veggirl Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Personally I would do nothing. If she is anyway interested in you she will respond. If responds and declines, and doesn't offer an alternative date/time/activity then she is not interested in you romantically (at least right now). He didn't even ask her out yet.
Lonely Ronin Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 He didn't even ask her out yet. Jesus, that's even worse. Dude, stop worrying about rather she responds or not, and go do something fun.
Els Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 She's Vietnamese so I'm thinking about asking her if there are any good Vietnamese restaruants in the area and somehow getting her to go to one with me. Sounds like a good idea to me. I'm not sure how well you know this girl and how much you have conversed and about what, so I can't really tell you what would work for your current situation or how to broach it. But it's a good general idea, you just need to play it by feel, and more importantly, take any potential rejection in stride. Your responses towards other rejections are alarmingly dangerous, and this is something that you need to learn to handle.
Els Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 I sent it around 2 and it's 8 now. Yeah it's possible she hasn't seen it yet. I still don't think she'd reply. I'm negative that way. If I don't get a reply from her by Monday or so, should I try to send another message / try to chat with her, or just forget about her? Oh, I just read this. Um, on the new FB you can actually see when they have read it. Not to encourage stalker behaviour or anything... 1
zengirl Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 I wouldn't have sent that message. Teasing works better in person than via IM, in my opinion, and as an OPENER for an IM is annoying to almost every girl I know. Live and learn, not trying to knock you while you're down, just saying. I would send a more direct message, but kind of unclear whether that's a good idea now. Up to you - can't really hurt but may already be too late. Not a chat, but a message (granted, I haven't been on FB for ages, so maybe they've integrated to be the same thing?). A message saying, "Hey, I really wanted to ask you out, but it got away from me. What do you think about grabbing something for dinner on ____________" (set a date/time). If she's at all interested, you can ask if there are any good Vietnamese places to go to. Pussyfooting is a waste of energy. For one thing, it's less attractive to many women when a man is less direct. For another, it's honestly more mental energy on you. You know what you want. Just ask for it. The answer may be yes or no, but honestly, if you ask more clearly, at least you'll spend less time in exhausting mental limbo land. That's part of what makes the rejections worse on you --- you stew in them first for too long. 2
Taramere Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 That's an odd reason for you to constantly be on this messageboard. How have you fared thus far in talking to the women here? I only met one so far, and haven't gotten to pee in her butt yet, but I think I am wearing her down. Let's you and I keep trying, you sly devil. There you go, somedude. The grand opening for your next IM convo with the lucky lady. Start the ball rolling with "How many times must I call you a dork before you'll let me pee in your butt?"
Nightsky Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Start the ball rolling with "How many times must I call you a dork before you'll let me pee in your butt?" I really don't think a message like this can be ignored so if you have the balls send it. Seriously, I need to write this down because it's Taramere gold as always. Did you think this up on your own? Also take Zengirls advice and be more direct and ask girls out instead of so much pussyfooting.
Taramere Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 I really don't think a message like this can be ignored so if you have the balls send it. Seriously, I need to write this down because it's Taramere gold as always. Did you think this up on your own? No, it's an amalgamation of scratch's comment and somedude's "always knew you were a dork" IM opener. Those two must take joint credit for the masterpiece.
Author somedude81 Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 Oh, I just read this. Um, on the new FB you can actually see when they have read it. Not to encourage stalker behaviour or anything... Really? How do you do that? I wouldn't have sent that message. Teasing works better in person than via IM, in my opinion, and as an OPENER for an IM is annoying to almost every girl I know. Live and learn, not trying to knock you while you're down, just saying. I wish I could have figured that out sooner. I posted what I was planning on opening with on 12/7 at 4pm and didn't actually send a message to her until 12/8 at 1pm. If anybody here told me it was a bad idea, I wouldn't have sent it. I would send a more direct message, but kind of unclear whether that's a good idea now. Up to you - can't really hurt but may already be too late. Not a chat, but a message (granted, I haven't been on FB for ages, so maybe they've integrated to be the same thing?). A message saying, "Hey, I really wanted to ask you out, but it got away from me. What do you think about grabbing something for dinner on ____________" (set a date/time). If she's at all interested, you can ask if there are any good Vietnamese places to go to. I wanted to get a rapport going with her first before I just straight up asked her out but I didn't know how to get that started. I used the only thing I could think of and it obliviously wasn't correct. And no, she hasn't replied. Doubt she ever will. Pussyfooting is a waste of energy. For one thing, it's less attractive to many women when a man is less direct. For another, it's honestly more mental energy on you. You know what you want. Just ask for it. The answer may be yes or no, but honestly, if you ask more clearly, at least you'll spend less time in exhausting mental limbo land. That's part of what makes the rejections worse on you --- you stew in them first for too long. I can be direct though I wanted to increase my odds first. If I sent her a message asking her out, she would turn me down 100%. Though if we talked a bit, made her laugh, and then brought up plans to go out with her, I should have a slightly better odds. And of course I know waiting to the last minute was a bad idea and had a very small chance of working.
