mlpony Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 ok, I met a guy who I like pretty well. We have great sex and great conversation. It's all good. He's had a couple of bad hits in the past five years (unemployment, injury, divorce), things that really messed up his confidence I think. He told me he does not want to commit, so I figured he had other women and I asked if he did. He said "not too many" (in a text - DOH!). I like him so decided just to stick around and be FWB on his terms. I made plans with another guy though. Anyway, then we got together and he tells me he does not see other women, he was "just kidding" in that text and I am the only one he's sleeping with. But he still can't commit because of his financial situation. So anyway, it sort of sounds like his non-commitment is because he's trying to get his life back in order, which I know he is, rather than because he's still playing the field. But I'm not one to press heavy conversations so I don't know this for sure. Anyway, this could be a great relationship if all the stars and planets lined up. I'm wondering if I should focus my energy here, believe that I am the only one he's seeing and not see others myself, or play the field? I'll take door #1! Also if he were still looking, why did he tell me that I am the only one he's seeing? And why did his story change? So much for the theory of "taking a guy exactly for his word"!! happy Friday, everyone!!!
Author mlpony Posted December 7, 2012 Author Posted December 7, 2012 Thanks, but his "bad hits" aren't anything dealbreaking, like a criminal record. Just normal bad luck things that could happen to anyone, like losing a job and having to get re-established.
carhill Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 What does his financial situation have to do with an exclusive monogamous interpersonal situation? Nothing. He can pull his penis out while struggling financially, right? Interesting how that works. Sometimes, accepting the real is healthy. A guy you're having sex with answers a question about other women as 'not too many'. Why would someone who cares about you even kid/joke about that? Answer? 1
Author mlpony Posted December 7, 2012 Author Posted December 7, 2012 Thinking back to his reply and my question about other women, I think he was just kidding. We women always claim to know how men think, but you can never really get into another person's brain. I'm going to take him at his word. Anyway if all I am is a sex toy for now, I'm fine with that too....
carhill Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 Here's the most common lines I've heard from manipulators over the decades: 'I was just kidding' 'You must've misunderstood' Yeah, they're beautiful and charming. Good luck. 1
veggirl Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 Do you want committment? How long are you willing to give this guy? How long does he need? Let me guess, he needs indefinitely. Tell him to call you when he has his s.hit in order and is ready and able to commit. You'll either never hear from him again, or he'll try to hit you up for sex still. Are you a burden on his life, you will add stress to it if he commits to you? That's basically what he is telling you. Ouch. Oh yes, "Well I'm only fking a few other women" what a hilarious joke! What a funny jokester. Gimme a break 1
Author mlpony Posted December 7, 2012 Author Posted December 7, 2012 I'm sorry to keep replying back, but this is interesting! I think there are a lot of levels on which you can love someone. Sometimes it is just sex, and if that is good, then it's worth something. Commitment is always the goal. All the songs tell us that. But I think people do it for no other reason than social pressure. If you are not 100% into someone then saying you are committed to them sort of cheapens the whole idea of commitment. There are other ways to be in each others lives. I guess I answered my own question!!
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 What does his financial situation have to do with an exclusive monogamous interpersonal situation? Nothing. He can pull his penis out while struggling financially, right? Interesting how that works. Sometimes, accepting the real is healthy. A guy you're having sex with answers a question about other women as 'not too many'. Why would someone who cares about you even kid/joke about that? Answer? Sufficiently solvent to sleep with you and potentially any other woman that might wander across his path...but way too broke to sleep with only you or to even tell you when that type of "commitment" might happen! Bet that "broke" excuse comes in really handy when you want to do anything date-like too. Come on OP! Go back and re-read what you wrote. The excuses you're making for this guy are ridiculous. He has no respect for you. Don't you deserve better than this?
truth_seeker Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 ok, I met a guy who I like pretty well. We have great sex and great conversation. It's all good. He's had a couple of bad hits in the past five years (unemployment, injury, divorce), things that really messed up his confidence I think. He told me he does not want to commit, so I figured he had other women and I asked if he did. He said "not too many" (in a text - DOH!). I like him so decided just to stick around and be FWB on his terms. I made plans with another guy though. Anyway, then we got together and he tells me he does not see other women, he was "just kidding" in that text and I am the only one he's sleeping with. But he still can't commit because of his financial situation. So anyway, it sort of sounds like his non-commitment is because he's trying to get his life back in order, which I know he is, rather than because he's still playing the field. But I'm not one to press heavy conversations so I don't know this for sure. Anyway, this could be a great relationship if all the stars and planets lined up. I'm wondering if I should focus my energy here, believe that I am the only one he's seeing and not see others myself, or play the field? I'll take door #1! Also if he were still looking, why did he tell me that I am the only one he's seeing? And why did his story change? So much for the theory of "taking a guy exactly for his word"!! happy Friday, everyone!!! Plain and simple: you deserve to get used and abused if you continue with this guy. He has no love for you. He just wants the sex, and once he gets bored, he's kicking you to the curb. You're a sucker to believe you could have a great relationship with this player.
