RedIvy Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 My best friend has this boyfriend and she wanted some advice on what to do. They've been dating for 2 months and he's showing huge clear signs that he has an attachment disorder! They are extremely affectionate with each other (even to the point where it's annoying for me but whaaatever) She shows him that she cares, she tells him that she loves him etc. They're facebook page is completely covered with pictures of just the two of them. But, he is certain that she does not spend much time with him. (They're together every day, just about. I...hardly see her) He gets "mopey" and whiny whenever she's on her phone texting, or if they are out and she runs into people that she knows. He told her that her life seems to be too busy and that she doesn't care enough. She's also in school for Nursing, so she needs to study. He gets upset when she chooses to study for the night, instead of being with him. He's not a mean guy and he has a sense of humour. When they first met, he was awesome. Very easy going, very happy-go-lucky and very sweet. He'd still do anything for her, but it seems to come with a price. He is trying to isolate her it seems. She's feeling smothered. What should she do? Has anyone gone through this? This is getting scary now!
Balzac Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 Not sure why it's scary? The guy sounds troubled. She cannot fix his problems. Having said that, nursing is a caregiving, helping profession. She's tolerated him this far but maybe she can see the light now. My advice to a friend would be to end it. No friendship and make it a clean break. Why get bogged down with a guy who lacks reasonable boundaries? At any age. She's got her whole life ahead if her!
TaraMaiden Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 Oh what Bullschytt. He's needy, clingy and insecure. "Attachment Disorder" indeed! he may well need counselling for his passive-aggressive neediness and insecurity - but not everything needs a damn label.....!
KathyM Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 She needs to rethink if it makes sense to continue with him. If he is this clingy and has such greater needs for togetherness than she is willing or able to give him, then they are not a match, and she needs to find someone who will give her a little space. She may want to suggest to him that he see a counselor to talk about boundaries, having a well integrated life, and how to nurture a relationship, because she is sensing a dependency that needs to be worked on.
TaraMaiden Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 Furthermore, the more she puts up with him/ gives in to him, the worse it will get. her caving in to his demands won't fix him or make him better. On the contrary. She can't 'fix' him, and needs to extricate herself now, before his temperament becomes unmanageable.
mtber75 Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 I had this same thing happen to me with my best friend. But it was his wife that had a clear passive aggressive issue! Well he ended up marrying her and they have a baby now. So I don't see him anymore and his personality changed dramatically! The other advise is true, longer she is with him, the worst his behavior will get. These issues or disorders get worst with age. God help her if your friend end up marrying this guy, than he essentially got her under his fingers!
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