Graduate Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 I just recently moved to the UK, and am wondering if the dating 'rules' are different over here. Met a nice guy on an OLD. We exchanged a few emails, he asked me out for drinks, I accepted. We agreed on a place and date, but not a time. Suddenly, the two days before we are supposed to meet, I don't hear from him. The day of the date I text him if we are still on, and if so when we should meet. He replies straight away and suggests a time. We meet and have a great first date, great conversation, lots of laughter, etc. At the end he talks about meeting again, but says he already has plans for the next weekend and I go away for the holidays. I tell him that I still have time to meet next week, before I leave. His reply "Send us a text sometime." I don't hear from him for two days, so I send him a text. At first he jokes about not knowing who this is, but then he says something that shows he remembered a little detail I told him about myself. He proceeds to ask me out for dinner on Sunday night. I except and we exchange a few more texts. Did not talk about place or time. It's two days later and I have not heard from him. We are supposed to meet tomorrow, but he has not been in touch. Normally I would assume he is not that interested and just let it go and not contact him anymore. However, a friend told me that dating in the UK is different in so far as the women do the chasing. And he did ask me out. So what should I do? Text him tomorrow and ask when and where he wants to meet? Or should I just let it be and see if he contacts me? I have a feeling he won't, but I'd really like to see him again. Any thoughts?
Author Graduate Posted December 8, 2012 Author Posted December 8, 2012 Anyone? Even if you are not living in the UK.
ThaWholigan Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 Text him as a reminder, and he may confirm. He doesn't sound as though he's making you a priority however, but some guys+girls are flaky like that here. The rules generally aren't that different here, depending on where you are. If you're in London, then it's pretty no-holds barred in that it's a giant melting pot.
Ross MwcFan Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 I'm not really sure how dating works over here in the UK, but I'm pretty sure that guys do the chasing. I don't know whether the fact that you don't hear from him that much is normal or not. Maybe he's playing it cool?
Taramere Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 I agree with you that men in the UK are fairly passive compared to the way they are in some other countries. If you go to Southern and Eastern Europe the men are far more forward. Unfortunately the culture here tends to be a drinking culture, and a lot of people hook up that way. Meeting people through friends is an alternative to that...but something I've often found is that while a friend will relay to me that a particular man is interested in me, or even has a big crush, nothing much will ever come of it - even if I indicate interest back. It's almost as though they expect you to, on hearing this news, march over and straddle them. Or as though they're happy to just keep it as a little fantasy. I'm quite reserved and not a pursuer of men. Most of the men I've dated have either been abnormally confident (which can bring its own set of problems) or they've been foreigners who were working here for a while.
Author Graduate Posted December 8, 2012 Author Posted December 8, 2012 Thank you for your replies. Does not sound too good. I guess I'll text him tomorrow and ask if we are still on for dinner. No matter what his reply will be, after that I will leave it be and stop chasing him. Even if that's the way it's done in England, I am just not too comfortable chasing after a guy who may or not be into me.
FitChick Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 I'm American but only date British guys. Maybe because I am not British they know they have to make more of an effort or something. Or they've seen enough American rom-coms to know women expect men to chase! I gave an example in another thread where a guy seemed keen but never got specific so I finally texted something like, "I am available [listed days]. Let me know which works best for you." He immediately responded. I'd send a text now "Where do you want me to meet you and at what time? Looking forward to seeing you again (his name)."
Author Graduate Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 I texted him this morning asking whether we are still on. And he immediately replied with a time and the offer to pick me up. We went out for lunch and I had a really nice time. During our date he asked me out for next weekend and we will drive to the beach next Saturday. I really like him, so I am glad he asked me out again and look forward to seeing him again. I will probably send him a text in 2 or 3 days, just to say hi and then let it be. I am not used to a guy who does not text in between dates, but I really like him, so I am going to try and be patient and wait and see what happens. I am going away for the holidays next weekend, so I probably won't hear from him for a few weeks while I am gone, but for now I am just going to enjoy our time together.
FitChick Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 See, I told ya! Hope it works out. I love British guys.
