DU505 Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 At the beginning of our relationship, my girlfriend told me that she had had sex with one person before me. She said that many of her other boyfriends tried, but she shut them down. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. She does everything she can to help me. She writes my essays for college and helos with whatever she can. I have seen some of her texts and instant messages to other guys. I don't really appreciate the way she talks to other guys. To me it seems like a step down from flirting. She knows that I am bothered by the fact that she has had sex with someone before me. She is my first and it bothers me that she has been so comfortable with another guy to hae sex with him. Recently, after a pretty serious arguement, I asked her about one of her past relationships. She admitted to giving him a hand job. So I asked her how many people she had done that to. She responded with 6. So I asked how many people she has had sex with. She responded with 2 plus me. So she had lied to me at the beginning of our relationship. She knows how important her past is to me. She knows that I am so bothered about her 1 past past partner. And now i have to worry about 6 other people. I am not worried that she will cheat but 6 people is alot of people to have sexual relations with at the age of 18. And they were all done before we even turned 18. Weve been dating for 11 months to the day, and I dont know how to handle the situation. Any thoughts on what I should do? I realize that I may be overreacting, but it is a really important subject for me.
jags2bowl27 Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 why should her past bother you... this is immature. The past is the past, as long as she hasnt done anything during your relationship, then your fine. You ruining your relationship by being jealous and bring up things that doesnt matter. As far as flirting, she needs to stop and if it bothers you and she really cared about the relationship she should want to change her behavior. You being jealous will not help tho 1
Chi townD Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 I totally agree with jaggs! You're letting her PAST bother you and she probably didn't tell you about the other stuff because she knew you would react the way you're acting right now. The point is, her past is her past and she's now with YOU. She see's something in you that she fell in love with if she's been with you for 11 months so far. She goes out of her way FOR YOU. Because out of any guy in this huge world she choose you! So, you really need to get a handle on this jealousy issue or you're gonna lose her. Unless that's what you want? Because you view her as damaged goods? Or perhaps you should let her go so you can get more "experience" under your belt. You know, sleep with a bunch of girls so you are both on an even playing field. But, just by your short post desciption of her. I think you would be letting a really good girlfriend go.
Phoe Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 I agree, being upset at her for something that has nothing to do with your relationship with her NOW, is a bit unreasonable. She is aware that is upsets you, and doesn't WANT to upset you, it seems like she's doing her best to work with you on this, despite the fact that it's something she has no control over. She cannot go back and change the past, so to be angry with her when there is literally NOTHING she could ever do to change that, is not fair. You should think of a way to move past this. Forgive her, yes, and also spend some time thinking about WHY this bothers you, and what you can do to become okay with it. Do not ruin something with what appears to be a very nice girl, just because of a few things she did years ago.
Jay08 Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Agree with everyone. And heres looking at your thoughts objectively: Its upsetting you because she was intimate with other guys. But if your relationship runs its course and you meet another girl, you were intimate with your ex so what does it even matter? You are jealous and that is all. Stop being jealous. And if it bothers you that much, than break it off. But be forewarned, you will miss her and regret that decision.
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Your jealousy will kill this relationship. As to your obsession with her past...it's immature and ridiculous. What relevance does it have to anything? Forgive her? Seriously?:lmao:
Viper1 Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 (edited) Cutiepie nailed it--as did many other posters with their advice. Your jealousy is a fatal poison that will absolutely doom this relationship. It's not insecurity; it's pathological and until you can accept a girl's past, you shouldn't even think about having a relationship with her. Worse than your ruminating and obsessing about her past experiences is your inexcusable constant grilling of her, requesting her to discuss private moments of her life that, quite frankly, are none of your business. Have you considered how unsettling it must be for her to have to be subjected to your incessant interrogations as if you are some self-appointed inquisitor? She is an anonymous entity on this board (as we all are) but what do you think she would think of you if she knew you went on a public forum and even though she was never named, had things she told you, assuming they would be kept between the two of you, trotted out in such a manner as to suggest she was somehow unnaturally promiscuous and then with almost surreal moral smugness you are questioning if you should forgive her? She'd despise you. Think about THAT. Edited December 9, 2012 by Viper1
Love Bytes Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 So she banged some dudes before you. Get over it. Welcome to life, man. Sorry to be so blunt, but it's not like she cheated on you. You have nothing to forgive. Period.
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