mtber75 Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 What does his financial situation have to do with an exclusive monogamous interpersonal situation? Nothing. He can pull his penis out while struggling financially, right? Interesting how that works. Sometimes, accepting the real is healthy. A guy you're having sex with answers a question about other women as 'not too many'. Why would someone who cares about you even kid/joke about that? Answer? Yes, for a lot of guys financial situation do play a part in long term relationship. If a guy can't provide or contribute financially in a relationship he losses a lot of manly self worth! Even for women, I heard a interview about relationship where one woman said that if the guy makes less money than her or even equal as her than WHY would I bother dating him? If he was hurt in past relationships when he would be hesitant in committing to another one. So I think OP got the right idea, as long as you are both fine with it, just ride with the flow!
DC4 Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 If he says he can't or won't commit go ahead and assume the worst and act accordingly. I am 99.9% certain a guy I really like isn't seeing anyone and won't be, but he said the magic phrase "it's casual." I know he's got a lot going on with kids and a very demanding job, but that doesn't mean we can't be exclusive. I assume he's got 100 girlfriends and whenever he's not with me he's on some fabulous date. That keeps "casual" and "can't/won't commit" in perspective for me. I don't want to get attached to this guy soooooo I keep it casual by dating someone else.
veggirl Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 Yes, for a lot of guys financial situation do play a part in long term relationship. If a guy can't provide or contribute financially in a relationship he losses a lot of manly self worth! Even for women, I heard a interview about relationship where one woman said that if the guy makes less money than her or even equal as her than WHY would I bother dating him? If he was hurt in past relationships when he would be hesitant in committing to another one. So I think OP got the right idea, as long as you are both fine with it, just ride with the flow! Oh pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease. Who HASN'T been hurt in past relationships? What a cop-out. If you are still stung that bad, you shouldn't be dating at ALL. So he is too broke to say "I will commit to sex with only you, dating only you" but not too broke to say "I can sleep with lots of girls" Weird. 1
jcrew11 Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 ok, I met a guy who I like pretty well. We have great sex and great conversation. It's all good. He's had a couple of bad hits in the past five years (unemployment, injury, divorce), things that really messed up his confidence I think. He told me he does not want to commit, so I figured he had other women and I asked if he did. He said "not too many" (in a text - DOH!). I like him so decided just to stick around and be FWB on his terms. I made plans with another guy though. Anyway, then we got together and he tells me he does not see other women, he was "just kidding" in that text and I am the only one he's sleeping with. But he still can't commit because of his financial situation. So anyway, it sort of sounds like his non-commitment is because he's trying to get his life back in order, which I know he is, rather than because he's still playing the field. But I'm not one to press heavy conversations so I don't know this for sure. Anyway, this could be a great relationship if all the stars and planets lined up. I'm wondering if I should focus my energy here, believe that I am the only one he's seeing and not see others myself, or play the field? I'll take door #1! Also if he were still looking, why did he tell me that I am the only one he's seeing? And why did his story change? So much for the theory of "taking a guy exactly for his word"!! happy Friday, everyone!!! How long have you been seeing this guy? You don't need to rush into committment so soon. Give him at least 3 months to figure things out and try to improve his life. You're just going to put more pressure on him if he has to keep a girlfriend happy all the time.
Author mlpony Posted December 7, 2012 Author Posted December 7, 2012 How long have you been seeing this guy? You don't need to rush into committment so soon. Give him at least 3 months to figure things out and try to improve his life. You're just going to put more pressure on him if he has to keep a girlfriend happy all the time. Not long...just about a month. And I didn't even use the word "commit". Those were his words...in fact he volunteered that he didn't want to commit. I didn't even ask him about that! I was just trying to find out if he was having sex with a lot of other women, but I suppose this is a futile thing to try to figure out from a guy lol.
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