Jump to content

How to tactfully tell a friend that I'm not intrested in dating her.

MercuryMorrison1

By MercuryMorrison1
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

MercuryMorrison1 Established Member

MercuryMorrison1

Posted
Posted (edited)

So I've got a little delimma here.

 

I've got a friend, whom I've never been really close with...Our relationship only progressed slightly past the aquantice stage.

 

However I was hanging out with her and some other friend's recently and I could tell she was visibly not having a good day...I won't go into detail about her personal issue. But what wound up happening was I showed her some compassion, nothing extreme mind you...I simply told her that I was really sorry she was feeling so bad and gave her a good hug, I continued to be as understanding and compassionate as possible for the rest of the evening.

 

Fast forward a few days...She texts me and explains that she got my number from one of our mutual friends, which I don't really care...Its not a big deal...But over the course of just a couple of days she progressed to the point where she's now calling me ''babe'' and ''hun'' and she's even started telling me in a non-chalont kind of way that she loves me. She blows up my phone daily now with texts...I've litterally got over 600 text message's in my phone right now from her alone...And this is over the course of less than a week.

 

The sad thing in all of this is that I feel no attraction to her whatsoever. I just want to be friends with her...She's a sweet girl, but her and I have differing personality's and I just don't have those feelings for her.

 

Simply put...Does anyone have any suggjestions about how I can tactfully let her down without hurting her? I need to let her know soon as I don't want to be accused of stringing her along.

Edited by MercuryMorrison1
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

"I'm bored.... let's go out tonight to find you a guy to date!!"

 

:D

 

Seriously?

Either take it upon yourself ("It's not you it's me", kinda thing....) or just say that you like her enormously, but you're not 'feeling it'.....

 

Or get a mutual acquaintance to tell her "in confidence" that "Jeesh, MM1 feels really bad.... he feels awful because he says that he likes you a whole lot, but it's not buzzin' for him....."

Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted

You have engaged in conversation via 600 texts?

 

I would have stopped responding a long time ago. She would get the hint.

  • Like 6
ascendotum Established Member

ascendotum

Posted
Posted

I've litterally got over 600 text message's in my phone right now from her alone

When you say literally you don't actually mean that do you.... 600???

 

She's in for some disappointment isn't she then. Shame she leached on to the hug & compassion so much. She's only got herself to blame for the plunge in emotions she is heading for. The last time this happened to me the woman (co-worker) went all aloof & avoided me after I told her I saw her more as a friend, which was a shame, and she had not jumped to conclusions that we were an item like this girl. It makes it tricky, to get a good outcome here I reckon.

 

Can you get one of your other mutual friends to have a word in her ear on your behalf...If you don't mind your image with her, maybe he/she can tell this girl on the quite that you are a bit of a pump & dump merchant when it comes to girls or that you cheat on your gfs or you are currently in a fwb on the quiet..that might put her off.

OR ..what about just be upfront with her and give her the ol, look I like you and you are a really sweet girl but I see you more as a friend than a gf...just not the feeling the butterflies. She will feel lousy, but we've all been there.

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted

tell her you like her as a friend and that you have strong feelings for someone else.you appreciate her friendship and hope that she understands......(dont say right now you have strong feelings )and that you are sorry because you arent sorry ....right now means that you are thinking in the moment...leaving it open includes then, the future.

 

 

It may not change her feelings if they are strong but she will at least try to maintain the friendship or she may not.and work her way to moving on from those feelings she has...maybe the texts will stop, do not answer the texts..ignoring them is an obvious i am not interested.....from someone such as you as you are probably nto a pua....

 

.people deal with rejection in different ways....and when a person gets rejected doesn tnecessarily mean those feelings turn to spite or hate they may stay the same until she works through them......harassment of over 600 texts though is awkward..it si goign to make her feel ashamed adn possibly highly embarrassed..i would be pretty firm......in my opinion this is a kind way coupled with that compassion and respect you have....it isnt your fault you are not attracted to her and harrassment or making you feel bad is her not respecting you as a compassionate person....it is quite easy to mistake compassion for interest but she may have had feelings for you before that...you just dotn know...i wish you the best and hoep she takes it well and respectfully..tell her as soon as you can...deb

Leegh Established Member

Leegh

Posted
Posted

I would tell her that you have a girlfriend. I realize you were never leading her on, but a "white lie" can be OK to spare someone's feelings. Basically, it's best to make it clear, so that she feels there is no chance with you. There's a saying "You've got to be cruel to be kind". If you end things with her, then she (and you) are free to find other people where there may be potential.

Million.to.1 Established Member

Million.to.1

Posted
Posted
I would tell her that you have a girlfriend. I realize you were never leading her on, but a "white lie" can be OK to spare someone's feelings. Basically, it's best to make it clear, so that she feels there is no chance with you. There's a saying "You've got to be cruel to be kind". If you end things with her, then she (and you) are free to find other people where there may be potential.

