get me through the weekend !

[Own Worst Enemy]

so the situation with myex remains best friends, not dating other people, but not sleeping together either. clearly it's a melting pot of emotion and disaster, and there's a whole lot bubbling beneath the surface, but we've kind of mutually ignored the elephant in the room most of the time. when we see each other it's amazing.

 

until v recently, the contact has been rather intense - some days lots and lots of emails or texts; other days less so, but generally a lot of contact. he will send me silly things like youtube links, pics of what he is doing, tweets from people he follows, as well as more serious stuff like emails from his boss for my input.

 

last weekend he went to sweden with his friend (i know, hot girls everywhere, doom) and although i can't believe he would do anything without telling me (he is seriously intense about cheating), i got far fewer emails than would normally be the case. to put it into perspective, whilst he was on holiday in america for 10 days in august i got 450 emails. this 3 day weekend, i got 15. so this break in pattern was a bit alarming.

 

and it has changed for the worse this week - nothing on monday except one tweet at midnight; tue he was back to normal. wed and thu v little contact, and today nothing at all. i have kept it very light and just replied to whatever he has sent me but haven't initiated anything.

 

however, this is KILLING me! i know that long-term i need to cut it off for good, of course i do. but right now i can't think that far ahead, i just need to work out how to stop eyeballing my phone like it did something wrong. the silence after nearly 2 years of daily contact is horrific and it's making me hysterical. how can i hold my head up and not care? i have a cinema trip and dinner tonight, writing session and a party, lunch with friends on sunday, and i don't want to be the miserable neurotic loser than i am now.... ack!!!!!!!!!!

[veggirl]

Obviously he was doing things he doesn't want you to know about.

 

Why are you trying to play it cool? Why don't you take control of the situation by telling him straight up that you are not ready to be "best friends" and you need time to yourself and not to contact you. Then you don't need to be checking your phone. Why are you doing this to yourself? If you were "best friends" you wouldn't be freaking out like this. Take care of your own self!!!

[beyond]

so the situation with myex remains best friends, not dating other people, but not sleeping together either. clearly it's a melting pot of emotion and disaster, and there's a whole lot bubbling beneath the surface, but we've kind of mutually ignored the elephant in the room most of the time. when we see each other it's amazing.

 

until v recently, the contact has been rather intense - some days lots and lots of emails or texts; other days less so, but generally a lot of contact. he will send me silly things like youtube links, pics of what he is doing, tweets from people he follows, as well as more serious stuff like emails from his boss for my input.

 

last weekend he went to sweden with his friend (i know, hot girls everywhere, doom) and although i can't believe he would do anything without telling me (he is seriously intense about cheating), i got far fewer emails than would normally be the case. to put it into perspective, whilst he was on holiday in america for 10 days in august i got 450 emails. this 3 day weekend, i got 15. so this break in pattern was a bit alarming.

 

and it has changed for the worse this week - nothing on monday except one tweet at midnight; tue he was back to normal. wed and thu v little contact, and today nothing at all. i have kept it very light and just replied to whatever he has sent me but haven't initiated anything.

 

however, this is KILLING me! i know that long-term i need to cut it off for good, of course i do. but right now i can't think that far ahead, i just need to work out how to stop eyeballing my phone like it did something wrong. the silence after nearly 2 years of daily contact is horrific and it's making me hysterical. how can i hold my head up and not care? i have a cinema trip and dinner tonight, writing session and a party, lunch with friends on sunday, and i don't want to be the miserable neurotic loser than i am now.... ack!!!!!!!!!!

 

His finger has probably dropped off!

 

Seriously - he sent you 450 emails when he went on a 10 day holiday - 45 emails a day???? And now you are worried because he 'only' sent you 15 emails on a 3 day weekend away!!!!

 

This dynamic doesn't sound healthy at all, more like an addiction.

 

Go and do all the things you have planned - force yourself if you have to....and leave your phone behind!

[na49]

You can't be friends with your ex. Tell him if you want, or just don't talk to him anymore, but it's all on you. Your being miserable has nothing to do with him, he's living his life. Start living yours. I used to struggle with checking my phone hoping for texts from my ex, I've stopped but still haven't blocked her number so the idea in the back of my head that she still CAN text me messes with me at times. If it gets bad enough, I will have to block the number for my sake, and if you find yourself in my situation you may want to consider it.

[Own Worst Enemy]

You are all right, I just need to strap on a pair.

 

He eventually texted to say he will be quiet for a bit because he is stressed (he has done this periodically as long as I have known him) and the difference to my peace of mind was amazing. Deliberate silence I can cope with; the panic if not knowing is crippling.

 

There is a massive lesson here about the power of the mind and what it can do to you. How do you harness it for good not evil, that is what I must learn!!!