Author somedude81 Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 butter up, implies manipulation or trickery. I certainly don't think you're out to trick girls, but you should learn to choose your words So what should I have said? All I meant to say was that I wanted to talk to her more so that when I did ask her out, she wouldn't turn me down instantly like she would turn down a stranger. She would actually consider who I am.
Lonely Ronin Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 So what should I have said? All I meant to say was that I wanted to talk to her more so that when I did ask her out, she wouldn't turn me down instantly like she would turn down a stranger. She would actually consider who I am. You wanted her to get to know you.
iris219 Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 So what should I have said? All I meant to say was that I wanted to talk to her more so that when I did ask her out, she wouldn't turn me down instantly like she would turn down a stranger. She would actually consider who I am. You weren't a stranger. She knew enough about you to know whether or not she wanted to go out with you, just like you knew enough about her to want to ask her out.
betterdeal Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 I love how SD can hold court so successfully. It's that combination of showing some vulnerability only to snap back with a quick shot of sarcasm that keeps people coming back, I reckon. I am amazed that this vulnerable bastard routine doesn't translate into a successful bad boy routine in real life. Hmm. Maybe it does. Maybe there's a string of women who've fallen for his charms just as LS posters do, but he just doesn't realise it consciously. I wouldn't be surprised at all. 1
Author somedude81 Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 (edited) I love how SD can hold court so successfully. It's that combination of showing some vulnerability only to snap back with a quick shot of sarcasm that keeps people coming back, I reckon. I am amazed that this vulnerable bastard routine doesn't translate into a successful bad boy routine in real life. Hmm. Maybe it does. Maybe there's a string of women who've fallen for his charms just as LS posters do, but he just doesn't realise it consciously. I wouldn't be surprised at all. Is that what I'm doing? And it can work on girls, whatever it is that I'm doing? Women certainly aren't falling for my charms, if they were I wouldn't be making threads like this for on account of all the sex I'd be having. I want sex, I need sex... I can't do sex. Kill me BTW: All of the sarcasm I'm doing comes out of frustration. I've never actually been frustrated around a girl to show her any sarcasm. Edited December 9, 2012 by somedude81
Author somedude81 Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 Could I use the vulnerable sarcastic thing on this girl as a last ditch effort?
Weezy1973 Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Women that love sarcasm love sarcasm. If you're naturally sarcastic, it's best to just let it out there. Those women that don't like sarcasm will naturally be turned off, which filters out those that aren't a good match anyways. 1
zengirl Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Really? How do you do that? I wish I could have figured that out sooner. I posted what I was planning on opening with on 12/7 at 4pm and didn't actually send a message to her until 12/8 at 1pm. If anybody here told me it was a bad idea, I wouldn't have sent it. I know. I'm hardly on here anymore, so I wasn't around to see it. I figured better to tell you since she won't be the only girl you ever ask out probably or even ask out via FB. Not that you've asked her out at all yet. I wanted to get a rapport going with her first before I just straight up asked her out but I didn't know how to get that started. I used the only thing I could think of and it obliviously wasn't correct. And no, she hasn't replied. Doubt she ever will. Just ask girls out. I mean, you've had a conversation with her in person - that's better than anything via IM. Honestly. I'm not saying ask out 100% of the girls in your salsa class, but if you find one that you decide to, then go 100% ahead with deciding. Stop trying to feel girls out. For one, (and I don't say this to be mean) you're not good at it, and since we aren't the ones talking to them, it's really hard for us to give the kind of advice that'd actually help. Some people are good at feeling situations out and taking a few steps to do so actually helps. But many more people use it as an excuse for paralysis and half-failure. You do that. You do it a lot. Just stop it. I suspect you will do it with other things in your future - jobs, etc (MANY people do it with jobs!) - if you don't learn to stop and I suspect you've done it not only with women but many other things in your past. You can break the cycle. You can still send this girl a message and ask her out. It may or may not work, but you're no worse off if it doesn't than you already are. I can be direct though I wanted to increase my odds first. There was no way to increase your odds. I disagree that girls will turn you down 100% if you're direct. They will turn you down, sure, but no more than they would anyway, IMO. I could ask out half girls that were in my salsa class right now and 100% of them would say no. And I'd be labeled a major creep. You're right that if you ask a bunch of girls who know each other out, you could be labeled a creep. Dude, of