goldengirl11 Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 I am in my early thirties and looking for hopefully a long term relationship, but the thing is I don't really have a good social life and am not that keen on on-line dating! Is it really the best way to go though? I've had a few dates here and there in the past whuch haven't mounted to anything and find that most of the guys on sites give preference to the slim/skinny girls, so feel there is too much competition. Also the guys who contact me, I don't tend to feel a connection with/am not that attracted to. I suppose I'm also nervous to meet men off the internet too. Thanks for any advice.
FitChick Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 If you are overweight, there are websites that cater to you. Google. Men who are looking for overweight women would be members there.
mysteryscape Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Some people have good luck with it. My experience -- admittedly mostly limited to more "mature" women -- is that females I know who do it drop off after a while out of frustration. If you do it, go into with a skeptical attitude, would be my advice. Don't become emotionally invested in anyone too quickly, because there are a lot of flakes of both sexes -- probably even worse than in real life, where you can usually get a better sense of people than you do online.
Author goldengirl11 Posted December 6, 2012 Author Posted December 6, 2012 Some people have good luck with it. My experience -- admittedly mostly limited to more "mature" women -- is that females I know who do it drop off after a while out of frustration. Sorry how do you mean out of frustration?
mysteryscape Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 They don't find what they're looking for, it's not worth their time. Of course, that doesn't mean the guys are necessarily to blame.
yongyong Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 I am 100% sure, you will get enough replies from guys who are lighter than you (who wouldn't even look at you in public) At first, you will be like 'omg there are a lot of Genuine people here' Eventually you will realize what the Deal is. If a guy stops talking to you after blowing his load OR just want to keep meeting you in his place, you can't blame him. I don't think it's wrong if you just enjoy sleeping with guys there. But if your goal is LTR, make sure to ask them to meet you in busy public places during day time before sleeping with him. What's the first thing I hear from guys who banged a chick they don't like??? 'so you like her huh?' 'are you kidding? I wouldn't even take her out to the coffee shop, it's embarrassing'
Author goldengirl11 Posted December 6, 2012 Author Posted December 6, 2012 If a guy stops talking to you after blowing his load OR just want to keep meeting you in his place, you can't blame him. Are you talking about weight here?
ls32ssibm Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 Are you talking about weight here? I think he means overweight girls get a lot of messages (most are reply selectively on OKC except the very, very grotesque ones) because guys who are just looking to bust a nut figure the bigger girls will be easier to hook up with.
Author goldengirl11 Posted December 7, 2012 Author Posted December 7, 2012 I think he means overweight girls get a lot of messages (most are reply selectively on OKC except the very, very grotesque ones) because guys who are just looking to bust a nut figure the bigger girls will be easier to hook up with. Sorry what does OKC stand for?
suladas Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 Okcupid. The thing most guys have found, me included is a lot of women think they can do so much better then reality when it comes to OLD. I gave it a try a few times with girls I didn't find that attractive just to see if something was there but seems like a waste of time, because any girl that messaged me, or would respond is not someone I have interest in. The odd one that was attractive, was lacking huge in other areas. Not sure what their deal is a lot of the time, maybe it's because there's so many people they think they can do really well, or maybe they get lots of messages from guys they think want a LTR but really want a pump and dump. To even go on a date, or even message most women I felt like it was settling huge.
soccerrprp Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 GIGs plays a big part with many on OLD. I've had some luck, but most are looking for the next better thing and that is disappointing. Not the best way to meet people, but when you're too busy to go out, there's not much else.
NiceGuyDTW Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 GIGs plays a big part with many on OLD. I've had some luck, but most are looking for the next better thing and that is disappointing. Not the best way to meet people, but when you're too busy to go out, there's not much else. This is right on. I've said this before, it's like going to the shopping mall for women. They see something they like, they buy it...when they get bored or feel there is something better, they simply go for the next best thing. I'm sure when there are bunch of guys emailing them, all the attention must make them feel that they are more special than other women. And so, this feeds them the notion that eventually price charming, or man of their dreams will show up. And that they should not settle for what they have, even though it may be great. Reality is, I think, less than 20% of the people on OLD are seriously looking for relationships.
jcrew11 Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 You should join a Catholic church, and ask the priest to match you up with some of the single men. Its probably the safest and easiest scenario if you don't like online dating.
ls32ssibm Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 GIGs plays a big part with many on OLD. I've had some luck, but most are looking for the next better thing and that is disappointing. Not the best way to meet people, but when you're too busy to go out, there's not much else. This time 1000x. I just got done with a stint with a very attractive girl on OKC who didn't want to commit to me because of her vast array of options on the site.
