laddie Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 Posted my first thread in another section. But was curious to know people's thoughts on this. I've split with my ex over 5 weeks ago. She left with our child because we were both arguing a lot, cash issues, lack of affection between us, etc We spoke on a couple of occasions, I told her I was willing to make an effort to fix things (the faults on my part) and I still loved her. She decided to stay put at her parents house instead of coming back. I've left her alone, no texts or phone calls unless its about picking up my child, etc The thing is, one minute she texts me in a friendly way, smiley faces, etc then the next she sends texts abrupt and cold. It's confusing me why she blows hot and cold. I've gave her NC unless she gets in touch, or about our child. I've paid her regular child support and I see my child on a regular basis. I've kept my responses friendly even when her texts are slightly hostile. Why would she be friendly one minute and stand offish/ hostile the next? Could it be because I've not been chasing her and pleading for another chance? Or she's unsure if she cares for me or hates me? Any advice would be great..,
Author laddie Posted December 8, 2012 Author Posted December 8, 2012 Disappointing no one has any advice or thoughts on this. Eighty odd views and no help..
ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 Yours is a tricky one. Typically when your ex is hostile towards you they seem to still have feelings and use that as a defense mechanism to avoid either the guilt or mask their feelings. I've seen it in a couple of my friends where they are hostile to their ex and usually the culprit is that they still have feelings but dont want to feel those feelings. Anger is a better emotion than hurt. As for her being hot then cold not sure what that is. Perhaps confusion on if she made the right decision? I'm not sure about that portion of it. Good Luck. 1
Author laddie Posted December 8, 2012 Author Posted December 8, 2012 Thanks for the feedback, much appreciated. Guess I've got to keep the NC going and leave her alone, unless it's dealing with our daughter. Not much else I can do I suppose. Thank you..
veggirl Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 Yes leave her alone, she is (consciously or not) basically testing you to see what you will put up with. If you are hoping for a reconcilliation, your only hope is by getting her respect, which you won't get when she knows she can treat you however she feels like treating you. Don't respond to anything unless its about your kid!! 1
ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 I agree maintain NC. I'm not sure how long you guys have been broken up but the anger can not last forever. If you are constantly there then she can hold on to that anger because you will be a constant reminder of the hurt or whatever. If you stop and leave her alone then at some point she will have to deal with her emotions because your not there for her to be mad at. 1
Author laddie Posted December 8, 2012 Author Posted December 8, 2012 Ok thanks a lot for the advice. I'll keep up with the NC. Whatever happens at least I'll keep my self respect, handling the situation in the right way. Ps we've been apart for around 6 weeks.
magnoliasoutherly Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 Why would she be friendly one minute and stand offish/ hostile the next?Because she's trying to manipulate you. Gawd I could write a book on my ex and his manipulative behavior. He did the same thing. Ignoring it, not trying to second guess it, and only addressing the child is absolutely the only thing you should do. Do not let her manipulate you into a conversation. Let her rant and rave and be the bad one. Not you. 1
Author laddie Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 Just thought I'd give a update on my situation. It might give some hope to others in the same boat. I'm back seeing my ex now, she wants to try again and make things work. I'm going to take things slow and see how it goes. Think it helped a lot giving her space and not asking/begging to get back with her. I basically left her totally alone unless it was to do with our child, and started to get on with my life. Whatever happens at least it helps keep self respect and start the process to heal and move on quicker. Anyway, thanks to those who replied and gave advice in this thread when I needed it, it helped a lot. Good luck to those in a similar situation, hope it works out for you too..
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