in her head i am an option

[frederickkk]

i know this is the case.

 

and all the attention i give her by emailing just fuels that.

 

now if i pull away, that is a huge step for me. ****ing huge...

 

i appreciate everything that is said in this forum, and I listen to advice, but i dont execute on the advice.

 

i know deep down i have to move on....right now im in this grey area mentally, with some small hope, and im scared of moving on, because if i do, that will send me into a horribly dark place, and i dont want to be there, i may not get out of it.

 

so if someone could tell me how to move on, without falling into this dark place, id very much appreciate it.

 

the reason i have hope, is because i never had complete closure, from her in person. changing her number is a sign. not saying happy birthday is a sign. that happened because i couldnt handle the situation, NOT because she has moved on.

Edited December 7, 2012 by frederickkk

[Toddbt12y1]

i know this is the case.

 

and all the attention i give her by emailing just fuels that.

 

now if i pull away, that is a huge step for me. ****ing huge...

 

i appreciate everything that is said in this forum, and I listen to advice, but i dont execute on the advice.

 

i know deep down i have to move on....right now im in this grey area mentally, with some small hope, and im scared of moving on, because if i do, that will send me into a horribly dark place, and i dont want to be there, i may not get out of it.

 

so if someone could tell me how to move on, without falling into this dark place, id very much appreciate it.

 

the reason i have hope, is because i never had complete closure, from her in person. changing her number is a sign. not saying happy birthday is a sign. that happened because i couldnt handle the situation, NOT because she has moved on.

 

Only you can make yourself and option. Instead make her the option. Don't sit and wait as an optional Guy - look: no hope. That's what it is...no hope. Don't give her the joy of knowing you are an optional potential. Ignore her sorry ass.

[Sav]

oh god. Ok I'll start by telling you outright that the way she acted was (is) because she moved on. I don't know how more obvious can it get before you finally get the message.

 

You say you know you have to move on. Actions speak louder than words. Apparently you do not know and are just playing around with words trying to justify your actions. I'll not go into detail on how much more pathetic one can get. I'll try to answer your question on how to move on.

 

Now you probably know the steps to move on. NC, keep busy bla bla. You know these rules already and I'm giving you the benefit of doubt since you said you don't want to fall into the "dark place".

 

Well, I'd hate to tell you but the "dark place" is unavoidable. You can't escape that "dark place" if you truly want to heal. There is merit in the saying "No pain no gain". You want to gain freedom, self-independence, self-respect. You have to fork out a price. The price would be falling into that "dark place". Everyone has a different kind of "dark place". But inevitably you will feel useless, worthless and doubt your self worth. It is ultimately up to YOU to get out of there yourself. By the way, you are already in that "dark place", you're just delusional and unable to see/accept it.

 

I'm really sorry to say that it doesn't matter what we or anyone say because it is obvious you don't want to help yourself. Strangers over the internet armed with a computer can only do this much to help you. What you have done over and over again reinforce the fact that you like being stuck in this loophole. For your info, I have broken up for around 6months now and I have had ZERO contact since the breakup. I can tell you now I would very much like to contact her and ask for another chance but I know it will all come to naught.

 

And you know what? I'm now in a MUCH better place than I was 5months ago. Because I chose to get out of there MYSELF. I told myself I had enough and I didn't want to have something to do with someone who didn't want me. I didn't need "closure", her breaking up with me was closure enough. I stood up, walked away and never looked back.

 

I see that you are 25 now. This just confirms the fact that age is just another number because you're acting like a 3 year old who can't have his toy. GROW UP. Grown ups at the age of 25 deal with crap and move the hell on, not cry and whine like a baby for months. You're my senior and I'd hate to lecture you but as a fellow man to another fellow man, I have to tell you to stop being pathetic.

 

You can say ALL you want. About how you want to move on, how you bla bla bla bla bla bla. It won't happen with just your mouth. Act on it and then you WILL see some changes. I can't emphasize enough about stop being pathetic because it pains me and saddens me to see another fellow human being reduced to such a state just because of another girl. Yes, I cried I wept I begged and did all sorts of nonsense when the breakup happened but I stopped within 2 weeks. Look where I am now. I'm not 100% healed to be honest but I most definitely improved and am becoming much better. You on the other hand, are just stuck in the quicksand shouting for help but refusing to grab someone's hand.

 

So my final piece of advice, deal with this with some maturity. Acknowledge that life doesn't always go the way you plan it to be. Man up and take responsibility. The only person that can help you is you.

[frederickkk]

maybe i should phone her dad up and get a straight ****ing answer. because im not dealing with this.

[frederickkk]

oh god. Ok I'll start by telling you outright that the way she acted was (is) because she moved on. I don't know how more obvious can it get before you finally get the message.

 

You say you know you have to move on. Actions speak louder than words. Apparently you do not know and are just playing around with words trying to justify your actions. I'll not go into detail on how much more pathetic one can get. I'll try to answer your question on how to move on.

