I'm on the verge of insanity! How do I get through this?

[Embersflame]

I was just dumped by my BF about a month ago. He was acting very strange. Verbally aggressive. Would snap or yell at me at the drop of a hat. Then one day all hell broke lose and he wouldn't talk to me. So I called his ex looking for answers. I thought he was treating me with resentment, like I was in his way. She said they hadn't been talking at all. He cheated on me with her back in July and when I found out he cut all ties with her. But since I called her she decided to call him. And he's still talking to her on a daily basis. He says it was all the fighting but we fought because of how he was treating me. I would accuse him of doing drugs or cheating. When I explain that he then finds other reasons for the his decision. Including that he's not good at relationships and doesn't want the responsability of someone else or their feelings. It's like he's grabbing at the air for more excuses to keep things the way they are now. But he keeps on insisting being friends. Well more than friends. He also said we need to work on each other and maybe down the road we can work things out and try again. But things keep getting worse. My jealousy and anger are out of control. I found out he was doing drugs at the same time I found out they were talking again. It's all too much. We have the same birthday and so much in common it's rediculous. We were best friends before we decided to make it more. And as a result from this I'm seeing a therapist and trying to get on medication. I'm 38 and he's 46. Could all of this be a midlife crisis on his part? I feel used and abused, mentally. I lost everything this summer because of him. My home, my freedom. I have nothing to give now. Perhaps that is the real reason. I just feel like this was all out of the blue, but maybe not. Like I said, he was acting very hostile and mean 2 weeks before he decided to end it. I'm being told by my friends and my therapist to end it completely. To not call him or allow any contact. It's so hard. He was my everything, or so I thought. This is all driving me insane. I know if I keep contact with him I will end up in jail or hurting myself or that other woman. I don't have many friends and the ones I do are sick to death of hearing about it. How do I get over this and move on??? My heart is so broken.

[Toddbt12y1]

First,

 

It is not your fault! Not one single drop of this! Yes, you accuse him(fact is, you where cheated on by him in the past: This probably just caused a gap in trust that hasn't healed.) Second: He is being verbally abuses, and making up excuses for himself.

 

Then he keeps talking to that ex(after she called him, after you called her), that is not right! Nope, not to talk to or stay around or continue with a person whom you cheated with. He is scum. He should learn not to verbally abuse you, and clearly he has no respect for you or your emotions.

 

I know that this is hard, but listen: You are an amazing woman, with a lot to offer. Do not waste all this time, love and what you do have to offer on this scum(and he is scum for verbally abusing you and cheating on you.) Instead, go out with friends or family. Have fun, and enjoy things, even if they are things at home with family/friends.

 

Whatever you do, do something, stay busy, and keep your mind off him(staying busy will keep your mind off of him!) Slowly begin to move on, flirt with random people you might find appealing, or whatever: By doing this, you increase your own confidence again, and can eventually relax, and then see that you are capable of moving on. Do new things, all this helps.

 

But first, know, that none of this was your fault really. This relationship was doomed the moment he decided to cheat on you. Worse, he verbally abuses you. I wouldn't worry about this guy, or let him get to you.

 

/big hugs! Be brave, and try to be active. Hopefully this bumps your post back up, and move people, better than me, help you.

[Toddbt12y1]

Oh yes, and please block this guy, and do not contact him. They are right; you may not be able to see it, but they are. If you keep in contact with him, you will know how he is doing or fairing in other relationships, or whatever else, and it will hurt you.

 

It's hard, but you must stop contact, and never look him up. He victimized you, but you are now victimizing yourself..

[Mcnulty]

Look up codependancy if you;re not aware of it, sounds like you are that.

 

You're being your own worst enemy. Why are you digging more pain for yourself by contacting the woman who he cheated on you with??? She is as bad as him.

 

Not gonna waste words saying leave him alone, NC etc, it's been said, but I think you're mad if you pursue the details of this guy.