OTown42 Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 I have been seeing this girl for 6 months and things starting going a little south. I won't get into details because it's hard to articulate exactly but there was no major mistakes made just disagreements on some issues that are not out of the scope of a resolution. I did get accused on not having strong enough feelings for her but that's simply not the case. I told her so but it's like talking to a brick wall and I have to keep repeating myself. I'm far from perfect but it's hard when you are trying to get someone to understand you and have it seem like they are hearing what they want to hear. She did mention that she doesn't think we should be exclusive and I told her that I had no interest in that. It's not the relationship that I want and I know well enough that when that gets mentioned then I'm most likely just wanted around for emotional support. I stopped contacting her after that and she wanted answers a few days later. I again said that I have no interest in dating other people or being around if she was dating other people. We had some talks to try and sort it out and they were good and bad, we definitely gained more understanding of each other. Last night we were on the phone and talking and I again explained that I want to move forward and be positive but she was unsure if her heart was into it. Time was limited as she needed to get some stuff done and was sitting in her car talking and the battery was dying on the phone as well. She was asking if we should talk some more and I said that I really didn't see the need at this point. I told her it was easier to heal myself that way. She says that she didn't really understand why I would want to do that. I explained it a little bit more but not too much. She was expressing that she didn't like that idea and then HER PHONE DIED!!! Perfect timing!!! She texted me a little later saying that she was sorry her phoned died and we could still talk at that point but I was already in bed. I texted her back this morning and said that I think enough was said last night and this point I want to heal and move on. I said I wanted to focus on work more and concentrate on my training for a half marathon coming up at the end of January and do stuff that makes me happy. I then asked her if she could tell my the name of this place that sells these really good sandwiches that she was planning on taking me too when I reached a specific goal in my training. I told her I would like to take myself there as a reward for my accomplishment. She texted me back the name and that is the start of real NC for me. I'm optimistic about things and my main goal through it is to get over her. I'm in my 40s so I know that the connection we have is special so it makes it a little hard. My main problem is that I just moved to this area in February and really don't have a huge support structure around me and am looking for ways to cope with that. Any advice would help a lot!
Steve11 Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 Stand by your morals. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship if my other half was looking elsewhere. You've told her how you feel and you seem level headed. Concentrate on what you enjoy. If she wants you, she knows where you are. Wish I could follow my own advice!
Author OTown42 Posted December 7, 2012 Author Posted December 7, 2012 I read your thread Steve11, from what you described it doesn't seem to be as clear cut for you. My girl seems to think it's important to stay in contact but it will be more painful for me in the long run to support her that way when my gut tells me that she truly wants to move on. The sooner I accept that the faster I can heal. Stay strong and don't contact her. Give her time but focus on yourself and if you do that whatever happens you will be better off. If she does contact you I'm not sure how to handle that but there must be some advice on how to proceed from there. Good luck!
Simon Phoenix Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 Go out and meet people. Join a club (like a running club perhaps), play in an intramural sport, find a bar you like to go to, hang out at nonpeak days/hours and meet people there. If you can increase your social circle, then you are more likely to move on from your ex in a healthy matter and have the void that leaving her created closed a bit. I can sympathize with your issue. I'm in my 30s and moved to my current location in April and started dating my ex about a month after that. I didn't really meet anyone because I would just hang with her (with occasional hangouts with my friend who lives a half-hour away) when I wasn't working. She was my social circle for the few months we were together. But once we broke, I was like "oh crap, what do I do now?". I hung out with my friend more, but he's engaged and his fiance takes a lot of his time, plus the fact that he lived a bit away. So I went to this bar by where I live that I had discovered on the rare occasions when I wasn't with my ex and made friends with the bartender and several patrons. One of those patrons has become someone I hang out with semi-regularly. Also had another friend move into the area recently, so I hang out with him too. Also in the busy season at work too, which has helped fill my time. But if you go out and meet people, you won't need your ex's attention. And when you do eventually see her, which I'm sure you will, you'll be in a better place.
Author OTown42 Posted December 8, 2012 Author Posted December 8, 2012 Thanks Simon, that some good advice. Sounds like I'm in an identical situation that you were in. I do have one really good friend here that I play a lot of golf with but he just happens to be out of town this weekend so I'm just having a bit of a tough time seeing how it just started and don't have a lot to turn to at this point. She works at the golf club I belong to which makes it a little tougher but when I go I don't need to see her at all so it's not a huge issue but it might be tough if I see her car in the lot or something. I will just make a point at not looking in the area she parks as I drive by. This forum is great because it can sometimes paint a real clear picture of how to move forward especially when advice is given from someone who went through a similar thing. Thanks again.
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