Out of sight, out of mind?

[Thatguy80]

Hey all, I've got a delimma that I'm really not sure what to do. I've been with this girl for about 5-6 months and everything has really been great when we're together in person. We always have a lot of fun, we've taken vacations, we're affectionate, etc. Everything from that standpoint goes great.

 

We run into problems when we're not together (or I do anyways). I feel like I've got to carry the relationship. If I don't contact her, we'll go days without talking. Like right now, we have not spoken in 4 days. It's like I'm out of sight, out of mind with her. She has initiated plans with me before, but it's about 90% me doing it usually. Now a while back, she did purchase a plane ticket for me to fly out to meet her family at the end of this year. That would show she's serious in my mind, but then she continues to disappear for days on end unless I contact her. It really does not make much sense to me..

 

I'm not sure if I should contact her this time or ride it out and see if she'll reach out.

[Illusionist]

Maybe she needs some time for herself.

 

However, I kinda made the same experience, but with female friends (not relationships). It always seems as if they need to be reminded from time to time. Get them busy ( with job or maybe a new relationship) and you will think that they are dead for the next months.

[veggirl]

That's not cool. Have you asked her about it? I mean if you've been dating 6 mos and you are flying somewhere to meet her family, I would expect daily contact! I would expect that in less circumstances, actually. If you haven't asked her wtf the deal with it is, then do so. If you have, what did she say?

 

I can't imagine being truly into my man and being fine with 4 days of nc!! That is super weird and concerning.

[Thatguy80]

I have not talked to her about it. I might have to, but I hate bringing up anything that sounds like I'm accusing her of not caring.

 

This is the first relationship she's ever had. She's got a close group of friends that she likes to spend a lot of time with. I've met them all several times and we all get along great. She was raised in a conservative household, so she's pretty traditional in a lot of ways. Our relationship is the type where I always lead, as she's the classic follower type.

 

Yes, it has me really concerned too. It does not make sense, especially when you throw in the whole flight to hometown thing. I'm not sure how to bring this up, and if I should even contact her.

[newmoon]

i am this type too - the type of girl to 'disappear' for a few days with no contact, even when in a very serious relationship, and i do allow my bf to 'lead.' but, that doesn't mean i'm conservative or a follower. i just like time alone and enjoy letting my guy plan stuff. maybe she is just more interested in planning big stuff (like the trips) instead of the day to day dates/activities. it's usually not a problem for a bf to mention this, so i would if i were you. my bf has also called me on it, and told me things like 'i care about you and want to hear from you more often,' or 'maybe you can pick the next activity we do and plan it for us. pick something you like.' there are many non-accusatory ways to bring it up and still make yourself look kind/caring :-) but, i would advise (from my own experience), that how something begins is usually how it stays, and if this is a problem now, it will remain a problem, either because of her personality or because you need more from a partner in terms of contact/mutual planning. imo, make her reach out, especially if it's been 3-4 days. if she is truly and genuinely interested she should make some move to show her level of interest.

[Thatguy80]

Thank you all. I did talk to her about it last night and we got it completely taken care of. She was thinking the exact same thing that I was. She was just following my lead.