youngnlove89 Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 I was talking to my dad today, asking for advice, and I asked him "Why hasn't my ex called?" My dad said, "Because he doesn't give a sh.it. Simple as that. If he cared he would have called already." It hurt, but it was honest. I needed the truth versus a sugar-coated lie. I can't believe he hasn't even attempted to see how I am. Now that it's the weekend, it's hit me. My heart hurts. I won't contact him though. Just hurts that reality sunk in and I'm beginning to see how little my ex cared, even though he said he did. ...I'm beginning to see how little he loved me, even though he said he did.
na49 Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 How long has it been since you last heard from him? It probably feels like longer than it's been. Even if he does contact you, he might not tell you what you want to hear. If this is the case, do you REALLY want to hear what he has to say? I don't think it's that he doesn't care. He stopped caring a while ago, so he's had a head start. We don't get the same head start which is why we are hurt so much.
Author youngnlove89 Posted December 8, 2012 Author Posted December 8, 2012 How long has it been since you last heard from him? It probably feels like longer than it's been. Even if he does contact you, he might not tell you what you want to hear. If this is the case, do you REALLY want to hear what he has to say? I don't think it's that he doesn't care. He stopped caring a while ago, so he's had a head start. We don't get the same head start which is why we are hurt so much. Not that long. And I know that. If he were to contact me it would be because he is lonely. Not because he wants to be with me and work things out. So in that case, I rather him continue to not contact me. The last time we talked I told him we needed to act like adults and end this dead end relationship because it can't go on forever. He agreed but said he didn't know how. He said he thinks we will always have this thing for each other. I'm just tired of trying to read between the lines. I'm tired of hoping that one day he will change his mind. I'm tired of hoping, waiting, wishing. I just want to let go. and move on.
Author youngnlove89 Posted December 8, 2012 Author Posted December 8, 2012 In this moment, I feel my heart break. And I think, "I can't live without him. I don't want to live without him," and then it slowly crept into my mind that no matter how bad I wanted or needed him, it wouldn't matter. Somehow, and very painfully I am sure, my life will continue. With or without him.
emilywtf Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 That is probably the hardest thing, realizing that no matter how much you want to make it work, you cannot make the other person want to put forth the effort. My friend Mark told me, the law of osmosis does not apply to emotions. You can't love a person so much that they love you back. I spent 10 years in a marriage like that and, even though I want to vomit or beg him to try again, I know I have to move on because I know I deserve to be loved by someone the way I loved him. A relationship of equals- equal work, equal love, and mutual respect. I hope you find the peace you need to move forward.
Author youngnlove89 Posted December 8, 2012 Author Posted December 8, 2012 That is probably the hardest thing, realizing that no matter how much you want to make it work, you cannot make the other person want to put forth the effort. My friend Mark told me, the law of osmosis does not apply to emotions. You can't love a person so much that they love you back. I spent 10 years in a marriage like that and, even though I want to vomit or beg him to try again, I know I have to move on because I know I deserve to be loved by someone the way I loved him. A relationship of equals- equal work, equal love, and mutual respect. I hope you find the peace you need to move forward. Thanks. It's a shame really. Like wasted love. I loved someone so much, but it didn't matter. It never will. Just like I have had people really love me and I couldn't love them back that way. It's a shame. Hopefully one day I'll find that equal love. Seems like I only pick the guys who can't love me back.
oracle Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 You have been at this same place for months. people have been telling you that for months. Its got nothing to do with honest advice. But your neediness for attention. I was talking to my dad today, asking for advice, and I asked him "Why hasn't my ex called?" My dad said, "Because he doesn't give a sh.it. Simple as that. If he cared he would have called already." It hurt, but it was honest. I needed the truth versus a sugar-coated lie. I can't believe he hasn't even attempted to see how I am. Now that it's the weekend, it's hit me. My heart hurts. I won't contact him though. Just hurts that reality sunk in and I'm beginning to see how little my ex cared, even though he said he did. ...I'm beginning to see how little he loved me, even though he said he did.
emilywtf Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 I do not believe in wasted love, and it DID matter- to you. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. Do you best to take comfort in the knowledge that you did what you could- I know it is hard, but you cannot be faulted for not trying. You learned that he is a douche nozzle and that you can do, and deserve, much better. 1
Author youngnlove89 Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 I do not believe in wasted love, and it DID matter- to you. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. Do you best to take comfort in the knowledge that you did what you could- I know it is hard, but you cannot be faulted for not trying. You learned that he is a douche nozzle and that you can do, and deserve, much better. Thank you for this. That is the thing that helps me move on is knowing I did everything I could and there is nothing left for me to do but let go and walk away. It's hard, and every minute I think of him, but I know it wasn't meant to be. One day I'll be able to look back at this and appreciate the good times but I'll also be able to see that we weren't right for each other. I think the hardest part for me is seeing that he hasn't done anything to show me he still cares. Which in turn makes me realize he didn't care. Second hardest, is knowing that he will be touching, kissing, holding, loving someone else one day and it won't be me.
na49 Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Not trying to be a jerk, but maybe looking at it in a more realistic way will help you. He doesn't really owe you anything anymore. You guys aren't dating. He may still care, not enough though. He shouldn't have to show you he still cares, and you don't need to show him that you still care. (even though you still do) Also as much as that idea hurts, the idea that you'll find someone who will love you more then he ever did shouldn't. It's hard to be positive when things are going badly for us, but we can't be miserable forever and can't let them control our lives without them even knowing.
Author youngnlove89 Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 Not trying to be a jerk, but maybe looking at it in a more realistic way will help you. He doesn't really owe you anything anymore. You guys aren't dating. He may still care, not enough though. He shouldn't have to show you he still cares, and you don't need to show him that you still care. (even though you still do) Also as much as that idea hurts, the idea that you'll find someone who will love you more then he ever did shouldn't. It's hard to be positive when things are going badly for us, but we can't be miserable forever and can't let them control our lives without them even knowing. You are right. I just can't let go of that fairy tale idea that he will wake up and realize after awhile of not having me around that I am the one and that he will come back and want me the same way I want him. I guess my ego is a little hurt, why can't I be the one for him? What is wrong with me? How do I let go of the idea of him coming back one day? I think once I let that go, I can move on.
na49 Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 There's nothing wrong with you. No matter how much we may love someone, there's no way to make them love us back. I'd like to know how to get rid of the idea of my ex coming back one day too. I know that it will never happen and yet I still hope that it will. I think if you go long enough without them, you'll get tired of waiting and just give up.
Harradin Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Am in the same boat, got no idea what I did wrong, but it was all my ex's fault anyway, I treated her well and looked after her in her bad times. I'm trying to see how I can use this to move forward and putting the past behind me. Its better then worrying about what I did wrong, means I can take life as it comes like I did before my ex appeared in my life. Its not going too well but its a start
Recommended Posts