course you know that women need to be buttered up a little bit before they'd go out with you, unless they were total sluts. But you're wrong about this. Honestly, there is very little way of knowing 'how to' get a girl to say yes to a first date because women are individuals. I will say that being passive or iffy or shy about it is really less of a plus than being assertive and clear. MORE girls favor men who are assertive (or even aggressive which is so not MY thing) than men who are passive. MORE girls favor men who go for it than men who play it safe. So if you want to increase your odds, that's the only way I know how. If you want to truly KNOW your odds with any one girl, well even wondering and trying to figure it out is actively decreasing your odds with many of them - you just gotta forget that and go for what you want. Most of the time, you won't get it. That's not just you. That's not just dating. That's life. Success comes from failure. You weren't a stranger. She knew enough about you to know whether or not she wanted to go out with you, just like you knew enough about her to want to ask her out. Basically. It would've been fine. Don't find random hot women on FB and message them and ask them out. But you knew the girl, she accepted your friend request and knew you, you could've asked her out.
BubblyBeth Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Really? How do you do that? I wish I could have figured that out sooner. I posted what I was planning on opening with on 12/7 at 4pm and didn't actually send a message to her until 12/8 at 1pm. If anybody here told me it was a bad idea, I wouldn't have sent it. You know SD... if you actually had a friend you could have called him or her and received instant feedback/suggestions on what to do/what not to do. Instead, you relegate all "social means" to a message board, which is NOT an appropriate substitute for a social life. Reason #1,780 why having a few friends could only stand to help you, and not hurt.
SmileFace Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 You know SD... if you actually had a friend you could have called him or her and received instant feedback/suggestions on what to do/what not to do. Instead, you relegate all "social means" to a message board, which is NOT an appropriate substitute for a social life. Reason #1,780 why having a few friends could only stand to help you, and not hurt. Eh, even people with friends still hash out their problems on ls. That isn't the reason he needs friends. It seems that he needs more social interaction so simple ass social interactions such as this can be handled by himself with out the need of a play by play on what to do and how to respond from members of this board. I don't think he is substituting ls for a social life. The board is meant for communication and that is what he is doing. 2
Els Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Yes it is. Otherwise women would be going out with every single guy that asked her based on the guys looks alone. Guys wouldn't bother trying to have a conversation first, they'd just walk up to her and say, "lets have sex." Talking is very different from 'buttering someone up' to serve a certain purpose, y'know. Some guys actually talk to women before they have sex because they also... horror of horrors!... want to get to know the woman and figure out whether she's right for him before they have sex! Yes, it happens! Really? How do you do that? If you open the message window (not in the 'message' page, but by clicking the person's name in the friends panel on the right side of your main page, and having their conversation appear on the bottom right of the screen), it will say 'Seen at (date)' if it has been read. I personally find this new addition annoying, and wish Zuck hadn't put it in, but it does serve a purpose on occasion. Just don't overuse it. 1
veggirl Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 butter up, implies manipulation or trickery. ....and somedude is the one who over-thinks things? lol omg.
Author somedude81 Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 Thanks Elswyth for telling me about the seen thing. FB says she seen my message around 8 am, no reply though Just ask girls out. I mean, you've had a conversation with her in person - that's better than anything via IM. I just wanted to joke around with her some more. Wouldn't she be more likely to say yes, if I've made her laugh for the past few minutes versus she logs in and there's a message from me asking her out? Or does it really not matter? Stop trying to feel girls out. For one, (and I don't say this to be mean) you're not good at it LOL, straight to the point. Yeah I'm terrible at feeling women out. That's why I want more guidance because I really don't have a clue what I'm doing, so I just keep failing. It's like I'm trying to learn how to ride a bike and I just learned which way to face. But now I don't know where to put my hands, so I keep crashing. Basically. It would've been fine. Don't find random hot women on FB and message them and ask them out. But you knew the girl, she accepted your friend request and knew you, you could've asked her out. That's all a girl needs to know to decide. That she kinda knows who you are? Ugh, my main issue is that I at least want to feel that I gave it my best shot when I ask her out. If I just sent her a message asking her out, when she rejected me, I'd feel that I didn't do enough. But on that thought, is there really anything I could do to increase my chances?
