i stole this....

[frozensprouts]

there is a thread going in the other man/woman section where the OP ask members to post as if they were addressing their affair partner's spouse. I hope the OP from that thread doesn't mind if i co-opt (steal) her idea, as it seems like good way to let out some feelings...

 

for this side, if you are the betrayed spouse or wayward spouse, what would you like to say to your husband or wife who cheated, or to the other man/woman?

 

( please note that this thread isn't intended to become a debate over he validity of someone's feelings....if a poster responds, it's how they feel, and whether or not you agree could maybe good fodder for a new thread:))

 

> for my husband, you hurt me, but you worked really hard to make things better and I respect and appreciate that. I know you must love me, as getting to where you are now was really hard, but you did it anyway. I love you too, but if you ever cheat on me again, I will kick your @ss ( and I don't mean "donkey")

 

> for "the other woman"...get help now...don't wait, and in the meantime, stop having affairs with married guys. no matter what i may think of you as a person, you are a human being who i suspect is hurting...i don't want you to hurt...and if you ever come near me or my children again, I will kick your @ss ( and, once again, I don't mean "donkey")

 

[seren]

For H, it would be please stop beating yourself up about the A, it was what it was and it has been over and done for a long time. I have forgiven you, I understand the why's, I don't forget, but I also don't forget how dammed good we are together. Time to accept that you acted against the 'you' that you value and put it in a box marked 'huge mistake' and file it.

I also would say to H, I am so dammed proud of us, of the relationship we have, of weathering the crappiest times and not just the A, but everything else. I am proud of the man you are and I am still in love with you, always have been, always will, that you feel the same is just so dammed wonderful, long may we continue. Like FS, there will never be a second chance if it happened again, my heart couldn't bear it and IF you were that unhappy and wanted another, leave me first, talk to me, never, ever squander the gift I give you of my trust and love and I will reciprocate.

 

To the OW, get over it, 5 yrs and you are still ringing me and doing hang ups', enough already. I hear you have had numerous other A's, for the love of God, leave your H, he is toxic. Stop trying to get the happiness you want and need by having A's and one night stands, it's destructive.

We would or could never have been friends, A or not, we are too different and frankly, I don't like you, but I wish you peace, I wish you would stop this middle aged woman trying to recapture her glory years stuff by having sex with younger men, your sons know, hell everyone knows and it doesn't do you or them any favours. Again, I wish you peace and hope you find value in you because of you and not because of who you can have sex with.

 

For us all, whoever, I hope we learn to value love and to understand that everyone and anyone should be afforded truth to make informed choices. Stop enabling, make rules, still married, either sort it or leave, in an A, ask yourself if this is what you would wish for you, or your sons', daughter, friends and if not, please afford others that value and autonomy.

[waterwoman]

I'd just like to ask OW why? What did she think was going to happen? He told you he wasn't leaving me for you right at the start which is what finally pushed you to 'end' it. So why not end it before it even started. Such mess and pain for nothing. Why?

[CantgetoveritNY]

there is a thread going in the other man/woman section where the OP ask members to post as if they were addressing their affair partner's spouse.

 

Can you send a link to that or tell us the title?

[ComingInHot]

cantgetoverit;

It's actually my thread I started in the OW section, "I'm your MM's wife".

It is not meant as grounds to fuel the debate on right or wrong or cause further hurt. My experience lead me to think that there is a lot that the OW/OM wants to say to the BS but doesn't get an opportunity w/out severe backlash. Maybe that's why my husband's exOW harassed & staljed me for so long after.

And I thought it would be a good opportunity for us BS's to get a glimpse into the hearts and minds of different OW/OM's. Either see they are just as capable of empathy, remorse or the extent of how much they feel for another person's spouse...

[Summer Breeze]

What I did say to my xH many years ago right before I left him. I never thought you were a cruel man. I never thought you were weak. I trusted every smile, every hug, and every I love you. I trusted you and you've broken that. You don't deserve us and even though I don't wish you any harm I don't wish you anything good. If you ever, ever hurt our daughter like you hurt me I will kill you.

 

What I'd like to say to him now. It wasn't easy but I forgave you. I'm happy good things did happen to you. I have a bond with my D now that was forged in the hurt you created and I thank you for that. THAT made the pain more than worth it. I hope you still feel guilty sometimes. Probably this will surprise you as much as it does me but I'm sorry. I know I created parts of our M that weren't easy on you and that was mostly due to my immaturity and ignorance of some situations. I wonder what we could have been together sometimes. You stole that from me and part of me hates you for that. I still love you. I'm not in love with you but I love you. You gave me the greatest joy and then the greatest hurt of my life. I'd like to think I'll see you again one day but I know that won't happen. I just hope what you gained was more than what you lost.

[underwater2010]

Husband - While I realize that you have your reasons for the affair and are very remorseful, I hope you can understand that I will probably have some form of hurt for the rest of our marriage. When I told you that I no longer feel special, I meant it. This is the last time that I will ever fight for "US" when it comes to an affair. Not because I do not love you, but because I deserve so much more than that. Please, please handle my heart with care as I do yours. PS if you even consider another affair, you better have your bags packed because you will be leaving for her house or your sisters.