 

Now you probably know the steps to move on. NC, keep busy bla bla. You know these rules already and I'm giving you the benefit of doubt since you said you don't want to fall into the "dark place".

 

Well, I'd hate to tell you but the "dark place" is unavoidable. You can't escape that "dark place" if you truly want to heal. There is merit in the saying "No pain no gain". You want to gain freedom, self-independence, self-respect. You have to fork out a price. The price would be falling into that "dark place". Everyone has a different kind of "dark place". But inevitably you will feel useless, worthless and doubt your self worth. It is ultimately up to YOU to get out of there yourself. By the way, you are already in that "dark place", you're just delusional and unable to see/accept it.

 

I'm really sorry to say that it doesn't matter what we or anyone say because it is obvious you don't want to help yourself. Strangers over the internet armed with a computer can only do this much to help you. What you have done over and over again reinforce the fact that you like being stuck in this loophole. For your info, I have broken up for around 6months now and I have had ZERO contact since the breakup. I can tell you now I would very much like to contact her and ask for another chance but I know it will all come to naught.

 

And you know what? I'm now in a MUCH better place than I was 5months ago. Because I chose to get out of there MYSELF. I told myself I had enough and I didn't want to have something to do with someone who didn't want me. I didn't need "closure", her breaking up with me was closure enough. I stood up, walked away and never looked back.

 

I see that you are 25 now. This just confirms the fact that age is just another number because you're acting like a 3 year old who can't have his toy. GROW UP. Grown ups at the age of 25 deal with crap and move the hell on, not cry and whine like a baby for months. You're my senior and I'd hate to lecture you but as a fellow man to another fellow man, I have to tell you to stop being pathetic.

 

You can say ALL you want. About how you want to move on, how you bla bla bla bla bla bla. It won't happen with just your mouth. Act on it and then you WILL see some changes. I can't emphasize enough about stop being pathetic because it pains me and saddens me to see another fellow human being reduced to such a state just because of another girl. Yes, I cried I wept I begged and did all sorts of nonsense when the breakup happened but I stopped within 2 weeks. Look where I am now. I'm not 100% healed to be honest but I most definitely improved and am becoming much better. You on the other hand, are just stuck in the quicksand shouting for help but refusing to grab someone's hand.

 

So my final piece of advice, deal with this with some maturity. Acknowledge that life doesn't always go the way you plan it to be. Man up and take responsibility. The only person that can help you is you.

 

if she moved on, she would have blocked my email.

[jwhite]

No contact dammit

[frederickkk]

im sat here, torn. its not funny.

 

someone add me on skype and talk this out of me.

 

 

skype address: davebarber1234

 

i would really appreciate it.

[Sav]

if she moved on, she would have blocked my email.

 

I'm done giving advice. If you want to be pathetic then go ahead. See you in a year where you're still crying your guts out like a baby.

 

Oh yea btw, my ex have not blocked me on email, not changed her number, nothing. If I sent her something she would respond because she is a nice girl. However I have no qualms about her moving on. Apparently at a younger age, I can see things clearer than you.

 

Just stay single for the rest of your life, no girl deserves to get suffocated by you like this. Psychopath

Edited December 7, 2012 by Sav

[frederickkk]

cheers "Sav"

[Pinkbutterflybarbie]

Sav - is there any need to be that rude? Really? This person is obviously going through emotional turmoil and wants comforting words, how does you calling him pathetic help? Your message isn't a jolt to his system, those words hurt and push further in the opposite direction. I know because I came on here months ago and some of the comments genuinely offended me and I thought I would just do what I thought was right myself because quite frankly some of the people on here need to get off their moral high ground and pack in the preaching.

Just my two-pennies worth.

[Sav]

Sav - is there any need to be that rude? Really? This person is obviously going through emotional turmoil and wants comforting words, how does you calling him pathetic help? Your message isn't a jolt to his system, those words hurt and push further in the opposite direction. I know because I came on here months ago and some of the comments genuinely offended me and I thought I would just do what I thought was right myself because quite frankly some of the people on here need to get off their moral high ground and pack in the preaching.

Just my two-pennies worth.

 

I'm not being rude towards him. I'm being critical and harsh. You would know if you went back and saw his previous posts. Plenty of people TRIED to help him and you can see for yourself how did he respond to those genuine advices and help people gave. I once tried to do the same "soft approach" and I'm now using the hard approach. High horse? I don't think so. I know how it feels to be in his shoes but as I've stated, go back and see the advices people had given him and see how far he has come. Obviously he didn't take the advice of people and is asking for more advice hoping the advice will change and justify his actions.

 

And then let me ask you now. Where are all the people who have been giving advice to him relentlessly throughout these months? Nowhere. You want to know why? Go back and read his past threads. People think he's a troll or he's an idiot. And people WISH he was a troll and not this stupid. I'm one of the few who are still responding to his posts. Because I don't want to give up and as I said, I don't want to see a grown man turn into some pathetic mush.

