A little update and for the broken hearted.

[Rudyruude]

Hey Loveshack community,

 

So when my ex girlfriend left me for another guy I didn't know where to turn. I must say this forum has been a HUUUGE help. Anyone fresh off a breakup should read the posts in here. Even though it wont help solve your problems, there's lots of good advice on here and most people are very supportive. It really helped me get a grip on what happened between her and I and I truly believe this forum was essential to my feeling better. So thank you to everyone who responded to my post with their thoughts on my situation.

 

So, I guess I'll give a little update on what I've gone through. She dumped me 8 months ago right after our two year anniversary. I was completely blindsided by the whole thing because I am an Engineering student who goes to school in a different province from where her and I live permanently and only had contact with her over the phone or over Skype. The day after I returned home from second semester last year we took off to Cuba for a week. You have no idea how excited I was to see her as I hadnt seen her in 4 months. Honestly, the last week before I got to see her felt like 10 years. I couldn't get home fast enough. Anyways, it sucked cuz I could tell something was up when we were in Cuba. She was totally distant and just did not seem to want to be there with me. It was almost as if because we had booked the trip while I was at school, she just wanted to grit her teeth and bare it for the week and planned to break up with me once we got home. It sucked cuz I loved every nanometer of her. We got home and long story short, a week later she dumped me.

 

I was TOTALLY heart broken. I hadnt experienced feelings like that ever. I felt like not only her but everyone of her friends now hated me. Just to be clear I NEVER cheated on her or was even a bad boyfriend. I always took an interest in her life and supported her decisions regardless of how I felt about them. I'm thinking now that I was a bit of a push over and I guess kind of boring to her? I don't know. When I was out at school my roommate would go out to the clubs and party and I just didn't feel right. None of the girls in the club could possibly equate to what I had waiting for me at home; at least thats how I felt at the time.

 

So enough of the sob story. Like I said I posted about our breakup in detail roughly 8 months ago so I'm not sure how to do it but if you are interested you could dig up that post. (Cant even rememeber what I titled it, sorry). But its been 8 months now absolutely no contact. I learned that even though I felt like I could talk to her and convince her to reconsider, I just can't talk to her. Actually, I learned alot about no contact on here, and BELIEVE me it really helped. I deleted her off facebook, deleted her number out of my phone (even though I cant delete it from my brain) and unsuscribed from any facebook posts from her friends or family. Actually, to begin with I was terrified of Facebook because I felt that as soon as I logged in i would see pictures of her with her new boyfriend and at the time i really felt that all my heart needed was a flick and it would explode. So not only did I delete her from facebook, i just took a very long extended break from it all together. Anyways, like i said, its been 8 months and I feel better about the whole thing now. I still hate her for telling me she loved me and all that bull sh*t when we were dating and how she made me feel when she broke up with me. And holy sh*t i never knew how much something like your girlfriend leaving you for someone else would hurt. I mean seriously anyone who this has happened to and is dealing with it right now, my heart goes out to you because I know how much it sucks. My advice, do what I did. Realize that her choosing someone else means its OVER. There's no grey areas about it. Not only that, but youre more likely to win the lottery than making it work with her after she left you for someone else. If you want to stop feeling like Sh*t about the whole thing, you HAVE to realize that its over and stop holding on to a dream that maybe one day she will contact you. That's not saying she wont, but that's the mndset you have to be in. If she left you, its up to her to want to smooth things out between you two. I'm definitley guilty of holding on to the slight chance that she may figure out she was wrong and contact me, and I must say it prevented any kind of healing or moving on that I could have been doing. Not to say you shouldn;t take the time you need to start moving on, but be aware that until you FULLY let go of the chance of her coming back, you will not be making any progress towards getting off that couch and back out into the world. Again, I'm speaking from experience so please at least consider what I'm saying.

 

We still haven't talked since we broke up. Not even a peep. Havn't seen her, talked to her or even facebook creeped her (because of someones brilliant advice on here to just delete and block her. Pictures of him/her on facebook feel like a dagger in the heart when something like this happens and I highly recommend doing it). I've been feeling alot better about the whole thing in the last few months. I don't wake up in the morning thinking about her, I don't go to bed at night thinking about her as I used to. And for a while there, i totally forgot she existed. But its been weird latley cuz I've been having dreams about her!? I wake up and am like "wtf was that!? I thought I was over this!". The only thing I can think of is that I still have alot of resentment towards her and what she did. And thats nothing new to me. Everytime I do think of her now my mood instantly deteriorates. I honestly hate her. I read someones rant on here that I could totally related to. It went something like this:

 

F*** YOU for saying you loved me,

F*** YOU for making me feel like this

F*** YOU for thinking I wouldn;t be angry about this

F*** YOU for wasting 2 years of my life

 

 

Amongst other things. I related to this post because I honeslty cant stand the thought of her anymore. I know it's bad to say but I can't even wish her the best in the future. I guess there will always be a scar.

 

ANWAYS sorry for the long post. I had been thinking about her recently due to the dreams and back when the breakup was fresh I would come on here so help make me feel better. I also wanted to give some hope to those going through what i went through. I know there's alot of things on here that you don't want to hear but believe me at the very least realized that you're not the only person going through this. It happens to everyone and how you deal with it defines you as a person. Best of luck folks. Keep your heads up, get busy trying to improve yourself, and most importantly turn to those who will love you unconditionally. That would be your family and friends. And dogs!! I can't wait to see my pooch when I go home for Christmas.

 

Being an engineering student, we live by the following quote:

 

"Keep calm, and carry on".

 

Also applicable to situations such as this.

[NavyAirTraffic]

Got dumped im devastated

 

(your original post)

 

I'm glad you're doing well. Dreams will go away. I bet your story helps a lot of people.

[sharsh]

Just wanted to say thank you for posting this. Gives me a little hope. Glad you're doing better!

[Pinky777]

Glad to hear you're doing so much better. My ex-husband left me for another woman and it's brutal. Being left for another really messes with your whole world and makes you question everything about yourself even if you don't deserve it. I eventually met a much better guy not too long after that and ironically it's that breakup that led me here. Ha. But I'm always glad to hear these stories. I know people don't visit these forums after they move on so it's so good to hear when people do. Best of luck to you! Of course you'll never forget your ex, she was a big part of your life for a long time, but she is in the past. A closed chapter. Good for you.

[cavalier99]

Thanks for your post! Love to hear stories of getting to INDIFFERENCE towards the ex. My EX im sure is cuddled up with her new guy right now. F-her for putting thru this hell. Ill forgive later 2 months pure NC and I have NO doubt it is over forever. Time to do me! Rock on!