eternal.denied84 Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 Hi, There is this girl at my work place with whom I have been interacting lately. I asked her out for coffee after couple of interactions to which she said-may be some time later. After this we bumped into each other a number of times, talked about something something, and once couple of weeks passed by I reminded her saying that we should get to know each other some time. she said yeah we will. couple of weeks passed by and I asked her out again to catch up on coffee to which she said-shall we do it tomorrow ? I said -yeah sure and I told her that this time you should inform me whenever you are free and we will go for it. Next day She never asked me out, I kept waiting. Both the time she offered me a rain check , her excuse was that she is busy. I agree with her to some extent but not that she can't take out 10 minutes ?? Couple of days later we bump into each other and she talks as if nothing as happened..! Questions: 1. Is she just playing around with me to see how far can I go ? 2. Did I give her indication of interest to early and she is gone for good ? 3. Is she absolutely not interested in me to take this casual chats any further and is only being a polite coworker by not shunning me off boldly? Actions: 4. Should I let her know clearly that I like her and would like to know her more ? Doesn't she get this already through my repeating offers ? 5. Should I confront her saying that she shouldn't promise something if she doesn't mean it? 6. Should I ask her if she is absolutely not interested in me-she can tell it on my face, rather than being polite. ?
MrCastle Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 She's not interested. You don't have to ask her about it, tell her how you feel, or any other actions that could possibly make things worse. Don't contact her anymore 1
xdahliax Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 1. She might not be playing with you, but she's definitely not interested. She probably just has absolutely no skill in letting guys down so she avoids it altogether. If she were interested, you wouldn't have had to ask so often because she would have brought it up on her own. 2. It doesn't matter when you indicated your interest, she doesn't like you and timing wouldn't have changed the outcome (99% certainty) 3. She's trying to be polite and probably doesn't realize that she's harming you in the process. I don't know if she isn't interested in speaking to you anymore (that seems a bit far-stretched) because I haven't seen your interactions. To say so would mean that she has no interest in you simply because she has no interest in you romantically, and most girls aren't like that. There is value in getting to know someone of the opposite sex without romantic expectations. 4. No 5. No, you'll look crazy. Get a hint. 6. No, drop it.
truth_seeker Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 I feel for you, man but like the others here have posted, she's not into you. She is in an awkward position: you work together and she's not interested. You have to suck it up and move on. Just be pleasant and don't even initiate any type of conversation. Not to get your hopes up but by going NC on her she might come around down the road. She might, again MIGHT, have slight interest in you and right now the timing and you coming on strong isn't doing it for her. Giving her space and letting her think about it and wonder, might pique her curiosity and come looking for you later. Still, take it as a loss and go about your work like this never happened.
Author eternal.denied84 Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 (edited) Thanks everyone. Its clear that she ain't interested. I don't know if this info will change your answers but to give you complete picture-I kind of ignored her a couple of times to see that If she initiates the conversation - she does initiate the talk so is it possible that she is not absolutely disinterested in me ? Only wants me as a friend ? or just being cordial not to come out awkward ? Considering that she is not interested romantically what is my best bet to get her interested in me. I know one can't force anyone to like one but I seem to like her very much so is there any thing at all I could do to get her on my side ? Edited December 9, 2012 by eternal.denied84
Author eternal.denied84 Posted December 27, 2012 Author Posted December 27, 2012 I feel for you, man but like the others here have posted, she's not into you. She is in an awkward position: you work together and she's not interested. You have to suck it up and move on. Just be pleasant and don't even initiate any type of conversation. Not to get your hopes up but by going NC on her she might come around down the road. She might, again MIGHT, have slight interest in you and right now the timing and you coming on strong isn't doing it for her. Giving her space and letting her think about it and wonder, might pique her curiosity and come looking for you later. Still, take it as a loss and go about your work like this never happened. Well 3-4 weeks of NC and she came back with a message- 'you were taking me for a coffee ??' what to do now ?
NoMoreJerks Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 3. Is she absolutely not interested in me to take this casual chats any further and is only being a polite coworker by not shunning me off boldly? Yeah. This, IMO. As for the actions: I'd go with: do nothing and let go of her. Be friendly like you are with other co-workers, nothing more nothing less.
NoMoreJerks Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 Well 3-4 weeks of NC and she came back with a message- 'you were taking me for a coffee ??' what to do now ? Go for coffee with her, but with zero expectations , and do not make any moves on her that are flirty, etc. Just be friendly in a professional way. If she's interested in more, I am sure you will know... I mean, she knows that you were interested in more than just having coffee with her as a work colleague..