 

Let me emphasize again. Go read his past threads. Obviously you haven't. You would see that people were sympathetic with him till he kept on cursing and refused to budge. He stomped on all the advices into the ground. You're asking people to get off their high horse? YOU get off your high horse. I'm sorry some people offended you on the forums and you can choose to turn a deaf ear to them but good people have been offering good advice and kind words to this guy for god knows how long.

 

I'm not pissed at people not being able to move on because I know how hard is it to do so. I've had my fair share of breakups and they were serious long-term relationships. BUT to outright disregard advices and continue asking for advice hoping it will change is just wasting people's time. Once again, go read his past threads. He had his fair share of "kind words", if one approach doesn't cut it, hopefully a hard approach will

[veggirl]

call her dad?! for what? what answer are you looking for?

 

You have no idea if your emails are blocked or not, if they are blocked they go straight to her trash. has she responded?

 

I take it you didn't make it through Nov w/o contacting her.

 

sigh.

 

Plz post a copy of one of the emails you send!

[frederickkk]

no, i didnt.

 

 

sorry veggirl.

[ReadMyThread]

no, i didnt.

 

 

sorry veggirl.

 

Fred you seriously need professional help. It's been like 5 months now man. Give it up.

[veggirl]

no, i didnt.

 

 

sorry veggirl.

 

Well, lol that's okay.

 

Perhaps when you are tempted to write an email you could write it but then wait til the next morning to send it. maybe you'll re-consider by then and not do it?

[frederickkk]

Well, lol that's okay.

 

Perhaps when you are tempted to write an email you could write it but then wait til the next morning to send it. maybe you'll re-consider by then and not do it?

 

sent one on wednesday....i tend to send them every wed and saturday.

[Jono85]

u guys are getting trolled HARD. i can't believe u guys don't have the common sense to see it..

[frederickkk]

hey jono, go crawl back under the rock you came from. if anyone here is a troll, its you buddy.

[NavyAirTraffic]

u guys are getting trolled HARD. i can't believe u guys don't have the common sense to see it..

 

Joni is right, PLEASE STOP HUMORING HIM BY RESPONDING TO HIS THREADS!!!

 

Frederickkk only posts for attention, doesn't take or listen to any advice. He's received all the advice he will ever need.

[frederickkk]

He's received all the advice he will ever need.

 

correct. whether i listen or keep fighting is a different story.

[Jono85]

hey jono, go crawl back under the rock you came from. if anyone here is a troll, its you buddy.

 

i don't make buddies with trolls. sorry.

[frederickkk]

again, prick

[lakerman34]

I think you'd have better results if you also send an email on Monday and Thursday as well. Just saying.

 

Would love to see the contents of your emails though!

[spaniard]

frederickkk, you are not fighting. There is no war. The war is over and you lost it. You keep opening new threads while saying

 

"i appreciate everything that is said in this forum, and I listen to advice, but i dont execute on the advice. "

 

which precisely means you don't listen to any advice. so why do you want us to give you advice if you are too weak to use them?

 

We did everything we could for you. It's sad that you didn't do anything for you. you have heard great tips on how to move on. Even myself, who was dumped almost exactly when you were dumped could use some of them. And don't get me wrong, but in the past 5 months I have made HUGE progress since Day 1, joined a boxing club, started a skydiving course (fking love it), train harder than ever and cook for myself etcetc. Results? She has no control over me at all, I don't care about what she's doing, what she's up to, sometimes I don't think of her for DAYS and I'm totally ready for a new relationship. She even tried to contact me a few times since the BU, but never got what she wanted. This break-up made me a man. And you achieved nothing, you threw yourself in the pity party 5 months ago and you don't wanna end it.

 

You still hold on to things like "she gave me mixed messages in October" and "she probably still have feelings for me, because she went to police ONLY ONCE and she DIDN'T BLOCK MY EMAILS, just hasn't answered for a few months." Are you kiddin me?

 

Shame on you frederickkk, because you are a weak person and you will never get the girl back.

 

There are girls and guys here who went through the same or worse, came here asking for advice on how to move on. When they got it, they tried to apply to their lives NO MATTER HOW PAINFUL IT WAS to get healed and to move on. I read your previous thread, there were number of great posts there. The guide on NC written by CaliGuy (you can find that here ) is also of great help. You never used any of them.

 

I'm rather curious by the way about WHAT you can write to her twice a week. "Hello, this is my Wednesday reminder that I exist." or what? I hope it's not something like "I still love you please come back to me" because that would be not only weak but absolutely pathetic.

 

I think there are two situations which can show a man's real personality. First, when we get absolute power over someone or something, and second, funny enough, a break up. These two situations can reveal what a man is made of. Well, we have seen it what you are made of, just like you have seen it and your ex girlfriend has seen it. Until you man up and face facts like a man, I'm done with you. Write her letters every day, go to her house, call her parents, harass her until she calls the police again. And then find a good sign in the fact that she went to police only twice.

Edited December 8, 2012 by spaniard