Strange Happenings Afoot

[lakerman34]

I don't know if this even warrants a response from any of you guys, but some WEIRD things have been happening with my ex's new relationship, and I'm somehow weirdly involved?

 

-I was told my a friend of mine who's little sister is best friends with my ex that she was in the club grinding on a guy that ISN'T her new boyfriend.

 

-I'm graduating in a week. I'm in this club where I've grown quite friendly with the other seniors, and some of the younger guys really look up to me. The faculty member in charge of the club, a young, black man has become quite a friend of mine. My ex is also in the club. He told me I should go to the last meeting (yesterday afternoon) to give closure to the club so friends know what I'm doing after graduation, and told me that my ex hasn't been showing up to meetings anyway. I didn't go. Then, my roommate (also in the club) told me it was weird because her boyfriend was at the meeting. He has NO affiliation to the club whatsoever, and has never showed any intention of joining. My ex wasn't there.

 

-My psychology lecture has 80 students. My good friend and his girlfriend sit behind me. It has been this way all semester. My ex's boyfriend is in the class and he ALWAYS sits at the back of the classroom. I sit towards the front. Today, he sat DIRECTLY behind me (which was weird considering there weren't that many people in the room, and he, for the first time all semester, sat somewhere else OTHER than the back of the room).

 

-Tonight is my ex's sorority formal. I thought she was going to go with this guy, but perhaps she is getting with new guy.

 

I don't know what my ex's boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend or whatever) is trying to prove. Why is he doing this to me? Is he trying to do some puffed chest BS? Is he curious as to whether I'm back with my ex? Is this his weird way of saying 'I'm sorry?' (Kid was a friend of mine before he started seeing my ex). Is she finally regretting (9 weeks after BU day) breaking up with me, and the guy has realized that he is just in a rebound relationship?

 

I have no clue. Honestly, I'm graduating soon, so I'm playing it off as nothing, and don't care TOO much about it. I just think it's weird and potentially VERY immature behavior if they are trying to rub this in.

 

I doubt that this is just happenstance. He (or they) are up to something. I'm curious, but don't want anymore 'weirdness.'

 

Thoughts?

Edited December 7, 2012 by lakerman34

[TaraMaiden]

"The person who cares the least, controls the most."

 

ignore it,, rise above it, don't respond, react or reply, don't justify, explain or clarify.

Silence will speak volumes.

Leave it, carry on.

 

In short - don't give a schytt.

 

Exes are exactly that. Exes - and no longer any concern of yours.

[lakerman34]

"The person who cares the least, controls the most."

 

ignore it,, rise above it, don't respond, react or reply, don't justify, explain or clarify.

Silence will speak volumes.

Leave it, carry on.

 

In short - don't give a schytt.

 

Exes are exactly that. Exes - and no longer any concern of yours.

 

Oh no, I don't give a shyt. But I'm curious at the same time. Screw my curiosity. Might kill this cat....

[GraceisGone]

I have to say, I envy you for the fact that you are graduating and get to get away from everything. I still have a year left to deal with this shyte, at the same university as my ex.

 

I wouldn't worry about this situation. It sounds like you have done a great job at getting over her and are ready to move on to a more exciting chapter of your life. I can't wait for that day to come for me.

[lakerman34]

I have to say, I envy you for the fact that you are graduating and get to get away from everything. I still have a year left to deal with this shyte, at the same university as my ex.

 

I wouldn't worry about this situation. It sounds like you have done a great job at getting over her and are ready to move on to a more exciting chapter of your life. I can't wait for that day to come for me.

 

It is fortunate. However, had I stayed (I'm graduating early), my ex and I probably would have stayed together. Me leaving early and her only being a sophomore is one of the main reasons why she left me. Really stupid, in my book, but she's young, wants to party, wants to try out a lot of guys, go for it. She'll realize what she lost by getting rid of me. I'm very confident, but I'm realistic. Everyone I talk to tells me I have the maturity of a 28 year old. I'm not a little college kid. I think she'll realize one day (if she hasn't already) that she had it GREAT with me. Treated her better than a queen, like a GODDESS.

[GraceisGone]

I agree with you about treating them like a goddess, I feel the same way and maybe one day they will realize what they are missing out on and hopefully by then, it won't even matter to us.

 

It's probably good that you're getting away now. What if you hadn't decided to leave early? Wouldn't the same problem still be there when you graduated in the spring and she would still have 2 years left?

Edited December 7, 2012 by GraceisGone

[lakerman34]

I agree with you about treating them like a goddess, I feel the same way and maybe one day they will realize and hopefully by then, it won't even matter to us.

 

It's probably good that you're getting away now. What if you hadn't decided to leave early? Wouldn't the same problem still be there when you graduated in the spring and she would still have 2 years left?

 

Yeah, definitely.