CptSaveAho Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 (edited) Go for coffee with her, but with zero expectations , and do not make any moves on her that are flirty, etc. Just be friendly in a professional way. If she's interested in more, I am sure you will know... I mean, she knows that you were interested in more than just having coffee with her as a work colleague.. (another woman's advice... lets drive this guy off the cliff even though you know she only invited him out because she was lonely and not interested in anything but friends) Hell no.... don't go she had her chance and passed... move on to the next one Edited December 27, 2012 by CptSaveAho
NoMoreJerks Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 (another woman's advice... lets drive this guy off the cliff even though you know she only invited him out because she was lonely and not interested in anything but friends) Driving this guy off the cliff? I never said he should expect anything more than just friends going for a coffee. I do not mind making friends with men. Not all the men in my life have to be potential mates/partners. If he does not want to be friends with her, he can turn down the offer, but there is nothing wrong with being friends. For all we know, she might be interested in just being friends and might be thinking that she was rude towards him or something, and wants to make up for it. I've done this before and it never meant that I was doing it because I was lonely or wanted more than just to have a coffee with a co-worker.
phineas Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 (another woman's advice... lets drive this guy off the cliff even though you know she only invited him out because she was lonely and not interested in anything but friends) Hell no.... don't go she had her chance and passed... move on to the next one I gotta agree with this. If some woman contacts me 3 weeks later she better be offering to buy me beers to make up for her poor manners.
truth_seeker Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Well 3-4 weeks of NC and she came back with a message- 'you were taking me for a coffee ??' what to do now ? There are several possibilities as to why she has contacted you now about this: 1) She wasn't ready to go out with you and wanted some time to breathe and think about it. 2) Someone else was in the picture and she wanted to explore that first (didn't work out) now she is checking back with you. 3) She is lonely and bored. The man in me says to forget her. She had her chance and now expects you to be readily available when she comes calling? Almost a month later after blowing you off? On the other hand, if you like her, you can reply with: "Coffee? That was 3 weeks ago. You can take me out for a beer ;)" I've learned that sometimes you have to play along at the woman's speed. Go for a drink and see where it goes - no expectations. Do bring up why the NC on her part. Find out what her deal is all of the sudden for reaching out to you.
Febreze Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 She's not interested. You don't have to ask her about it, tell her how you feel, or any other actions that could possibly make things worse. Don't contact her anymore Why must men be so lazy in trying to date a coworker? ITS LAME! My ex worked at the same hospital but he wasn't a coworker because he was in a different dept so this doesn't apply. Look for a girl further away. Sheesh!
phineas Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Why must men be so lazy in trying to date a coworker? ITS LAME! My ex worked at the same hospital but he wasn't a coworker because he was in a different dept so this doesn't apply. Look for a girl further away. Sheesh! I'll bet your ex is wishing he had done that. Sheesh!
CptSaveAho Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Driving this guy off the cliff? I never said he should expect anything more than just friends going for a coffee. I do not mind making friends with men. Not all the men in my life have to be potential mates/partners. If he does not want to be friends with her, he can turn down the offer, but there is nothing wrong with being friends. For all we know, she might be interested in just being friends and might be thinking that she was rude towards him or something, and wants to make up for it. I've done this before and it never meant that I was doing it because I was lonely or wanted more than just to have a coffee with a co-worker. Stop projecting.... god. This isn't the friendship forum. He didnt ask her out to be friends... just because you are willing to be friends with every guy that passes, this is the dating forum... you know he asked her out on a date and she wasnt interested but you suggest he meets up because you are willing to make friends when he wants a "DATE" This is why guys need to stop listening to women's advice on dating, they will take control of the wheel, drive you off the cliff and jump out of the car before it goes over and then said, oh it was just friends. Women!
NoMoreJerks Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Stop projecting.... god. This isn't the friendship forum. He didnt ask her out to be friends... just because you are willing to be friends with every guy that passes, this is the dating forum... you know he asked her out on a date and she wasnt interested but you suggest he meets up because you are willing to make friends when he wants a "DATE" This is why guys need to stop listening to women's advice on dating, they will take control of the wheel, drive you off the cliff and jump out of the car before it goes over and then said, oh it was just friends. Women! I'm not suggesting anything -- I'm just saying that if he's to meet up with her, he should have zero expectations since it's probably the case that she's just being friendly as a co-worker , after realizing she might 've come off as rude. That is all. You are too desperate for a date and for sex, and so can only think in that direction but a lot of people are not. Him wanting a date does not mean he can't be friends with someone who wasn't interested in him sexually/romantically. If that's the case for him, then he must really be a miserable human being with few/no friends at all.