Nightsky Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 If I just sent her a message asking her out, when she rejected me, I'd feel that I didn't do enough. But on that thought, is there really anything I could do to increase my chances? Well you could go through her friends list and start adding the people who write on her wall regularly as your friends. Than just msg them to get her info so you can show up at her door with flowers and candies to ask her out.
Els Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Thanks Elswyth for telling me about the seen thing. FB says she seen my message around 8 am, no reply though Well, give it a couple days and cut your losses if she hasn't answered by then. PLEASE do not do what Nightsky suggested. That is just creepy beyond belief (and yes, I'm not overusing that damn word, it is incredibly creepy to message the friends of a girl you barely know to get her address). And any 'friend' worth their salt would tell you to just ask her yourself, and then contact her letting her know that this creepy guy is asking them for her address. Just... no. 2
Author somedude81 Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 ROFL! She changes her profile picture to her sticking out her tongue and a few hours later she gets 50 likes and 20+ comments from various dudes. It's insane how much attention girls get. FB just makes it easy to see how much they're getting. Needless to say, I'm not going to bother with her any more and have hidden all updates from her.
yessy21 Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Women like men to take charge. U look in that mirror and start warming up dude. and then u r going to pick up that phone and ask her out.
Author somedude81 Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 Women like men to take charge. U look in that mirror and start warming up dude. and then u r going to pick up that phone and ask her out. Never. I'd probably be the 35th guy to ask her out this week.
iris219 Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Never. I'd probably be the 35th guy to ask her out this week. Not possible. That just isn't the reality for women, no matter how hot or popular they are. Most of those guys commenting on FB were probably just friends. And yes, there are men who have female friends who they don't hit on or ask out.
Author somedude81 Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 Not possible. That just isn't the reality for women, no matter how hot or popular they are. Most of those guys commenting on FB were probably just friends. And yes, there are men who have female friends who they don't hit on or ask out. I'm also sure that many of those guys commenting want to sleep with her or date her. Which makes me wonder why she's single. How could she be when she gets so much male attention, unless she wants to be single. Ugh, I need to put my mind on something else.
ThaWholigan Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Never. I'd probably be the 35th guy to ask her out this week. STOP BEING A PUSSY!! Go ask her out man :D:D
iris219 Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 I'm also sure that many of those guys commenting want to sleep with her or date her. Which makes me wonder why she's single. How could she be when she gets so much male attention, unless she wants to be single. Ugh, I need to put my mind on something else. I've never met a woman who wanted to be single. A few pretended they did but they changed their minds quickly when they met the right guy. Anyway, it's no big deal about this girl. You tried and that's great. Moving on!
Lonely Ronin Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 I'm also sure that many of those guys commenting want to sleep with her or date her. You know you can be friends with a good looking woman, and not want to sleep with her or date her right? 1
Nightsky Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 ROFL! She changes her profile picture to her sticking out her tongue and a few hours later she gets 50 likes and 20+ comments from various dudes. It's insane how much attention girls get. FB just makes it easy to see how much they're getting. Needless to say, I'm not going to bother with her any more and have hidden all updates from her. Never. I'd probably be the 35th guy to ask her out this week. Please tell me you "liked" the picture and made comment on it. Something like "Thanks for putting this up and making my day" would have worked. You go ahead and be the 35th guy to ask her out this week. You felt a connection right? She probably felt it too. 1
Author somedude81 Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 An idea of the message to send her that I came up with. " Finals almost over Let’s do something to celebrate! Dining? Dancing? Disaster? We can wreck-it like Ralph. " Note: She really liked Wreck it Ralph 2
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