OCCDAVE Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 I'll try and trim this much as possible .Well year ago today was the last time I saw my wife .My wife of 4 years told me she cheated on me and it was over .this came a week after we had a talk about starting a family .Forward to feb I was trying to let her hear me out but no luck she said finish up this divorce oh and btw I'm preg.Thats the last time I heard from her and found out she got married and had her kid bout 2 months ago .Ive tried to date few times since then none worked out my longest lasted about a month.Suffered a seizure and from what doctors told me almost died, Had been enrolled in school had to drop out to many medical problems .Guess I'm scared really don't know what the next day will even bring I just wake up try make best of it .I never claim to be perfect but I'd never imagine she would turn this heartless esp when it comes to the baby that was the dager in the heart sigh
ReadMyThread Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 I'll try and trim this much as possible .Well year ago today was the last time I saw my wife .My wife of 4 years told me she cheated on me and it was over .this came a week after we had a talk about starting a family .Forward to feb I was trying to let her hear me out but no luck she said finish up this divorce oh and btw I'm preg.Thats the last time I heard from her and found out she got married and had her kid bout 2 months ago .Ive tried to date few times since then none worked out my longest lasted about a month.Suffered a seizure and from what doctors told me almost died, Had been enrolled in school had to drop out to many medical problems .Guess I'm scared really don't know what the next day will even bring I just wake up try make best of it .I never claim to be perfect but I'd never imagine she would turn this heartless esp when it comes to the baby that was the dager in the heart sigh Hang in there Dave. At least your not as low as I am right now even with all you have been through you have statted. Your a strong person and WILL get there! Stay strong! You got this!!!
Author OCCDAVE Posted December 7, 2012 Author Posted December 7, 2012 I think I'm still kinda low not gonna say I'm 100% by any means .Heck two weeks ago I called her private just to hear her voice.Thanksgiving I drove 25 miles to her parents house knowing she would be there but got cold feet at the last min and stayed In my car as she left .Guess I never expected this to happen cause even after the bomb shell she fed me crumbs and made it seem like she just needed space sigh
jwhite Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 Step 1: Go to gym and work HARD, read books at home ALOT Step 2: Go back to school and work HARD and finish Step 3: Fix youself to love yourself Step 4: Once your fixed, upgrade to a better chick Step 5: PROSPER and live long Think simple BODY, MIND, SOUL....in that order 1
Author OCCDAVE Posted December 8, 2012 Author Posted December 8, 2012 1.I should go back to the gym cause since it happened ive only gone maybe a handful of times. 2.Im hoping to sign up next week god willing.Works gonna have to suffer aka ill need to buget big time but something's gotta give . 3.Im trying to fix myself but how do I flip that switch when I'm still left with so many unanswered questions. 4.same as above my trust is destroyed how do I trust again.I know not every girl is a devil like my ex just can't shake the image of her saying lets have kids then bam I cheated on you and btw I'm preg .All pretty much in a month that's been alot to swallow
Author OCCDAVE Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 Guess I'm back to my sleepless nights sigh God will I ever lift this regret
Mumbles Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Regret you say... really? I'm not actually doubting you, but what do you regret? If someone else does something in their life and though it may affect you, there is almost certainly nothing you could have done about it, and certainly now that the deed is done there is nothing you can do. I really like Jwhites answer above. Fill your life with self improvement, really fill it. Don't catch yourself at home with nothing to do in the middle of the night drinking rum. Be at peace with the sadness that comes from loss. Build up your confidence by working on your body and mind (gym + books). See a therapist, you'd be surprised how helpful it can be to offload to a stranger (this forum for instance...let it all out) Women are not simply men with girl parts, they are significantly different in many ways that baffles me, and many men I know - likewise I'm sure many male activities and reactions will baffle the girls. I'm three years out from separation from my wife of 10 years. Still am not dating. But I'm working on becoming the man I want to be, both physically and mentally. When I'm at peace with that, and the world again, we'll see whats going on new relationship wise. 1