Febreze Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I'll bet your ex is wishing he had done that. Sheesh! Leave me alone buster! You dont know anything about why I dumped him. He was a poor excuse of a man and I was warned about him months ago.
jcrew11 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Driving this guy off the cliff? I never said he should expect anything more than just friends going for a coffee. I do not mind making friends with men. Not all the men in my life have to be potential mates/partners. If he does not want to be friends with her, he can turn down the offer, but there is nothing wrong with being friends. For all we know, she might be interested in just being friends and might be thinking that she was rude towards him or something, and wants to make up for it. I've done this before and it never meant that I was doing it because I was lonely or wanted more than just to have a coffee with a co-worker. First off OP, you're really clueless about love or maybe you "are blinded by your infatuation and crush on her." She's clearly not interested in you, but wants to maintain a peaceful and cordial work relationship and environment. Tell us about your office, is it a white collar job and are you her boss? She doesn't want you upset at her and sabatoging her professional work or reputation. Friendly Girls are often "just friendly to everyone" and single guys will mistake that for "flirtation or signs of interest." She might have a boyfriend back home or other guys on her radar. But dating at work is dangerous, especially if the guy can't take a hint and it escalates to "sexual harassment." By all means stop pursuing her! Stay professional. If you go for coffee, stay professional, unless she initiates a kiss or whatever. The "Playing Hard to Get" tactic works, but be prepared to risk your job over this girl. If you are being a creepy stalker, she will have a case to report you to HR. 1
phineas Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Leave me alone buster! You dont know anything about why I dumped him. He was a poor excuse of a man and I was warned about him months ago. Sure I do. You made a big rant post about it & listed all kinds of crazy reasons. Now you say you knew all about him & still chose to date him?
phineas Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I'm not suggesting anything -- I'm just saying that if he's to meet up with her, he should have zero expectations since it's probably the case that she's just being friendly as a co-worker , after realizing she might 've come off as rude. That is all. You are too desperate for a date and for sex, and so can only think in that direction but a lot of people are not. Him wanting a date does not mean he can't be friends with someone who wasn't interested in him sexually/romantically. If that's the case for him, then he must really be a miserable human being with few/no friends at all. Being friends with someone who rejects you is fine. Being friends with someone who rejects you by ignoring you for 3 weeks then out of the blue agree's to see you? Well, he went 3 weeks without her presence, why ruin a good thing?
MrCastle Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Being friends with someone who rejects you is fine. No it isn't.
CptSaveAho Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I'm not suggesting anything -- I'm just saying that if he's to meet up with her, he should have zero expectations since it's probably the case that she's just being friendly as a co-worker , after realizing she might 've come off as rude. That is all. You are too desperate for a date and for sex, and so can only think in that direction but a lot of people are not. Him wanting a date does not mean he can't be friends with someone who wasn't interested in him sexually/romantically. If that's the case for him, then he must really be a miserable human being with few/no friends at all. I am not desperate for anything... I have no problems getting dates, I just dont date losers. Op shouldn't have to either, nor any guy for that matter I am also not friends with women so I wont just go grab a coffee with a chick because it took her 3 weeks to realize she was rude to me... my ego wont suffer from her not responding 3 weeks before... I'm off to the next one Contrary to you're skewed view of the world... Men and Women can't be friends. While you might collect a circle of friends because you can't fathom the thought of being alone and you need friends for your approval and validation, I'm happy just having male friends. You have some serious projecting issues... second thread ive called you out on it
todreaminblue Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Stop projecting.... god. This isn't the friendship forum. He didnt ask her out to be friends... just because you are willing to be friends with every guy that passes, this is the dating forum... you know he asked her out on a date and she wasnt interested but you suggest he meets up because you are willing to make friends when he wants a "DATE" This is why guys need to stop listening to women's advice on dating, they will take control of the wheel, drive you off the cliff and jump out of the car before it goes over and then said, oh it was just friends. Women! i was starting to think you were cool, you arent this post sucks, i dont like you anymore....hop in my car i cant drive for crap point me to the nearest cliff......i follow directions...wanna drive you off it...kaaamikaaaze........deb
todreaminblue Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Hi, There is this girl at my work place with whom I have been interacting lately. I asked her out for coffee after couple of interactions to which she said-may be some time later. After this we bumped into each other a number of times, talked about something something, and once couple of weeks passed by I reminded her saying that we should get to know each other some time. she said yeah we will. couple of weeks passed by and I asked her out again to catch up on coffee to which she said-shall we do it tomorrow ? I said -yeah sure and I told her that this time you should inform me whenever you are free and we will go for it. Next day She never asked me out, I kept waiting. Both the time she offered me a rain check , her excuse was that she is busy. I agree with her to some extent but not that she can't take out 10 minutes ?? Couple of days later we bump into each other and she talks as if nothing as happened..! Questions: 1. Is she just playing around with me to see how far can I go ? 2. Did I give her indication of interest to early and she is gone for good ? 3. Is she absolutely not interested in me to take this casual chats any further and is only being a polite coworker by not shunning me off boldly? Actions: 4. Should I let her know clearly that I like her and would like to know her more ? Doesn't she get this already through my repeating offers ? 5. Should I confront her saying that she shouldn't promise something if she doesn't mean it? 6. Should I ask her if she is absolutely not interested in me-she can tell it on my face, rather than being polite. ? I think you should ask straight up why she keeps putting you off and tell her you are a big boy and can take rejection......you would rather know if she is interested in a date or not with you because otherwise you will move on...i am assuming you arent into multi dating?.....deb
edgygirl Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 This time I will agree with the guys. No friendship with someone who rejected you / played with you. Nah, people need to have some dignity. Tell her you're busy. 1
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