 

I think she wishes it all worked out. Thing is, had we rode out the entire semester together, we would probably have to end it right after, and I'd be going through the healing process during the holidays into January and my trip to South Africa. She can't do the long distance relationship. She's from Los Angeles, I'm from PA, and the summer was VERY hard on her. She told me, even when we were together, that 'LDR never works.' So, honestly, I don't really blame her for ending it, and I couldn't be 'just friends' for obvious reasons, it just KINDA sucks that it appears as if we aren't on the greatest terms. Breakup was VERY clean (ended with frozen yogurt and crying in each others' arms), but post-breakup got messy. Lots of talking, lots of gossip, lost of ugliness, and some game playing. It was bad. My faculty member friend thinks I should write her a letter for some closure (I did, it had no apologies, it didn't ask her for anything, it just simply said that it sucked that things had to end how they did, and maybe in a couple of years we can revisit, and I had no hard feelings), BUT once I saw her making out with a guy 10 feet in front of me, I tore that letter up. Felt very disrespected.

 

Just rehashing stories that I've told hundreds of times. I've already accepted it's over, and I'm over her. All relationships end ugly for me though, IDK why.

[GraceisGone]

Yeah, seems like most relationships end ugly for me as well. I didn't think this one would after the initial breakup, but after she came back to me and then left again, things were bound to get messy.

 

I think the LDR over the summer is what killed my relationship as well. Things were better than ever when we left school in the spring to go home for the summer. Then things started to get rocky about a month into the break and I couldn't figure out why. It seemed like she was always getting mad at me for really stupid stuff. I guess maybe the distance took a toll on me, because she said she felt like I missed her more than she missed me.

 

It's almost like we kind of reversed rolls, she used to be the one obsessed with me, then it became me who cared more for the relationship. It still doesn't seem right that she could "lose feelings for me" because I missed her too much over the summer.

 

I guess I will never be able to understand how the two of us could be so close right before summer and then be both go away for a couple of months and so much changed. The summer before this one, she was crying because she was going to miss me so much over the summer, and the same for Christmas break.

 

It really seems like she was chasing me at the beginning of our relationship and when she finally caught me, she got bored. I hear that so much, and it seems so shallow. Is that how I am to approach every relationship for the rest of my life? Am I going to get married and still feel like I am playing a game with my wife and making her chase me so that she doesn't lose attraction to me? It seems like a sick game sometimes.

[lakerman34]

Yeah, seems like most relationships end ugly for me as well. I didn't think this one would after the initial breakup, but after she came back to me and then left again, things were bound to get messy.

 

I think the LDR over the summer is what killed my relationship as well. Things were better than ever when we left school in the spring to go home for the summer. Then things started to get rocky about a month into the break and I couldn't figure out why. It seemed like she was always getting mad at me for really stupid stuff. I guess maybe the distance took a toll on me, because she said she felt like I missed her more than she missed me.

 

It's almost like we kind of reversed rolls, she used to be the one obsessed with me, then it became me who cared more for the relationship. It still doesn't seem right that she could "lose feelings for me" because I missed her too much over the summer.

 

I guess I will never be able to understand how the two of us could be so close right before summer and then be both go away for a couple of months and so much changed. The summer before this one, she was crying because she was going to miss me so much over the summer, and the same for Christmas break.

 

It really seems like she was chasing me at the beginning of our relationship and when she finally caught me, she got bored. I hear that so much, and it seems so shallow. Is that how I am to approach every relationship for the rest of my life? Am I going to get married and still feel like I am playing a game with my wife and making her chase me so that she doesn't lose attraction to me? It seems like a sick game sometimes.

 

This is crazy, b/c you and I have the SAME exact story.

 

My ex chased me in the beginning. Everything was great. She helped me move out, and she REALLY liked me. I went home (only 40 minute drive from school), and she wanted me to drive her to the airport a few days after. Then, we'd talk on the phone, Skype, and text ALLLLL day for about a month. Then, she called me at 4AM one summer morning to tell me she loved me (it was 1AM in LA and she was drunk with friends. I could hear them making fun of her in the background). She was telling them to 'shut up,' and she said 'this was stupid, I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have said anything, guys just run away.' I told her I didn't love her yet, but I was happy to hear that she had feelings for me, and nothing was going to change.

 

Then, I started to REALLY miss her. All conversations were initiated by me, we went days without talking, and it seemed we were growing distant.

 

School comes along, and we are still together, but things aren't the same. She wedged her sorority between myself and her, and we were growing apart. She was telling her friends that she wished I'd treat her like I used to when we got together at first. Now, I was always texting her, asking her to hangout, wanting to take her on dates, and she was always busy, rescheduling, or straight up bailing on me.