iris219 Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 I posted what I was planning on opening with on 12/7 at 4pm and didn't actually send a message to her until 12/8 at 1pm. If anybody here told me it was a bad idea, I wouldn't have sent it. Seriously? It's not our job to babysit your every move. FTR, I told you to just ask her out and not bother trying to chit chat.
ThaWholigan Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Forget odds somedude, you don't got time for that - just ask them out. 1
Author somedude81 Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 Forget odds somedude, you don't got time for that - just ask them out. I could ask out half girls that were in my salsa class right now and 100% of them would say no. And I'd be labeled a major creep. Dude, of course you know that women need to be buttered up a little bit before they'd go out with you, unless they were total sluts.
ThaWholigan Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 I could ask out half girls that were in my salsa class right now and 100% of them would say no. And I'd be labeled a major creep. Dude, of course you know that women need to be buttered up a little bit before they'd go out with you, unless they were total sluts. Yeah, I understand - but I'm not about to waste time either. Like zengirl says, you make rejections worse by investing so much in the sxenario before you even ask them out. Sometimes no amount of buttering up will get her to say yes - as I've found out. And as I said in the other thread - at some point, you're gonna have to stop worrying so much about being seen as a creep.
iris219 Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Dude, of course you know that women need to be buttered up a little bit before they'd go out with you, unless they were total sluts. Uh, no. That's just incorrect. 2
Author somedude81 Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 Yeah, I understand - but I'm not about to waste time either. Like zengirl says, you make rejections worse by investing so much in the sxenario before you even ask them out. Sometimes no amount of buttering up will get her to say yes - as I've found out. And as I said in the other thread - at some point, you're gonna have to stop worrying so much about being seen as a creep. All I wanted to do was have one more conversation with her. Then I would be done with her. BTW, I've been wanting to ask this girl out since October. I know that delaying it for so long was a terrible idea. I'm not going to go into the reasons why I did that. They made sense to me at the time, but I realize I screwed up.
Author somedude81 Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 Uh, no. That's just incorrect. What? Sluts need to be buttered up too?
iris219 Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 What? Sluts need to be buttered up too? You need to get rid of the mindset that you have to somehow talk women into or trick them into going out with you. That's not how it works. 1
Author somedude81 Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 You need to get rid of the mindset that you have to somehow talk women into or trick them into going out with you. That's not how it works. Yes it is. Otherwise women would be going out with every single guy that asked her based on the guys looks alone. Guys wouldn't bother trying to have a conversation first, they'd just walk up to her and say, "lets have sex."
ThaWholigan Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 What? Sluts need to be buttered up too? Actually yes . Sluts aren't as "easy" as people say they are. And it's not buttered up actually - if they like you, they like you. Having conversations can either aid that or get in the way. Asking them out just saves time, and you can get to know them while you're out with them, as opposed to having a bunch of meaningless conversations with a view to asking them out like millions of years later. 1
iris219 Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Yes it is. Otherwise women would be going out with every single guy that asked her based on the guys looks alone. Guys wouldn't bother trying to have a conversation first, they'd just walk up to her and say, "lets have sex." Having a conversation with a woman is not the same as trying to trick her into having sex. Maybe it is to you since you only engage with women in the hopes of getting a date or having sex.
veggirl Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Just send the msg Zengirl suggested...it still works in this scenario. Just do it right now and then forget it!!! you already HAD one conversation w/ the girl so it's fine!!
Author somedude81 Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 Having a conversation with a woman is not the same as trying to trick her into having sex. Maybe it is to you since you only engage with women in the hopes of getting a date or having sex. I'm not trying to trick girls into having sex with me! Why do you try to twist my words so much?
Lonely Ronin Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 I'm not trying to trick girls into having sex with me! Why do you try to twist my words so much? butter up, implies manipulation or trickery.
ThaWholigan Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 I'm not trying to trick girls into having sex with me! Why do you try to twist my words so much? I certainly don't think you're out to trick girls, but you should learn to choose your words
Recommended Posts