Illusionist Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 You want to get to the next step? Why not make the first move yourself? After all, it's just chatting, not dancing, so HE doesn't need to take the lead. As well, there is nothing wrong about going yourself to get what you want, right?
DC4 Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 Are you my "ex"? He told me up front that he was emotionally unavailable, but then dated me all summer. He was incredibly affectionate, thoughtful, funny, spent my birthday with me and my friends, met my coworkers. Daily phone calls, good morning texts, staying up all night listening to music. He was becoming a big part of my life. Three months later when I asked if we were exclusive, he balked and said - "Look it's time we stopped lying to each other here." There was more to it than that but yeah, needless to say he left me pretty crushed. I'm pretty sure I am dating him now. I was a little surprised to know we were not a thing but hey, he's someone I like hanging out with so I don't take him seriously at this point.
Author mesmerized Posted December 7, 2012 Author Posted December 7, 2012 Well be careful not to build him up either and make assumptions on what kind of man he is and the character or integrity he has before even really knowing him. I'm sure he's been a nice enough guy at this point, but It's easy to be a good guy over the internet, that stuff you're talking about doesn't take a lot of work and effort for a guy that does it naturally anyway, charisma and conversational skills can come without effort...and he can also only show the person what you want them to see and hide the other stuff. The internet is good for concealment. So either way don't get too ahead of yourself, If he knows what he's doing he can kick it into high gear at any point and start pulling you into to his shenanigans If he's looking to play that duality of good guy/bad guy. Just remember, you never know a man right away, no matter what the vibes feel like or how good or great he's coming off, that's the easy part. If anything, guys like me and If he's anything like me, can be very dangerous for women emotionally. I've hurt a lot of women with "good intentions". Yeah, Ive been hurt by this behavior before, well just once. But I still don't regret having met him.
FitChick Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 I went through something similar. I was planning to be in this guy's city and he kept sending short messages, not really responding directly. Finally, right before my flight I emailed, "I only have a short period of time I will be in [city]. As of today, I am available on Friday, Sunday and Tuesday. My flight leaves Wednesday morning. If you'd like to meet, let me know if any of those days work." He immediately confirmed a day. Like Ninja said, he had a lot of "options" in his large city, as well as running his own business, so I understood that I was a low priority living far away. If he had lived near to me, I wouldn't have bothered since I don't chase but this was a vacation for me so I figured I had nothing to lose.
Kimbra Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 (edited) What's weird about him is that he says in his profile he is not looking for any commitment which I guess might be the reason. However, he asks me questions that commitment minded men ask. He just asks about my days, job, family and interests, nothing sexual or shady. He is very polite compared to all the guys online and just hasn't shown any shady behavior so far. I went on OLD again just a couple of weeks ago. I can cut it lose but meeting men other than with old is not very easy for me due to my demanding job and busy friends/lifestyle. Oh my current ex was exactly like this! Being polite is all part of their game to throw you off (because most guys are jerks right?!) To get you sucked in. This guy (always ringing and messaging me first) sent me texts during the day asking about my day, telling me about his (he never sent sexual texts), we even went out on dates in public which he plans days in advance, he was very open about getting to know me when in the end after seeing a few red flags. I find out he was just after a long term friends with benefits. . From experience they do mean what they say when they are not looking for long term. As soon as I was more upfront about not wanting friends with benefits with this guy. He ended it before I could. Have not heard from him since. Just be careful with this one. If you want a relationship with someone. If you guys do meet let him know before sleeping with him (if it does get to that point) that you are looking for something long term. Wish I had with the last guy. Oh and do not be afraid to loose him if he does not want the same things as you do. That is what online dating/dating in general is for weeding out the duds till someone better suited comes along. Edited December 7, 2012 by Kimbra
Recommended Posts