heartnsoul Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 Could a lack of conscience be the answer to our situations?? Or is backing away (in a cowardly fashion) an honest approach to dealing with rough patches in life??
Author smile95 Posted September 5, 2005 Author Posted September 5, 2005 heartnsoul-does yours leave and come back?how many times and do you take him....and yes......I believe it is the easy way to easy with stress.
heartnsoul Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 No. This is a first. However, I'm struggling with his disappearing act. That's what brought about my 'concscience' question. We actually met thru a net dating site just about a year ago and kept each other active in our profiles. We spoke via telephone for a couple months and actually met this past March. Everything seemed good. However, after meeting him I began to see the history he had with his ex (relationship ended 2 yrs ago) and it was very ugly. Consequently, throughout our relationship his fears of me leaving were very much a daily concern. Long story short.....w/in a couple days time I noticed him distancing himself from me actually went a week w/out talking and then he called to ask me for 'space'. Two brief conversations after that (still no goodbye) poof, he's gone. It's been 5 weeks.
Author smile95 Posted September 5, 2005 Author Posted September 5, 2005 have you chased him or just given up? I never get a goodbye either.....it is their way of keeping you in limbo to come back....it sux. DO not let it happen. If yu have read, I am a yr later and in the same situation.He has left 7 times now. It takes a toll on you emotionally and inturn, physically. You deserve more.
heartnsoul Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 I didn't chase. He called to ask for the break and I took that as my que to not contact. He then called about a week and a half later with 'Why haven't you called me" that question kinda took me aback cuz he'd asked for the break to begin with. My pride would not allow me to 'chase', ya know? I think it's either an effort to (like you stated) keep the door open or a simple cowardly 'can't face her' act. I know that I/we do deserve better!! I'm just holding onto the opportunity for a phone call....not even at this point regarding anykind of reconciliation becuz the hurt has been soooo intense. I just want somekind of acknowledgement of his wrong doing. We experienced something together (something pretty intense) and this is how he regards me after the fact. If you can't tell, I'm angry girl today (I'm sorry) lol He did however apologize for bringing me into 'his mess' so I know there has to be some kind of 'awareness' on his part. The whole thing just sux! For what it's worth...I'm sorry that you're going thru this too (with much more time invested, mind you)
Author smile95 Posted September 5, 2005 Author Posted September 5, 2005 funny....mine said the same thing about his mess......my ex was in the middle of a divorce with a child and his work life is CRAZY! If his "mess" is like my exes, he is confused. That is just my opinion. I try not to wit around for the phone, but I still secretly hope that he will call eventho I know I cannot go back. I am miserable really. With him and without. For us, he could not give me all of him now and I could not just be friends, so he just stopped talking to me -whatever. If the past indicates what he will do next, I feel one day he will call, but this time I have to change the outcome.
heartnsoul Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 If the past indicates what he will do next, I feel one day he will call, but this time I have to change the outcome. Chances are, he will call. You're 100% right, you have to change the outcome. It's about gaining control of the situation. Feeling like a victim is the worst feeling in the world and I know it's in our power to change that. I'm waiting on that "epiphany" that we ALL experience at one time or another. Until then, taking it one day at a time will do.
upsetnhurt Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 Beth, Hope you are having a great day. I read a great post awhile ago in which someone said their ex must be confused because of their actions and the resulting advice was that they were not the ones who were confused it was ourselves who were in a state of confusion. Thoughts?
Author smile95 Posted September 5, 2005 Author Posted September 5, 2005 I know he is confused, however, I know 100% I am confused.......I know there is a deeper meaning as to why I cannot let go of him. I believe it may be partly that I have mentally built this man up so much that this "made up" person is the ideal man and that is why I cannot let go. The other part is I am almost 30 yrs old and I am so afriad I will never fall i nlove again. I want a family mor than anything and for the 3 yrs with the ex, I had that in my future and in my head. Now that is gone...I feel kinda like I am starting all over. To answer the question.....yes, I am confused as well. VERY. Was that the question? Or were you asking if I was confusing to me ex?
upsetnhurt Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 You answered my question beth . I found that advice so enlightening when I read it as I finally concluded that I was the one confused. I sit around like you beth and feel the same way in terms of my future hopes. I invested lots into my ex gf and enjoyed thinking about the potential down the road....it gave me lots of comfort to know I was getting closer to those goals. Without her I am back to square one and am of the opinion I may never get there. If they only knew what they lost !
Author smile95 Posted September 5, 2005 Author Posted September 5, 2005 Glad(well not glad) that someone else can relate. I put ALL my hopes in him. He provoked that way of thinking for me too. I guess in a sense he led me on. It just seems like so much work to invest time in someone else and gt to know them. I do not want to be alone, but I do not want this to happen to me again. Maybe I am letting go of dreams and not so much him. One day they will see what they lost! Do not say you will never get there. We both will hopefully look back and see all this time wasted on them was silly and that we are fulfilling our dreams with soeone deserving. Do you have bad and good days? Do you know or can you recognize what constitutes your ups and downs. I am trying to figure it out to avoid whatever makes me sad. Today was no help looking at wedding gowns for my sister-lol
upsetnhurt Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 I rarely have had a good day over the last two months.......I do recognize the ups and downs and for the most part have downers rationalized relatively quickly. Even today for the most part was good until that one thought pops into my mind of her......I miss that smile of hers! I am a lost cause yet will presevere and so will all of the LS'ers.
heartnsoul Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 http://www.asktheinternettherapist....elationship.asp
upsetnhurt Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 Did I miss something heartnsoul? I tried the link to no avail......
heartnsoul Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 http://www.asktheinternettherapist.com/counselingarchive-end-of-a-relationship.asp
Author smile95 Posted September 6, 2005 Author Posted September 6, 2005 wow that link made me feellike what I am feeling is ok! Thanks
heartnsoul Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 That may be extreme BUT, If YOU feel it, it is OK
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