Ladies-Ex won't stop contact, yet she ended it

[letsfindout]

I’m going to try to make this short. My question is – I’ve moved on, but she keeps making contact. She broke up with me 2.5 years ago, broke my heart. I first met her 10 years ago, love at first sight for me and we first dated a few months, she stopped it citing different schools, etc. I never forgot her, didn’t really hear from her until 2/3 or so years later she calls me saying she’s moving back and seeing how I’m doing. Then she doesn’t make contact and I find out she moved to another state with her then boyfriend. At that point I was fine with it, mid twenties and dating others, I was happy for her. She was with this guy for 7 years, but still would myspace hi me once and a while. Then they break up, she moves back to my home town 3 years ago (I live 1.5 hours away) and we start dating 6 months later – way to soon to end of her lt relationship. She ended it after 4 months, even though at first she was telling me how strong she was feeling about me. We went on a vacation the week of breaking up and admittedly, I was acting strange – I was freaked out that I finally am with the girl I loved and was not really confident in myself at the time. I admitted I felt strange, acted distant, little compliments and apologized. Said she felt love starting but said the spark was dying and we should be friends. I told her how I truly felt – love, letters to her etc. She said she didn’t feel the same, but said she couldn’t say in the future she may get those feelings back. She almost came back, but didn’t. So I ended contact for about 6-7 months until she messages me on facebook and says she wants to be friends. We go out for coffee 3 times in the next 6 months, last time last July. I blocked her facebook page from view as soon as she added me, knowing that I would obsess, but not wanting to defriend her. So over the last 2 years she continues to post on my wall at first – posting a pic of a Hollywood heartthrob saying I look like him - then just once in a while commenting or liking. After the July coffee I completely stopped making any effort, feeling she’s just jerking me around. Then she started dating someone last fall and stopped contact other than our birthdays. This May she likes my status out of nowhere and slowly since has been pretty consistent doing this every two weeks or so, liking statuses or commenting. I started an instagram and moving on I didn’t even think of even looking for her (as I wouldn’t want to see her pics anyway) and then she starts following me on there in August. On instagram you can’t block pics if you follow someone and I don’t follow anyone because I don’t want to appear like I’m just not following her and following others, as I don’t want to be bothered with following her. Anyway, she likes pics of me on there again every other week. Including yesterday liking a pic I put up of myself.

I’m really confused as to why this girl is seeking attention from me after 2.5 years of breaking my heart. Knowing that she broke it and how I felt/feel about her, why would a girl do that when she’s getting no response from me – I haven’t commented or liked or followed anything from her in 2 years (aside from when she will ask a question on my status). I understand girls like to know they can have guys on the shelf for their self esteem, but I’ve also made no indication that I want to communicate with her, so it’s not like I’m complimenting her pics like she does mine. It’s like I broke up with her and she’s trying to get me back. A month ago she liked a week old status at 4 in the morning, indicating she was on my facebook page at 4 in the morning. Confused cause I would never do this type of thing with exes I ended it with.

Ladies – some insight, please. Do I just defriend her and offend her – she was ‘upset’ when I defriended her even after she broke up with me. Should I ask her for coffee and explain my feelings one last time and ask her to either give it a shot or leave me be? Do you think she does have some feelings but is afraid to try (divorced parents and very shy girl)? I know that some will say I should just block her on all sites and move on, but she still comes up in dreams. She was definitely what I saw as ‘the one’ and I would look back and wonder if she was trying to reach out and wanted me to be more aggressive. Advice?

[TaraMaiden]

The only reason she keeps making contact is - because she can.

The only way you can stop it, is to QUIT RESPONDING IN ALL AND ANY AND EVERY WAY AT ALL!!

 

If she calls/texts/writes - and you reply - then I'm sorry, but you're a bigger fool than she is.

Who cares about her being upset?

 

Stop acceding to her demanding nature, cut her off at the knees and quit being a 'patsy', fellah.

And forget dreams. They don't count. Once she drops off your radar and you go total NC, they'll stop too.....