Emilia Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 I texted him this morning asking whether we are still on. And he immediately replied with a time and the offer to pick me up. We went out for lunch and I had a really nice time. During our date he asked me out for next weekend and we will drive to the beach next Saturday. I really like him, so I am glad he asked me out again and look forward to seeing him again. I will probably send him a text in 2 or 3 days, just to say hi and then let it be. I am not used to a guy who does not text in between dates, but I really like him, so I am going to try and be patient and wait and see what happens. I am going away for the holidays next weekend, so I probably won't hear from him for a few weeks while I am gone, but for now I am just going to enjoy our time together. I'm not British but I have lived in the UK most of my adult life and I'd say this guy sounds more passive than your average Englishman. It's true that hooking up through drink culture happens more and it's also true that Australian or South African men are more assertive but I also think guys that use OLD can be perhaps not as outgoing as it would be ideal. I've dated several Englishmen and they were chatty and outgoing, kept in touch, etc. I didn't have to prod them.
lovebug1234 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 he sounds annoying. just find another UK guy to date and find out if they're all like that.
Author Graduate Posted May 9, 2013 Author Posted May 9, 2013 Hey, I hope you can help me out again since I got more questions. Ok, let's say the early dating phase is going well in that you are practically in daily contact, he asks you out regularly and you meet once a week; at what point do you become exclusive or boyfriend/girlfriend? From the US I am used to dating being non-exclusive unless it has been established so in a conversation. And that also does not mean that you are boyfriend/girlfriend unless you had that conversation. Well, I've been told by a friend here that this is not true in the UK, supposedly you are an item once you had sex or once you have been going on more than 2-3 dates. Is that true? And what if you have been on a few dates, but you have not had any physical contact whatsoever? Does that mean you are only hanging out as friends? And is bring up the 'what are we' conversation early on as big a no-no as in the US? I am confused. Any insights would be greatly appreciated!
sillyanswer Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 at what point do you become exclusive or boyfriend/girlfriend? From the US I am used to dating being non-exclusive unless it has been established so in a conversation. And that also does not mean that you are boyfriend/girlfriend unless you had that conversation. I'm from the UK, and I take the view that you're not anything until you've had a conversation and agreed that you're something. Not everyone is the same, of course, but communication is the key here.
TaraMaiden Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Hey, I hope you can help me out again since I got more questions. Ok, let's say the early dating phase is going well in that you are practically in daily contact, he asks you out regularly and you meet once a week; at what point do you become exclusive or boyfriend/girlfriend? From the US I am used to dating being non-exclusive unless it has been established so in a conversation. And that also does not mean that you are boyfriend/girlfriend unless you had that conversation. Well, I've been told by a friend here that this is not true in the UK, supposedly you are an item once you had sex or once you have been going on more than 2-3 dates. Is that true? And what if you have been on a few dates, but you have not had any physical contact whatsoever? Does that mean you are only hanging out as friends? And is bring up the 'what are we' conversation early on as big a no-no as in the US? I am confused. Any insights would be greatly appreciated! Here's an idea.... Why not actually discuss with him how different you find dating in the UK to the USA? Tell him a few examples (non-sexual/intimate) and ask his opinion.... Then broach and ask how he views what is 'happening, here'.... In my opinion, in the UK guys have lost their balls, and I think it's down to several things: Emancipation Immigration The Economy. Girls are very 'in your face' here, and women are extremely liberated and asertive. They seem to know what they want, and can be intimidating. It is also, as someone else pointed out, a 'drinking' culture. You are just as likely to see incidents involving drunken girls, as you are seeing those with guys, on any Friday/Saturday night out in any town.... Immigration means we actually have a highly mixed cultural 'soup' here. To be frank, you never know who you might be dating; and the social divide between immigrants and nationals is quite marked, so people tend to 'stick to their kind' by and large. You can walk down any high street in any town, and you'll hear English, with Urdu, with Polish, with Hindi..... To some older locals, it can actually be quite frightening. To those of a younger age, it's secular. Economically speaking, with regard to the recession, it's an expensive business, dating. And unless you do have a steady income, with a reasonable salary, dating can be difficult because the cost of living has risen, and most salaries are not commensurate with that. Just some things to think about....
Ed the 3rd Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 As an Englishman I can tell you right now nothings different.
Recommended Posts