Mycteria Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 I'm dating around a lot right now and I know it's just a matter of time before I meet someone that I could see myself with long term. However, I have one issue at the back of my mind that is holding me back. For some reason, I always imagined that I'd marry someone in my career field. I'm a biology major and when I graduate I'll be a research biologist. I wanted to marry someone in my field because my career is SUCH a huge part of my life that it kind of overtakes other parts of my life too. I just think it would be nice to have my passion in common with my partner. Granted, I'm interested in tons of other things that I plan on sharing with my partner so it's not as if this is my only interest. I guess I'm worried that if I end up marrying someone not in my field, then one day I'll meet someone in my field that I'm actually attracted to (the odds are incredibly high against this, but what if it happens?) I'm so paranoid about it because I feel like that might be the one situation where I might actually cheat. I don't think I would, but who knows. Is this a stupid fear? I mean if I meet someone who is great for me in every way but who has a different profession, it would be stupid to pass them up. Right?
hinatticus Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 Let go of that fear. If you truly love someone it doesn't matter what they do for a living. You will love someone based on who they are, not what they do.
Els Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 I honestly think that when you meet the right person, it won't matter to you that they're not working in your field despite all of what you have stated above. Career is actually a very fluid thing, like dress style and weight, and people often change careers in the course of a lifetime. That being said, if you meet someone and feel lack of attraction and interest in him because he isn't in your field, then that probably is not the right person. You can't force attraction, and you shouldn't be with that person.
Mint Sauce Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 I can confirm that it is great to be in a ltr with someone in your own research field: conferences together, discussing work (which you enjoy!) over dinner,... I fell for her at work, while being in a relationship with someone outside my field, so yes, that risk is real. However, that relationship didn't last either, and to be honest, I ignored red flags just because it was so nice to be with someone in my field. If you're in a relatively small field such as biology, you are severely restricting your pool by wishing for someone from within your field. Chances are high you'll have to compromise on other levels. I won't do that anymore. I'd rather have someone very compatible outside my field, but of course still with a sufficient intellectual interest to allow meaningful conversations about work.
Pasttense Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 There is some chance this will happen in graduate school--since many of the men you will be around will be other graduate students in biology. But remember that chances that the two of you could both get jobs in the same institution is quite remote. Or even in the same city. Careerwise the best solution for you is to find someone in a profession for which there are jobs everywhere--for example the health professions--since they can relocate anywhere. I am also a bit puzzled by you talking about biology. Almost no one is a generalist in biology (except maybe high school teachers); virtually everyone has a specialty. And the people studying ecology have little in common with people studying biophysics--yet they are both biologists. 1
jcrew11 Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 I'm dating around a lot right now and I know it's just a matter of time before I meet someone that I could see myself with long term. However, I have one issue at the back of my mind that is holding me back. For some reason, I always imagined that I'd marry someone in my career field. I'm a biology major and when I graduate I'll be a research biologist. I wanted to marry someone in my field because my career is SUCH a huge part of my life that it kind of overtakes other parts of my life too. I just think it would be nice to have my passion in common with my partner. Granted, I'm interested in tons of other things that I plan on sharing with my partner so it's not as if this is my only interest. I guess I'm worried that if I end up marrying someone not in my field, then one day I'll meet someone in my field that I'm actually attracted to (the odds are incredibly high against this, but what if it happens?) I'm so paranoid about it because I feel like that might be the one situation where I might actually cheat. I don't think I would, but who knows. Is this a stupid fear? I mean if I meet someone who is great for me in every way but who has a different profession, it would be stupid to pass them up. Right? Just don't get married yet, so you can break it off later when you find Mr Perfect. Divorces are also possible, and a lot of people divorce and date their secretaries.
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