[letsfindout]

As I said in my writing, I haven't made any such contact. In 2 years. I hear what you're saying, but can you explain why someone would contact just because the can? I just don't understand. I'm online friends with exes I ended with and another that ended with me and there's never any contact either direction because why would there be?

[TaraMaiden]

No I can't explain it. neither can you, or anyone else. I doubt she would be able to either.

You can't second-guess the motives and mind-workings of someone else.

 

it's not about what they do.

It's about what you do.

 

And you have a choice.

[Gottabestrong]

She obviously still cares about you. I am not exactly sure about the timeline, but it sounds like you have not talked to her since July 2011. Is that right?

 

And all she does is like your stuff on facebook? And you never reply?

 

I'd say either you ask her why she keeps doing it and if she wants to reconcile, or you block/delete her if you don't want to hear from her anymore. After 2.5 years I think it is very strange for her to keep liking your stuff still.

 

The only reason I would like stuff on an ex's page is if we were such good friends, that I was sure there were no romatic feelings left on either side, or I was trying to get back together with him.

[letsfindout]

Yea. I haven't reached out since July 11, aside from 2 happy birthdays (considering she still wishes to me). She likes stuff on fb and instagram. The fb stuff I was ok with, but liking pics of me on instagram, let alone to start following me 2 years after is very strange. And no, I don't go to her fb page, don't have her on my feed and don't follow her on any other sites. It's more odd that she's dating someone and still doing all that to someone that told her all I told her - I spilled my heart out and told her everything, so she's well aware of my feelings. I'm with you - only reason I'd contact an ex I dated would be an out of the blue sighting and a hello or if I was interested in trying, not some Internet friendship with someone who I would know has moved on.

[letsfindout]

Another note I forgot - last feb I got a friend request from her aunt she's close with and never met. Then it was deleted a few hours later. Obviously, 9 months after the breakup I was a topic of conversation. It's that stuff that confuses the hell outta me

[Harradin]

I had a similar situation but mine isn't as dragged out.

 

My ex left me for someone else 'ex friend' 3 months ago (2 and a half month relationship, both first loves,) she kept finding a reason to text me (I did the usual and not reply until the next day etc) and asking friends about me 2-3 weeks later.

 

As she was acting like we were a couple etc so I decided to ask her to reconcile by delivering a video round (decided to give it my best shot and do something special,) she met up with me that night and still acted like a couple, holding my hands, sitting on my lap cuddling me etc. She suddenly turned round and told me she didn't know whether she should leave the guy she left me for, to get back with me or to stay with him. So I told her I'm not messing around and she needs to choose, she ended up choosing him.

 

Not heard anything from her since (about a month and a half) other then a couple of Facebook comments on mutual friends status's (she's not on my facebook so she can still comment towards me) but they were breadcrumbs so I ignored them.

 

Hope this sorta helps, if you ask her to reconcile, even if it doesn't work out maybe she'll stop contacting you.

[Sugarkane]

If one of us dumpees did this at a ridiculous 2.5 years later, can you imagine the response you would get? Either completely laughed at or called psycho and crazy and threatened with police action. Why do you give into it?

[atonement]

I can totally totally relate your problem with mine. Actually I am in exact opposite situation as you. Its me who wants to go back to a boyfriend I left 3 years ago. So I can understand as I had done the same facebook liking thing 2 days ago on his old status.

 

The worst thing with Ex's are they are like quicksand. No matter how had you convince yourself that you will be smart, you will go down the moment you put your step into it.

 

You have to decide once and for all, whether you want her in your life or not. Decisiveness is very necessary in such cases.

[letsfindout]

So what is your thought on my situation atonement? Part of the reason I'm conflicted is cause I'm not sure it shows weakness by msging her or if she just will keep up the liking because she wants me to make a move. And if you're saying decide - you mean just to put it all out there again so I can either move on or move forward?

[coffeebean201]

It is ok to stay friends, but I would wait until you have a serious girlfriend that you trust/love before this woman is a part of your life again.

 

Hugs

[letsfindout]

I'm not sure what you mean coffeebean.

[CptSaveAho]

Lets make this simple....

 

Move on.... you are friendzoned

 

That is all.... stop overanalyzing this