Aykay Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Hey guys, I've never really done something like this before, but I don't really have anyone to talk to in person that's dealing with something like I am now. I'm 22 years old, turning 23 in January. When I was 18 years old, I met a girl who was in my High School. I went to a really small school, and there were probably only about 120 kids in the entire school. The girl was a freshman at the time, so she was 15. We ended up going to prom, ended up dating, and had a good start to the relationship. At the end of the year, I went off to school about 45 minutes away. I came home every weekend to see her, and things were still going great. We stayed together for almost 2 years, before some bad blood came up. I got suspicious she was cheating on me, and got snoopy and found out she was. She denied all of this until I finally got him and the guy together and she finally came clean. She lead me on even after this, and I let myself get used. We didn't talk for almost 2 years, no contact at all. In the fall of 2011, she texted me out of nowhere and we started talking again. She said she was coming to the same school I was at, and we basically hit it off just like we did the first time. It had been years since what happened before and I had basically forgiven everything. We got along great, and started dating again. It felt so right to have her back in my life, and things couldn't be better. We spent so much time together going to parties, we had a rich social circle and we were a pair. We did everything together, homework, drinking, anything you can think of. At the end of the spring semester in 2012, I moved about 2 hours away for a summer job. We talked on the phone every night, and I came back every weekend to see her. Things couldn't be better. At the end of the summer, she said she was going to be living with a few girls that my best friend's girlfriend used to live with. These girls were party animals and notorious for being slutty and obnoxious. I had my say and protested a bit, but she assured me that she was her own person and nothing would be a problem. Another one of her friends had been in a relationship for years when she came to school. The guy was making tons of money and treated her like a queen, but she started screwing around with a football player and dumped her boyfriend. This made me uncomfortable because I know how girls are, and I know she would want someone on her side. Fast forward to august. Things started getting salty for me, because she started spending a lot more time with her friends and less with me. There is nothing wrong with this, except that the things she were doing seemed wrong to me. She would go with her friends to football parties and spend a lot of time around guys I didn't know. She would always have guys texting her, and I would ask how they had her number, and she would always say that it's on facebook and anyone can get it. I didn't argue much, but eventually there was one guy in particular that I saw asking her to hang out, and I saw on a facebook message that she had given him his number. I didn't think a whole lot of it, but I was at my girl's house one night, outside. Her and her friends came home, and didn't know I was sitting outside. I overheard someone say "remember when he was over here the other night?" and my girlfriend responded with "shhh!!" I confronted her about this, and she said she just didn't want me to be mad and they just chilled in the living room. A week or so later, she said she was going to a party but was coming over after they left. It was 3 in the morning and I called her asking what the hell she was doing, and she said she was still coming. I told her to forget it, and went to sleep. I couldn't take it anymore, so I started confronting her about everything. She said she needed some space, and broke up with me. The first week, she wanted to see me and texted me constantly. I should have just ignored her, and moved on, but I can't change that now. We started to talk less and less. A few months later, we started to hang out a little bit, and she asked me if I knew how to get a program that could take a text conversation off an Iphone and put it on a computer. I did, and she took a convo from her friend and put it on her computer. During this time, I had been asking if she had moved on or was seeing anyone, and she said no she hadn't had sex and wasn't talking to anyone. I was really skeptical. My gut told me she was lying, and so I went onto her computer one night while she was sleeping and found out she had been having sex with atleast one guy, and talking to a few others. Before I did this she had started to spend more time with me, and everything seemed cool, but it didn't feel right. I confronted her, and she continued to deny most things. She turned it on me, saying I had no right to look through her stuff and that I was awful for doing so. I found out she has been seeing the same guy she had been talking to months before. So here we are, I'm still talking to her and letting her see me. What is she doing? She claims to always want to be here, texts me all day, tells me she loves me, but it just doesn't feel the same. I feel like she just wants to have someone to be comfortable with, and I can't be that person anymore. I want all of her, and I don't feel like I'm getting it. What should I be doing guys?
todreaminblue Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 (edited) Hey guys, I've never really done something like this before, but I don't really have anyone to talk to in person that's dealing with something like I am now. I'm 22 years old, turning 23 in January. What should I be doing guys? If she was serious as you are she wouldnt be doing these questionable things to you.....she has come clean in the past and will probably do so again and again and again....coming clean should mean you want to stop you see what you have done is wrong....and not repeat....youi are young as is she doesnt make any difference when you are meant to be exclusive its a pattern with your girlfriend that needs a break.....and i am sorry to say a break up for good.....she is nto serious about you.....you don't ask for guys numbers or give out your number to other guys while seeing someone in an exclusive relationship..thats just realism..she isnt ready or seems to be mature enough for that exclusive relationship..and obviously is playing that football field..move on and find the right girl who has the same wishes as you......good luck.....deb Edited December 6, 2012 by todreaminblue
Author Aykay Posted December 6, 2012 Author Posted December 6, 2012 I do understand what you mean. We are both young, and she is much younger than me still. I guess part of me is looking for a complete understanding of the situation.
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 You're in different life stages. She's a college kid having fun and letting it all hang out before she has to grow up and deal with the real world. You're an adult in that real world now. You're acting like her parent by telling her who she shouldn't live with, disapproving of the friends she chooses, and snooping through her stuff to see what else she might be up to. You don't trust her, and you're behaving as if she is incapable of making decent judgements without your intervention and guidance. So she has resorted to treating you as a parent, rather than a boyfriend. She puts on her good girl side for you, then makes a charade of it with her friends. Neither of you respects the other. You don't respect her, her personal boundaries, or her choices. She no longer respects you because of your controlling behavior. When respect is gone. The relationship is dead. Period. You can drag out the torture by continuing to try to control her, but she no longer really cares. It's over.
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