 

Don't do that. She'll find out from mutual friends or Fb or whatever that its a lie.

 

Why have you participated in this ridiculous amount of communication with her?

You have let it progress too... I don't understand why you didn't stop replying at some point or make an obvious point at some stage that you weren't a prospect for her. You could of done that in numerous ways subtly and have spared her feelings long before it progressed to this.

  • Like 1
phineas Established Member

phineas

Posted
Posted

Ask her if she's into Anal,likes toys & swallows.

serious.

 

If she doesn't run away you are at least in for some kinky-sex.:laugh:

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
How to tactfully tell a friend that I'm not intrested in dating her.

 

'You're a wonderful person but I don't feel that way about you'

  • Like 1
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted
Ask her if she's into Anal,likes toys & swallows.

serious.

 

If she doesn't run away you are at least in for some kinky-sex.:laugh:

 

I would be impressed if a guy asked me that lol

  • Like 1
  • Author
MercuryMorrison1 Established Member

MercuryMorrison1

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Don't do that. She'll find out from mutual friends or Fb or whatever that its a lie.

 

Why have you participated in this ridiculous amount of communication with her?

You have let it progress too... I don't understand why you didn't stop replying at some point or make an obvious point at some stage that you weren't a prospect for her. You could of done that in numerous ways subtly and have spared her feelings long before it progressed to this.

 

 

Well for the record...I did stop replying to her texts, Long ago actually, maybe 200 texts ago or so...But she STILL texts me everyday, It starts off as a simple...How's your day going? Or somthing similer...Even if I don't respond to that, she continues to text me, I don't know if she hopes that I will eventually text her back or what.

 

Regaurdless of it all...I've already put her on ignore. I don't have time to deal the constant buzzing of my phone when I'm at work.

 

Guess I'll just meet her for drinks this weekend and tell her whats up.

rn0408 Established Member

rn0408

Posted
Posted
Well for the record...I did stop replying to her texts, Long ago actually, maybe 200 texts ago or so...But she STILL texts me everyday, It starts off as a simple...How's your day going? Or somthing similer...Even if I don't respond to that, she continues to text me, I don't know if she hopes that I will eventually text her back or what.

 

Regaurdless of it all...I've already put her on ignore. I don't have time to deal the constant buzzing of my phone when I'm at work.

 

Guess I'll just meet her for drinks this weekend and tell her whats up.

 

I have too many crazies and clingers chase me for having a conversation and them being lead on..their problem not yours. I had a girl VOIP call me thats in my class and get mad when I said I wasn't looking for anything and yell over the phone..now shes putting moves on me all the time and I don't care..crazies can't handle rejection and they chase more.

 

Call her and tell her what she is doing is unhealthy. I see nothing wrong with being there for support and helping her out like you stated when she needed somebody to talk to. If you really want to send a message..when you're out as friends, check out a girl and say "man shes hot and caught my eye."

 

 

 

If you slept with her or made out..your problem kiddo.

  • Like 1
CptObvious Established Member

CptObvious

Posted
Posted

Bro, just get fat. Cancel your gym membership and sit on the couch all day. Eat nothing but oreos and tv dinners... that'll turn her off. Not a word needs to be said.

  • Like 1
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted
Well for the record...I did stop replying to her texts, Long ago actually, maybe 200 texts ago or so...But she STILL texts me everyday, It starts off as a simple...How's your day going? Or somthing similer...Even if I don't respond to that, she continues to text me, I don't know if she hopes that I will eventually text her back or what.

 

Regaurdless of it all...I've already put her on ignore. I don't have time to deal the constant buzzing of my phone when I'm at work.

 

Guess I'll just meet her for drinks this weekend and tell her whats up.

 

No, don't.

Don't talk to her, meet her, re-connect with her, discuss it, chat about it or say anything.

Drop her like a brick and fall off her radar.

She WILL get it - eventually. But if you feed this by seeing her - back to square one fellah.....

phineas Established Member

phineas

Posted
Posted
I would be impressed if a guy asked me that lol

 

Funny you mention that, but I will ask a woman these questions after i've known her for a bit and see things going in the right direction and those women who are adventuresome are happy to hear i'm not a prude either because I guess there are guys out there who don't even do oral?!?!:eek:

pbjbear Established Member

pbjbear

Posted
Posted

Im an advocate of honesty.

 

Dont use the "its not you its me" because you very well know it IS her.

 

Just say you dont like her more than a friend. Which is the truth

lovebug1234 Established Member

lovebug1234

Posted
Posted

if you can't pull yourself together to just tell her.

" I want to be just friends" then

express interest in other women and talk to her about. do you not like other girls?

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
Posted

Sheesh, all you have to do is hug a girl that looks like she's having a bad day and then she falls in love with you?

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...