to be. Well that's my philosophy.

 

There are some good points here. I've been knocked around and am now enjoying my season of peace and quiet. I have little doubt that I won't try again at some point in the future. But right now, I'm happy where I am.

NGC1300 Established Member

NGC1300

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I wish I could get to that point, and feel what you describe genuinely.

 

For a short time I was close; didn't dwell on being alone and kept my mind off it. I was doing really well, until I met a girl this summer.

 

From day one, she acted as though she was crazy about me. She wanted exclusivity after the 3rd or 4th date, always texting, always bringing me random stuff for my place.

 

I was in heaven. I thought I had finally found someone after 8 years of being single, but I was too intoxicated to acknowledge just how quickly it would come crashing down. She cut it off, and I went from that guy she always "missed" to a nobody cut from her life.

 

That was 2 months ago I still haven't recovered. It's not so much about her, it's just a sinking feeling to be loved and shown affection only to have it be pulled from under you.

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Teknoe Established Member

Teknoe

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I wish I could get to that point, and feel what you describe genuinely.

 

For a short time I was close; didn't dwell on being alone and kept my mind off it. I was doing really well, until I met a girl this summer.

 

From day one, she acted as though she was crazy about me. She wanted exclusivity after the 3rd or 4th date, always texting, always bringing me random stuff for my place.

 

I was in heaven. I thought I had finally found someone after 8 years of being single, but I was too intoxicated to acknowledge just how quickly it would come crashing down. She cut it off, and I went from that guy she always "missed" to a nobody cut from her life.

 

That was 2 months ago I still haven't recovered. It's not so much about her, it's just a sinking feeling to be loved and shown affection only to have it be pulled from under you.

 

Whoa man sorry to hear that. That stings. But it seems some details are missing. Why do you think she went from so hot to so cold in just 2 months? Did you reciprocate her hotness? Did you take it for granted, go on autopilot? Did she find someone else? What happened?

NGC1300 Established Member

NGC1300

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Whoa man sorry to hear that. That stings. But it seems some details are missing. Why do you think she went from so hot to so cold in just 2 months? Did you reciprocate her hotness? Did you take it for granted, go on autopilot? Did she find someone else? What happened?

 

Actually we were only together 3 weeks.

 

I know it seems silly to be so broken up over a 3 week relationship, but again she expressed so much affection that in the end I discovered was fake.

 

She claimed incompatibility, that I wasn't a "people person" and stayed home too much. She also claimed she "needed more sexually".

 

Whatever. None of that means anything to me. But what crushed me was how much affection she conveyed only to be abandoned.

Els Established Member

Els

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I'm glad you're enjoying a full, happy, and contented life, Teknoe. :) If or when it happens, it happens. In the meantime, just keep going the way you are, and making a better life for yourself.

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melodymatters Established Member

melodymatters

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So many times on here, you see people post things and the subtext is SCREAMING " I'm NOT OK with this !!!"......but i'm pretending I am.

 

 

Yours was quite the opposite. You sound like you are in a good place so enjoy your life brother and que sera sera.:)

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Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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You are lucky not to be pressured by anyone.

 

Personally, I am a loner by nature and enjoy time by myself a lot. People ask me what I do when I am not working. I go to the gym, swim, cook, do housework, watch movies, listen to music, play and cuddle with my cat, go for long walks in the nature, shop, hang out on LS.

 

The only reason I try to find someone is to make my family happy and not to be looked at as a weirdo and failure by society.

iris219 Established Member

iris219

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I, too, have become content. Circumstances have forced me to become accepting of my life as it is. I've gotten so used to my life alone that I can't imagine it any other way. I'm at the point where I'm afraid I wouldn't even remember how to have a relationship, so being single seems easier and less stressful in a lot of ways, even if it means no love, no sex, and no companionship.

 

People can get used to just about anything; it becomes the norm, it's what we're used to, and we find comfort in that even if it isn't especially pleasant.

Edited by iris219
  • 2 weeks later...
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Teknoe Established Member

Teknoe

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I'm glad you're enjoying a full, happy, and contented life, Teknoe. :) If or when it happens, it happens. In the meantime, just keep going the way you are, and making a better life for yourself.

 

Thanks Elswyth. I can't call my life "full." It's not exactly brimming with excitement but you know what? I am OK with that. Especially in this season of my life.

 

 

So many times on here, you see people post things and the subtext is SCREAMING " I'm NOT OK with this !!!"......but i'm pretending I am.

 

Yours was quite the opposite. You sound like you are in a good place so enjoy your life brother and que sera sera.:)

 

Ha, I know what you mean! Yeah thanks. I've truly made peace with my life situation, and am enjoying things as they come. I agree that life is what we make of it!

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dasein Established Member

dasein

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I still want a GF but the diff between now and then is it no longer consumes me. I'm happy with where I'm at.

 

With that attitude, you are getting closer to mastery and successfully reaching your goals. It's ironic that once you don't care about getting rejected any more you rarely end up rejected. Or at least that's how it has worked out for me and many friends who were constantly "in search of" younger.

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