Justaguy1981 Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 We have a wonderful 3 month old who for the most part is a very content, happy baby. During my wifes pregnancy we started having problems getting along so we decided to go to marriage counseling to get on the same page before the baby was born . Well we are "still" going ? But my current issue/question is why my wife is always putting her anger from any of the days worries, mishaps, or aggravations on me , its always all my fault . I ask daily if there is anything she wants me to do to help out with baby, house, ect.... Always to be told nope all good but then she gets home from work and is overwhelmed with everything she has to do but by then im leaving for work ! This cycle is making her seem mad at the world everyday to the point of her and i being on edge and her lacking patients for our son ? Is this a phase , tell me what you think ?
standtall Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Stop asking her if she needs help and just do......not to the point where it looks controlling, but enough to honestly and sincerely help out.
Balzac Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Anger and feeling overwhelmed are symptoms of depression. Be observant and do some screening of her. Congrats on your baby boy!
CarboniteCammy Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Giving birth is really hard on women. I just gave birth five months ago, and my body is still changing. My hormones are also still fluxing and it has been a tough row to hoe. For about two months after the birth, I felt like I had been in a car accident. You should *really* cut your wife some slack. Mothers, especially working mothers, have a VERY very difficult job and as a husband/father, you need to man up and get in there and do *your* part to make her life better. Do not act like you are a guest in your own home. Do not WAIT for her to nag you to get something done. That makes her feel like an a$$ and it also makes her feel like you are not being proactive. Take part in the daily activities that you see her do with out being asked. OFFER to change the baby. OFFER to feed the baby. Dress the baby. Bathe the baby. OR, if that's something she'd rather do, then do the dishes. Make supper. Throw a load of laundry in. Wrap some Christmas presents. Vacuum. Better yet, rather then fighting about all of this, sit down and divvy up chores so that everyone has a more equal share. Plus, that way, you'll KNOW that your job is to do laundry or make the dinner or change the baby. 2
darkmoon Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 (edited) take turns doing the middle-of-the-night feed, she's been sleep-deprived til now, exhausted yeah and just do what you see needs doing as housework laundry vacuuming cooking cleaning, child number two will be easier then Edited December 6, 2012 by darkmoon
Author Justaguy1981 Posted December 7, 2012 Author Posted December 7, 2012 take turns doing the middle-of-the-night feed, she's been sleep-deprived til now, exhausted yeah and just do what you see needs doing as housework laundry vacuuming cooking cleaning, child number two will be easier then I go to work at 9pm and dont get home till 8am , she works from 8am to 5pm ? 1
Author Justaguy1981 Posted December 7, 2012 Author Posted December 7, 2012 I offer every chance i get , she doesnt want my help, two nights ago upon saying to her " why dont u let me help? If ur so overwhelmed why dont u take my offers to do more ?" She fires back " i never asked for ur f***king help !! I just walked away to end the fight . I have to start a fight or be a dick to keep her from coming up and trying to take over whatever task i am doing around house or catch hell for not doing anything ? Im between a rock and a hard place here .
Balzac Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 From your description it sounds like she cannot compromise on control. She's thusfar unable to prioritize her wants as a new parent. You cannot fix this but you can support her to acknowledge it, desire to change it. Her unwillingness to change may test the very fabric of your relationship. There are many physical tasks you can do. The dynamic you describe of her being chief of operations and unwilling to delegate is not uncommon. You play your own part in that dynamic. I see this as a marital problem, a threat to your relationship. Getting her to communicate may be problematic. Don't give up.
movingon12 Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 It's very probably post natal depression. Discuss with her if she wants to see someone about it - or if you think she won't respond well to that suggestion, start making your own enquires about sources of help/support. Your counsellor may even be able to point you in the right direction. As for around the house, like someone said, write a list of chores you will do, tell her what they are and just DO them. If she seems to need control of baby things, then you need to take over some other things. She may still be resistant at first but if you DO it rather than first asking her what to do or asking whether you *should* do it, it would help.
shayla Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 If she is a first time mother, she may be having a hard time just letting go and allowing you to help her. She is taking it all on herself when it is not necessary. Don't ask her, don't offer, just do things and let her complain about it. In time she will calm down. Put on a load of laundry, make dinner before she comes home from work, give her some time to unplug after getting home to bridge the gap between work and home. Do things while she is at work, if she wants to complain, so be it. Hopefully in time the hormones will calm down.
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