pbjbear Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 (edited) This time 1000x. I just got done with a stint with a very attractive girl on OKC who didn't want to commit to me because of her vast array of options on the site. Just wanted to my put my opinion out there... I used to use online dating- okcupid.com, pof.com, match.com. I recently deleted all my accounts though I have been on a few dates with a guy I met off of okcupid.com but if things dont pan out with him Im not reactivating it. I used okcupid.com the most. Its not just women that do it. I am an attractive female and I dated a few men on that site who I felt I was kind of settling by dating them and they had GIGS as well. All the men I dated off of that site, none of them ever mentioned taking down their profile or becoming exclusive after 2-3 months and I didnt meet up with people who seemed like they wanted hookups/flings. I picked people that listed 'long term dating' as one of their options POF.com is really bad- met a few gems where we didnt connect enough but that site is filled with weirdos, crazy people, guys looking for casual sex, guys lying alot to cover up they want casual sex Match.com is better but its expensive for me and I just didnt have any luck...GIGS on that site too along with other typical dating problems Its the nature of the beast Edited December 7, 2012 by pbjbear
IT Geek Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 GIGs plays a big part with many on OLD. I've had some luck, but most are looking for the next better thing and that is disappointing. Not the best way to meet people, but when you're too busy to go out, there's not much else. Or when you're shy. I have non-generalized SA and am deathly afraid of trying to start up a conversation with someone I'm interested in, must less ask them out. Actually, I have no clue even HOW to try to start a conversation. I'm fine doing public speaking in front of hundreds but not in social situations like the one I mentioned. For people like me, OLD is about the only hope we have.
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 Wow! Such negativity! I tried OLD and loved it! Met some really great guys, some on the periphery of my social circle (i.e. friends of friends), but most were guys I would never have met otherwise, although now it's hilarious to see them in the grocery store, etc. The men I dated were all professionals, highly successful in their careers, mostly athletic, great catches, and looking for something long-term, possibly marriage. Now granted, I was incredibly selective about who I responded to, but no more so than I am with guys in any other setting!. I had one long-term relationship that started during my second week online. We became exclusive after four dates, another shorter term one (four months; exclusive after three dates) and dated many others. In total, I've done about five months of OLD. You can't judge chemistry and connection until you actually meet, but other than that, it was identical to meeting guys in any other venue except you were guaranteed that they were looking to date. I know a lot of people who are living with or married to someone they met via OLD. In fact, I have a friend who met and married her husband via Match back in 1995!! They are still happily married btw. The other thing that I tried for the first time recently was speed dating. Went to two events, had a blast and ended up matching with seven guys. None of those went further than a month. I'm taking a break right now, but if I were to start looking again, I would absolutely start with online dating. It's one of the best ways to meet eligible single men who share your relationship goals and meet some basic criteria. Hope that helps! 1
Ruby Slippers Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 Basically, 90% of the guys on OLD are looking for sex only. If you're looking for more than sex, immediately and without hesitation ignore any guy who mentions or even hints about sex. You can meet some good guys in that remaining 10%. One of my best friends is now engaged to a really great guy she met on OLD.
soccerrprp Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 I'm not entirely against OLD dating of course, I've met some really nice ladies and the currently dating a woman from one of the sites. We've been together 8-months now. The way I see it, people who go through a turn-style of men or women on these things are not solid on what they want in a relationship and likely looking beyond to see what is better. If one is having such success on OLD and still has not committed, especially for the ladies, wouldn't this lead you to wonder if the guys were not in it for the sex...i often hear that most men are in it for the sex...likely. And, of course, it helps to be physically attractive. You won't get many interests if not. And being shy...OLD will only help in the initial process. You'll have to meet that person sooner or later. Good luck.
IT Geek Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 And, of course, it helps to be physically attractive. I guess that's why I've never gotten a response on an OLD site. LOL!
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 You're not alone! I don't know what GIGS or FOO mean either...
GirlontheLam Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 i decided to update my okc profile. and joined POF. On POF, I get a load of messaged from a guy looking for casual sex and trying to masquerade it is looking for a girlfriend. I met another guy who actually met my overall profile, but he was way too boring. I've got some back and forth going with a couple of other people on OKC. Guy #1 who wants a relationship, but wants to be friends first (which is good). We haven't met yet, due to incompatible schedules. But we have exchanged a few calls, and tons of messages at the point. I've messaged another similar guy, who wants to be friend first (good!) we are going on a coffee meet in the next few days! I've exchanged messages with a few more, but nothing concrete yet. I've found so far there is good and bad. I'm going to break this out by race (only because it differs from what happens to me in real life) I am a preppy, sort of geeky, chubby-curvy 34 year old black woman. I tend to get pegged at mid-20s when people guess my age. Real Life: white guys that hit on me are hipsters, usually younger, under 30 black guys that hit on me are either way younger and don't match up well with my interests or are way older professional types, very rarely are they also geeky middle eastern/south asian guys: basically are similar to me profile wise Latinos: all over the map in age and profile Online: white guys: hipsters or older professionals or super alternative types (ear plugs, the whole nine yards) black guys: around my age, also geeky types middle eastern/south asian: missing in action latinos: all over the map My goal with OLD is to expand my social circle, so we'll see it it works!
mysteryscape Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 Remember, those multiple various guys you are interacting with are all doing the same with other women -- don't be surprised when you start to get interested in someone if they do something to burn you. I remember one woman I met online who said I came across as somewhat "reticent and guarded." Well, it eventually turned out that she was in love for months with another man who was completely unable to make up his mind about what he wanted. So basically she had wanted to use me as a backup/future prospect while she was seeing if other guy was going to come around. When I learned all this, my reaction was I had been darn perceptive, knowingly or not, to be "reticent and guarded." When I nexted her, she was kind of miffed. I don't think it ever occurred to her how I felt about things.
soccerrprp Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 shows my ignorance! Grass is Greener...people with too many options/choices are always looking for something better it seems. Looking for where the grass is greener...
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