Love v In love with

[waterwoman]

ILBNILWY seems to be a perennial favourite abbreviation on LS.

 

I don't really understand it to be honest. I don't see it as an opposition.

Perhaps it depends on what you think of as being in love. When I've been in love, ti's been wonderful and exciting, heady, but also over the top, exhausting, all consuming. Not a way to live your life on an everyday basis.

 

If anyone asked me if I was in love with H, I'd just look at them like they were crazy! How could I feel like I describe in the paragraph above everyday, constantly for nearly over 20 years? I'd be dead with heart failure. If they asked me if I loved him, I'd say yes, without a doubt. Sometimes he does things that I don't like all that much but I always always love him.

 

The love I feel comes from all the things we have done together, the things he has done for me, and for other people I care for, his funny little habits, his gentleness with children other people have written off, his sense of humour, his absurd habit of yelling at the TV when it annoys him, the fact that he still fancies the pants off me after all this time, his reliability, his loyalty (recent brief to-do not withstanding!), how he hates to let anyone down. And from time to time when he does or say something particular I fall in love with him again, just for a while and that heady feeling comes back.

 

I don't understand what ILYBINILWY actually means in practice. Does it actually mean, I love you but I happen to have fallen in love with someone else and that is more important right now?

[BetrayedH]

ILYBIMNILWY stands for, You Don't **** Me As Well As The Other Person.

[TaraMaiden]

I love you, like a puppy, not like a sex partner. You're a great person to have as a buddy, but - spend the rest of my life with you? Nah. It's not going to happen, my heart's not in it. We can go to a football game/shopping together though. That'd be cool.......Just don't expect cream 'n' sprinklin's on your hot chocolate......

[96nole]

It means:

I would rather be banging someone else right now. They said some pretty words to me and I want to see how that goes.

[cocorico]

ILY is for your kids, your family, your friends. IILWY is for your partner, or if you're a kid, your crush. Hopefully your partner is also a friend so gets both ILY and IILWY.

[buckeyeblue]

I never got the ILYBINILWY speech. Interestingly, his AP got that speech from him. So, yes, TaraMaiden, she was just like a puppy to him, one he did not want to spend his life with, despite him feeding her the ILY that she wanted to hear, despite there being nothing to keep him from her (I already left him, have my own great job, and our children are older). Him spending the rest of his life with her.........nah, it's not going to happen.

[Summer Breeze]

I never got the ILYBINILWY speech. Interestingly, his AP got that speech from him. So, yes, TaraMaiden, she was just like a puppy to him, one he did not want to spend his life with, despite him feeding her the ILY that she wanted to hear, despite there being nothing to keep him from her (I already left him, have my own great job, and our children are older). Him spending the rest of his life with her.........nah, it's not going to happen.

 

I'd say you're both equally lucky to not have him in your lives anymore.

 

OP I think the group to answer this question is actually WS. They're the ones tossing it around like chickenfeed and if they're using the terms they should have some idea of what they mean. I actually agree most with Cocorico. Friends and family get ILY and the love you have for the friends and family varies to the level of closeness. SOs get the IILWY and a whole lot of ILY to go with it.

[carhill]

I don't understand what ILYBINILWY actually means in practice. Does it actually mean, I love you but I happen to have fallen in love with someone else and that is more important right now?

 

I'm with you, regarding being unclear on how those feelings work. At a point prior to departing from my marital vows, my love (actions and feelings) had greatly diminished and I told my now exW that, and specifically why. I recall using the phrase 'my love bank is empty'. I couldn't imagine loving a spouse and falling in love with another person, much less having intimate sexual relations with two different people. I guess everyone's psyche is different and these forums certainly prove that out. It's been interesting reading about the differences over the years, and a great education.

[waterwoman]

I guess everyone's psyche is different and these forums certainly prove that out. It's been interesting reading about the differences over the years, and a great education.

 

Agree 100%. It's been an education for sure.

[Furious]

If the ILBNILWY is not followed by a separation agreement, it simply means cake tastes yummy.:

[seren]

I am a hopeless romantic, not in a vapors and lace way, more a, if I love you, then I will have your back, fight the dragons and love you with all that I have. I am in love and I love my H. It is not just the familiar, ah there you are feeling, it is the looking at him asleep on the sofa with his little Buddha belly, grey hair and seeing the man I met for the first time and knowing that this is exactly where I want and am meant to be, he makes me smile and still makes my heart do flip flops. I like him and love him as a friend, but I am in love with him and even typing this and knowing he will be home in an hour or two, I smile to think of him. If there is a difference between the two sayings, then I don't know if I am experiencing one or the other.

 

Had H left after his A, or more precisely if I felt we couldn't work it out and he hadn't tried so hard, then I would always love him and a part of me would always have been in love with him.