 

MOW (twat tickler) - How dare you insert yourself were you do not belong. How dare you almost destroy two families. I could have forgiveness for a first time offender or OW, but for another MARRIED girl to disrespect two marriages is pathetic. I hope you realize how lucky you are that your husband sticks around. Four affairs and he stays beside you and defends you because of your childhood. Let me give you a piece of advice: Learn from you childhood like majority of people do. Do not treat your husband and kids the way you were treated. If you cannot do that then leave. I think it is sad that you cannot even remember the details of your affair with my husband even with a timeline, because you were busy trying to hook up with other men. If you continue to let men treat you like a piece of a$$, then that is all you will be. Even to your husband.

 

For those that read this, realize that I have dealt with the anger towards my husband and I am now try to move past it. I have never blown up at the MOW. The few times I talked with her, I did so calm and with class.

[GLDheart]

Ex Fiancee - "I loved you. Still do in fact. Please forgive me for not being strong enough to take you back. That pain I felt, the disgusting stomach wrenching agony that kept me from eating for weeks, the tears that hit me when I'm alone driving, the insecurity that I struggled with wondering why I wasn't enough... I just can't do it with you anymore. I love you but YOU SCARE THE $HIT OUT OF ME. I need to move on. Please forgive me for that. I will always love you in some way. I wish you well. I hope you find happiness and that hole in your soul is healed."

 

To the little weasel - We will never be ok. You could pull me from a burning building, and as I wake back into consciousness, you best run. You took what you wanted, stepped over boundaries, and did your part in helping the destruction of my little girls family. You are safe from me, at a distance, but don't ever think of yourself as some stranger with no connection. Deep down, I feel like someday our paths will cross. You should hope Karma get's to you first... I will be less kind.

[beenburned]

To my H:

I'm so proud of the man you have become during our years together.

I'm so glad we had a chance to work as a team in achieving our goals in life.

I'm proud of the children we raised together, and how they now are coping with life as adults with their own families. I will never be sorry I gave you the chance to prove yourself, as you have clearly surpassed my greatest expectations.

 

To the OW:

I forgive you, as I truly think your young age and inexperience in life caused your bad behavior. My hope for you is that you find love and experience the happiness and joy that marriage and children can bring to your life. I hope you look back on the EMA and feel regret and sadness at having participated in such poor choices.

[Furious]

For my husband

 

I remember our first date, a picnic at the park by the lake, it started off great, but then the ants and mosquitos bit us and got all over the food and a crazy seagull kept trying steal our bread. Covered in mosquito bites we ditched the picnic and jumped in the lake, laughing and kissing. I fell in love with you that day.

 

I see all the years in slow motion, our first christmas tree that was lopsided and kept tipping over and you ducked taped it to the wall. Everyone who came over made fun of our tree, but we loved that tree.

 

Our first little house, and the tulips we planted. Our big bed and and how there were weekends we'd only leave to get food and then jump back in.

 

The day our daughter was born and you and I cried, she was the most beautiful baby. When our son was born and you handed him to me, and we counted his fingers and toes and thanked god he was perfect.

 

The days we tripped over toys and everything was baby proofed in the house.

The rare nights we'd get a sitter and go dancing. The family holidays at the beach. Parties at our house, the barbecues and family get togethers. The first trip we took without the kids to the Bahama's and we were like giddy newlyweds.

 

In slow motion I remember the time you held me when my brother died, and you helped mom and dad pick out the suit for him to buried in. I remember when you lost your mom, and you cried in my arms like a little boy.

 

Time is a blur, a life that had so many joys and loss, we had to grow up, we had a family and careers, we became busier and busier, and maybe we lost something along the way. There was always love, but just maybe we needed to slow down, maybe life got in the way.....I don't know....I don't know what happened.

 

 

For the OW

 

I really don't know what to say to you...

[ComingInHot]

Husband; I forgive you. I had to not for you But for me. I am sorry that it took SO long for me to get to a place where I could even broach the topic of your betrayal and place my needs & the needs of our children ahead of my insecurities of all the changes that took place when she outed your A to me. I wish u would have told me yourself. It has made trusting you that much harder. Yet I want to thank you too. Once we started REALLY dealing w/the issues you made the very conscious choice to change instead of ignore that the A really happened. It's been a joy to see you reinvent yourself into a man you can be proud of as well as the kids and me! It's not easy to admit our own shortcomings but you have and are and through your actions on a daily basis are proving to everyone that you were worth a second chance. Lastly, thank you for (eventually) protecting me from your exOW. That was the most painful thing as I felt you 'allowed" her to mess w/me and harass me because you had described me to her as horrible & you didn't want her to know you had lied about everything you told her about me. It was nice to see you finally woke up & saw the pain of your actions & the continuous pain of hers.

I look forward to growing old w/you, but rest assured, if you EVER do ANYTHING like this again, I will disappear forever. There will NOT be a third chance.

 

To OW;

How could you be so cruel? I let you into my business I did NOT invite you into my marriage or life. You behaved like you were better than me. Like you deserved whatever you wanted regardless of who you hurt. You stole from my business with accounting your time as "work" when you were screwing my husband. You stole time my children deserved to have w/their father and me. When he dumped you months later you contacted me under the guise of an apology then felt the need to tell me how much better than me you felt you were. It really hurt to hear you say I was second choice when in fact I was ever his only choice. I'm sorry that your behavior lost you Your job. I was only submitting hours you worked to get my money back for hours you billed but didn't work. I hope that the cease letter has enabled you to move on w/your life. I truly hope You make the changes necessary to become a good person who will find a partner to love not up your economic status.