? - boyfriend left me for a new girl after 3 weeks of breaking up.

[KJBA2816]

I posted last year about my awful relationship but I just need a bit of advice help/support. Basically I went out with my boyfriend (first love) for 9 months and we broke up in July but the relationship was so bad, he would ignore me, not want to spend time with me, mentally abuse me and I finally ended it in July to which he was shocked and cried but it had to be that way. After I felt I was okay, in August I was taken into hospital and had minor surgery when I left my ex contacted me and I told him everything he ever did to me in our relationship and he said he was sorry and didn't realise he hurt me so bad. Once I left hospital we tried to move forward and he actually stepped up and treated me right but I have been suffering from depression for a few months before that cause a whole bunch of things happened this year and because of our previous history I found it hard to trust my ex but he told me I was his priority, he wanted to get me better, he was sorry and he loved me etc. so I tried my hardest. Because I couldn't trust him on a few occasions I tried to leave and me he begged me not to and I said okay I'll stay and work hard and I began to fall in love with him all over again. One day we had an argument and he said to me, he had been using me since I got out of hospital, he had no intention of us getting back together and he was sorry. I was totally heartbroken. We had been an on/off couple for well over a year and we had been best friends for 5 years. In our relationship I gave so much to him, emotions, support, material things and my aim was to make him happy but he never tried to make me happy but he literally woke up one day and decided to let me know he was using me. I was a part of his family, I love his entire family to bits. It got to the point after he told me he was using me that he hit me, laid his hands on me and was just an idiot. I felt like screaming do you realise who I am?!?! And what I've done for you but none of that seems to register with him. It's been 3 weeks since we broke up for good and I find out he's seeing someone else, a girl I was suspicious about. Before me his relationships lasted a few months and he got bored and left them but I was over a year and fought so hard to cling on to it but how can he move on so fast?! How can he do wrong, still be happy and have all our mutual friends on his side and have a new girl but all I did was make him happy and I am heart broken and this issue is straining my relationships with people. I am getting better with it I just can't help but feel totally played after I was his friend for 5 years and his girlfriend for over a year but he doesn't care anymore and has this new girl after 3 weeks? I just can't believe this has happened to me :/ I have lost so much because of him and he said it doesn't matter cause I have him.. Now he has left me and I feel terrible, I am coping better I just can't believe he has a new girl or is chatting up a new girl already, I am just hurt. Thanks xxx

[Phoe]

From reading this, I do get the impression that you realize you deserve better, so that is a good first step.

 

The fastest way to heal is to keep NO CONTACT. Delete his phone number, delete/block him on facebook, twitter, etc... delete his email address. Make it so that you cannot contact him, and that he would have to move a mountain to contact you.

 

I know that feeling of wondering WHY the jerk gets to be the one who is happy while the person who was screwed gets left picking up the pieces. In 2011 I had a 3 year relationship end (a relationship where I was treated badly, but continued to give my all). It ended when I found out he'd been seeing another girl for at least a year. Our relationship ended and I was left alone and lost a lot of our mutual friends, while he kept all those friends and is now living with the girl he cheated on me with and is VERY happy.

 

The thing to remember is that it's not our fault. There's nothing wrong with us that makes them so able to move on when we still are left feeling crushed. We didn't do anything to deserve getting the short end of the stick while they end up getting everything handed to them after treating us badly. We can't look at it like we "lost" and they "won". Life isn't a race and relationships aren't something that you win in or lose in.

 

All we can do is focus on moving on and keeping ourselves the main priority. The next guy may be the right guy, and he may not. But even if he isn't, it doesn't mean you've lost out or that something is wrong with you.

 

This guy is just not the guy for you. Guys who don't care what they do to us have no place in our lives.

[KJBA2816]

I have deleted everything I can think of to do with him, not that he will contact me anyway. Thank you for your reply and it is so good to have someone to talk to and give advice and won't get fed up with it. I feel like exactly how you have said, he's happy but he did wrong and took most of my friends and has a new girl after 3 weeks but I'm the sad one, having very few people left and struggling with life in general. I can go over what happened and how he betrayed me over and over but it won't make a difference, I just wish it was easier to stop feeling so sad over the many loses I've had. I need move on but it's difficult when he shows no remorse and left me in the situation I am and he's happy in love again, I know I will be okay eventually it's just hard just now. Thank you