springandfall Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 (edited) Hello, my Girlfriend left our apartment on Ocober 8th to stay with a friend of hers for a break. She needed some space and we have been staying in touch by text message and talking on the phone. I thought she was going to return October 12th but she needed to have more time. We would see each other once every two weeks and on the weekend that we did it was painful because she only wanted to see me on a Saturday and I would have to spend Sunday alone. We continued to talk and built a foundation of understanding that she needed this time for her to find herself because she explained to me she had lost herself and her identity. In Novemeber we discussed having more of a future together, I explained to her I was interested in marriage and we both spoke how when we were back together that it would be so much better. We continued to see each other only once about every two weeks but there was constant text message contact and a nighly phone call. At times we may not talk on the phone for three days in a row and that is hard. I invited her to go with me to my parents house on thanksgiving day and she agreed. I called my parents to tell them we were coming but she then said she did not want to go three days before thanksgiving saying she had to be stronger due to asthma, but I think it was a case of the nerves contibuting to this. 19 days then went by without me seeing her but we stayed in contact by text message and had phone contact at times. There were days where she did not want to talk with me because of misunderstandings caused by relying on text message and a phone instead of meeting more in person. There are text messages back and forth about how we love each other. Yesterday we met at the coffee shop again to talk. I had been hinting to her how I wanted to know where I stand in the relationship. When we met I told her that the relationship being ambivalent is causing a problem for me. She said that she is making great progress in overcoming some problems from childhood from "men" figures in her life. She shared in detail and I am very supportive and listen to her. I mention why we have to be seperated for her to do this work on herself but really can't remember the answer but it was something like needing to experience being alone. In November I was fine with the idea that she needed some space but felt that in December that we were not having enough in person dates and was concerned about our dating frequency in the future. I just read the book He's Scared, She's Scared Understanding the Hidden Fears That Sabotage Your Relationships by Steven Carter and think she is afraid of commitment. I don't necessarily want her to move back in with me but find it very difficult that the amount of in person dating is very small. There was never a timetable for how long the break will last or how long the break from infrequently dating while she is separated would last. Not sure what to do and see her later today. I have done a lot of greiving and have been unable to concentrate at work. She always know I will be there for her so I think she is able to be on the run like this. At one point I told her that I would want the relationship status changed so that we could see other people so that she could see that if she continued treating me this way for 3 more months I might not be around. Edited December 8, 2012 by springandfall Corrected name of book
CptSaveAho Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 Break = relationship over... Her actions are that of a break up... you just don't see it She's not emotionally healthy, why would you want to enter a long term relationship that has issues with her past. These people are ticking time bombs and until they not only become aware of and fix these issues, they aren't relationship material She told you that, the relationship is over, move forward, stop talking to her and heal from the breakup. Its not your responsibility to fix her emotional problems from her past.
Recommended Posts