Author OCCDAVE Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 Thanks for the advice ill try and keep myself busy which I have done so I don't think of her.I won't bs I still miss her hell she was my first love but as you said if someone's gonna do something nothing I could have did to change that.Also tbh I've been thinking sometimes I believe things happen for a reason and as much as this pains me to say we were not meant to be together by fate (lame heh) Btw 3 years from a 10 year rs is along time was it a really bad break up or what?Sorry to be nosey just wondering why no dating yet
Sugarkane Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Sorry for your loss Dave. Wouldn't her new SO be paranoid about being cheated on, when she cheated on you for him? I know I would be. I still can't understand why people are happy to get pregnant to the next person mere months later? What do people say about that? 1
Mumbles Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 (edited) Btw 3 years from a 10 year rs is along time was it a really bad break up or what?Sorry to be nosey just wondering why no dating yet Nothing nosey here at LS I don't think. Yes, you are right, 3 years, its a long time. I've posted on another thread here at LS about how I still am not feeling motivated to even date because I don't feel at all ready for a relationship. There is a natural (for me) hesitation, borne of the fact that I've been out of the dating loop for over 14 years (1 year pre marriage, 10 years marriage, 3 post), but its more than just that, I still feel "dulled", emotionally. To engage ladies who are well meaning in faux courting doesn't feel right to me. I want to lead an honest life, honest within myself, this is part of my recovery. Which is not to say that I don't miss the intimacy at all levels of the meaning of the word and this is the subject of another post I've made elsewhere as well. To paraphrase and address jwhites list from a few posts above which I really like: Step 1: Go to gym and work HARD, read books at home I'm still doing this, and I think its not something I should ever stop, so I'll never be finished. Step 2: Go back to school and work HARD and finish Re-schooling isn't an option for me at this time, but I'm still using the spirit of the advice by working hard at work and I feel that things on the work front are generally quite successful. Step 3: Fix youself to love yourself This. Very important. Like point one, I don't think this step should ever end, however, I am now in the right head space, I _do_ like me, again, and am hopeful for the future Step 4: Once your fixed, upgrade to a better chick I'm not here. So, by implication, am not yet 'fixed'. I find myself now pondering an array of possible solutions, both temporary and longer term that I would never have considered previously. Though out of my comfort zone, I think they are still honest. Step 5: PROSPER and live long Yep. This is the goal. I feel confident now in a way I most certainly didn't in the first stages of separation. Oh, and just to remove doubt, my separation wasn't particularly nasty. I've read some heartbreaking stuff here at LS and in this respect at least I feel somewhat lucky. Negotiations over division of assets and money can get pretty upsetting, really, seriously upsetting actually, but after 3 years we're almost at the end of that. I think a lot of the reason for the length of time its taken me to recover is related to my state of mind. It isn't the case that the break up was so bad and caused so much damage that I've needed time to recover from that specifically. I think it may be related to me not really looking beyond my marriage. I simply assumed it would last forever and that when it ended it would be because I died (first) of old age. Even in the rocky times that led up to the eventual separation I worked on and really believed we'd find a way through. It took my wife's gaining of a lover, whilst I was still living in the house (but living separately) to really drive it home to me that love/emotionally wise, she'd already moved on. Edited December 12, 2012 by Mumbles spelling 1
Author OCCDAVE Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 (edited) Sorry for your loss Dave. Wouldn't her new SO be paranoid about being cheated on, when she cheated on you for him? I know I would be. I still can't understand why people are happy to get pregnant to the next person mere months later? What do people say about that?from what I understand cause I knew some things about this guy .for one he's a bit of a player himself despite being in his 40s plus he's rich.I dunno maybe this was her plan all along so she could live a good life and maybe trap him?Then again maybe this was going on and I was just filling a void who knows.Im not loaded like him but I would give up a body part if it meant she was in need of something .Looking back after she dropped the bombshell few weeks after she told me on the ph she loved this man lol Looking back maybe I was the fool in this game she played Edited December 12, 2012 by OCCDAVE Was wrong
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