Roller coaster of Emotion

[GraceisGone]

I've been so up and down here the past couple of days. For a while, I was feeling much better and think things would be looking up. These past couple of days, I've been down in the dumps again.

 

I guess I'm just having a hard time figuring out what all just happened. I know worrying about it won't help change the past, but the thoughts won't get out of my mind.

 

I'm having trouble understanding why she broke up with me and didn't talk to me for months.

 

Then all of a sudden, she misses me, and talks to me everyday like old times. We hang out again, and talk all the time, everyday, for weeks, just like we used to. It's not like I was contacting her everyday, it was her that would contact me, everyday.

 

Then it stopped, she no longer talked to me. It was gradual, but eventually, I could tell something was up. Then, she finally told me she had moved on and didn't think we should talk anymore. I wasn't very happy with this, I had expressed my concerns about us reconnecting as a way to help her move on, because I knew if that happened, I would be stepping 10 steps backwards. Well that is exactly what happened.

 

I've accepted the fact that I need to move on and despite this very, very major setback, I think I'm in a better place than I was right after the breakup.

 

But what happened? It's like there was a switch that was turned off when she broke up with me, then turned back on when she wanted everything to do with me again, then turned back off and she doesn't want to talk to me. I just don't understand how things went back to the way they were when we were dating for a couple of months, then back to not having anything to do with each other.

 

I almost feel like the couple of months that we reconnected, I was taking a test, a test that I obviously failed. It doesn't seem fair that I had to suffer this major setback, just so she could test out her feelings one last time, then take a final bow, and leave me in a worse place. I guess that's life, but it's just hard to see where to go from here.

[Renard99]

I hate to say it but she was probably keeping you on a back burner, either because she felt guilty for leaving you, or, she was persuing other interests and just keeping you as a back up incase they didn't work out.

 

It's a horrible thing to do but I've seen it many times before. My ex was full of guilt for leaving me and causing me to be so much of a mess. She tried contacting me a few times in order to be friends (which I turned down) but the time that these messages stopped was the exact same time that (I heard from mutual friends) she got a new boyfriend.

 

It's awful, but she was thinking solely of herself there. You're better off without her.

[TaraMaiden]

OP, please read "The All-New Caliguy No Contact Guide" in my signature. Everything you'll ever need to know, is in there.

[GraceisGone]

Yea I guess what you guys are saying has some merit. It just really confuses me how sudden things changed (we weren't talking, then were talking and pretty much back together, now back to not talking).

 

I guess another thing that really bothers me is the fact that everything seemed to be my fault. Apparently I was trying to make her feel "guilty" after we reconnected. I don't really know how I came across to her like that, but it really just seems like she was trying to find an excuse to make it look like my fault.

 

I guess it's impossible to know what really happened, it just sucks to face the fact that this girl that means so much to me, now has to be erased from my life forever. I guess I'm just someone that really valued getting that close to someone and see it as such a far impossibility for it to happen again.

 

I think part of the reason I got dumped is because I got in too deep and started caring TOO MUCH. I guess maybe in the future I need to become more independent and self-reliant and find a way to balance that with my need to care for someone.