 

She kept telling me "I'm only 19" when we'd have relationship conversations. She took away sex. We went on a couple of breaks that only lasted a day or two. We tried taking away labels, but it didn't work out. I always amended the relationship so it could work for HER. She'd always tell me 'we want different things.' We told each other that 'no matter what happens between us, we still love each other.'

 

Then, one night, I accused her of cheating. She gave me 2 conflicting stories about where she went from 12AM-6AM on a Friday night. She insisted she didn't cheat, but to this day, I think my intuition was right.

 

About a week later, she dumped me. I was taking her back to my house for break, and she broke up with me in the car. She met my ENTIRE family, ate my food, we walked to my neighborhood park, and she said she thought it was for the best we ended it. She didn't want to, but she said she had way too much on her mind (mom just had a surgery they coulnd't afford, she needed to keep her grades up or lose scholarship, she was missing her family like crazy, she worked while going to school, and now she was part of sorority), and I had to wipe her tears away. I drove her back to school, we had frozen yogurt, and I dropped her back in her room. After a long hug where we both were crying and she buried her head in my chest, I left and that was the last contact I had with her.

 

For a while, her friends insisted she still loved me and I had to go talk to her because she wanted to be with me, but I told them if she REALLY liked me, she'd get over that Latina pride and come talk to ME. It never happened. 18 days after BU, she was making out with a guy 10 feet in front of me and told mutual friends 'I don't know why he can't just get over me.' I tripled up NC and avoiding her. Since I've seen her with that guy, it's been about 8 weeks, and I'm over her, but some feelings of 'what if' still linger.

[Chi townD]

Personally, I think your orginal post was confusing as hell and I still don't have an idea of what you were trying to say. That being said, If your life is that confusing I think it would be best to ignore everyone and focus on graduating and getting the hell out of there.

[jwhite]

Lakerman32:

 

I think that the reason he sat behind you is because he IS who you were when she left you. He is feeling crappy and needs someone to talk to about her. He is just too afraid to initiate the convo with you and he wants you to talk to him first. I would talk to him and try to console him. It may help you both.

 

On a side note, I think it would kill her to know that the two of you are "friends".

[lakerman34]

Lakerman32:

 

I think that the reason he sat behind you is because he IS who you were when she left you. He is feeling crappy and needs someone to talk to about her. He is just too afraid to initiate the convo with you and he wants you to talk to him first. I would talk to him and try to console him. It may help you both.

 

On a side note, I think it would kill her to know that the two of you are "friends".

 

I won't assume that. What if I were wrong and they were happy together? It wouldn't look very good for me if I spoke to him and they were together.

 

And no thanks on the friends. I'm over her. He was on my hit list for a while. If he wants consoling, he isn't getting it from me. And if she called me saying she was sorry or w/e, I'll be honest. I'm apathetic and genuinely don't care. My best friends are all so happy I'm done with her b/c, in the words of my roommate "I have no problem shytting on her b/c I know you are the shyt and she sucks. You are a good looking dude and you're extremely interesting. You dated down, man, she was boring as hell and nowhere as beautiful as you." It helps that my roommate is a real dude that wouldn't just talk to make me feel better. I'm sure he meant that.

 

I'm going to go with the 'don't worry about it' approach. If anybody has something to say to me, they can grow a pair and say it. Otherwise, I got big things going on in my life, and I'm focused on those things, not girls, and most DEFINITELY not my ex.

[jwhite]

Pretty sweet comment your roomate said. I would take that and run with it.

[lakerman34]

Well, turns out that he left her for another girl. What I've heard is she never made it to her sorority formal. She was going to take him, but he bailed at the last moment.

 

She still went to his fraternity formal, but not with him. She went with a guy who couldn't find a date at the last minute.

 

Maybe it's twisted, but I love that karma is finally running its course, and I hope it has more up its sleeve.

 

Today I saw her in the Student Center, we met eyes for a split second and then both looked away. I think her regret is kicking in, but her pride is keeping her away from being the begging 'I made a huge mistake' dumper.

 

A couple of days ago, I unintentionally chilled with her roommate (walked in on them chilling with her). When she left, she told my friend that she thought it was 'incredibly awkward,' and how 'yeah, I mean, considering is graduating in, like, a week and he's not in Greek life so he doesn't know how the system works, it just didn't work out.' My friend told me she was ready to spill out more information, but my friend had to leave.

 

I told him (and I meant it), 'even if you got more info, I don't wanna know about it.' He thought that was completely badass of me

 

I would definitely consider leaving this school and being on good terms with her (i.e. 'break' NC just to tell her that I have no hard feelings, leave it at that. I have no more feelings for her, and am at the point that I'd want to be her friend).

 

BUT, I'm a guy that's ALL about respect. She disrespected me, so if in her hardhead she thinks I hate her, then so be it. Not the case, but she can believe whatever the hell she wants to believe. If she wants closure, she can grow a pair and contact me. I'll see if I feel like responding to her or not.