Do most players mistrust the opposite sex?

[Woggle]

One common trait I see in all the men I know who are players is that deep down many are misogynists. They don't say it but most don't trust women and I have known some guys to become players after being hurt or having their heart broken. The same seems to go for female players as well. There is very much a beat them at their own game and get them before they get you mentality.

 

I am not talking about people who just have casual sex and do it honestly but people who play games and manipulate people. They seem to think they are winning something though I can't figure what exactly they are winning. If you just want to have sex or have an open relationship just find somebody else who wants the same thing instead of lying.

[2sunny]

Yep. They don't trust because of their own history. They portray that same behavior to others.

 

A waste of energy!

 

They think they are fooling people - but they aren't! They will only attract like minded peeps (generally).

[MrCastle]

Anyone who has to lie for anything, not just sex, has issues.

[Woggle]

Yep. They don't trust because of their own history. They portray that same behavior to others.

 

A waste of energy!

 

They think they are fooling people - but they aren't! They will only attract like minded peeps (generally).

 

Their own history and sometimes what happens to them. I have known so many men who have been cheated on or had their hearts broken and just become heartless players after that and I am sure many women do the same thing. It supports my theory that players are trying to get back at the opposite sex.

[2sunny]

Their own history and sometimes what happens to them. I have known so many men who have been cheated on or had their hearts broken and just become heartless players after that and I am sure many women do the same thing. It supports my theory that players are trying to get back at the opposite sex.

 

Well - they're just putting their anger onto someone new instead of THEMSELF.

[sweetjasmine]

They seem to think they are winning something though I can't figure what exactly they are winning. If you just want to have sex or have an open relationship just find somebody else who wants the same thing instead of lying.

 

IMO, they're trying to win back control. If it's an open, honest exchange, then you don't have control over someone else and you don't have control over the situation. You don't get to call all of the shots and you don't get to decide what the other person knows, since in an open, honest exchange, you're on equal footing. The whole player thing a power game for most, I think.

[CptObvious]

Trusting another human being? That's just absurd.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Player is such a bad generalization it's hard to know what people are talking about because it can be in reference to so many types of guys, like every guy who sleeps with more than one woman, or has a piss of charisma or charm is titled one or even if he "tried to get in my pants but I know he gets around" so yay me I resisted a "player"...like wtf?

 

Every idiot or douchebag looking for sex that is as transparent as a jellyfish gets called a player because he's drunkenly stumbled over to your table, drooled on your shoulder and asked you if you wanted to f@ck tonight.

 

Or it's the guy who "everyone knows is a player" because he always hooks up with women or has "good luck" with them. Yet the guy isn't exactly lying and manipulating people if everyone knows he's a "player" right? And how can you even prove he is lying or manipulating anyone? So let me get this straight if one guy lies and the other doesn't that means he's not a player? HA! joke on you. And chances are, I'd bet my left nut he's lying about something...don't be a fool because human being f@cking lie...even the "saints", sometimes if not often they are the worst!

 

So do players mistrust the opposite sex? sure! so are women who mistrust men players too though? hardly, right.

 

Men who have trust issues hurt women just like women hurt men who have trust issues.

 

And commitment issues, that good ole sabotaging of a relationship when things get too serious or static...uh oh, the other person actually wants to be with me instead of having to chase them around, game is over, time to f@ck **** up because this guy isn't edgy or daring and exciting.

 

And emotional issues....let's not trust anyone or invest too much, I'm going to have super high walls up and let no one in then blame everyone else for not connecting with me and being imperfect and not worthy because the truth is I don't want to get hurt, so I'll just control the environment around me, and make sure I never open up too much of my vulnerable self so I don't get all hurt. Anything to save me.

 

But if you're not "trying" to hurt anyone and had good intentions, clearly that makes it ok and the other person hurts much less over that.

 

So what are these so called "players" that people mostly talk about on these forums? they're just regular guys with issues just like everyone else. Except some of these men lie and manipulate women with complete disregard to get what they want, woohoo big surprise there...why? because it's pretty damn effective when there are a lot of naive and gullible women out (especially young ones) that want to believe just about anything nice and charming that comes out of a mans mouth because they so desperately want to be in love with a man because all their wildest dreams will come true like in the movies and the man recognizes this obvious in your face sign, and some just simply say "oook I can do that, to get what I want"...if a man doesn't succeed with not lying, and he succeeds with lying what do you think this guy is going to do? if a guy succeeds without lying because he has to then why would that guy lie? but you think that guy wouldn't lie if he couldn't get laid at all? oh I'm sure, many men are totally going to take the high road and would rather instead die virgins if they didn't meet their true love, that would totally realistically happen.

 

You know how many guys I've met that never lied to a woman about his feelings?....wait a minute, let me get a calculator...carry the.., add this, subtract that, divide that by..place this decimal here, hmm now there, I got it folks...it's a big fat 0!

 

Do all men do that? I think they do it to varying degrees...but c'mon people lets be realistic, you ever met a person that never lied? you ever met someone completely delusional and said they were one thing and they were exactly the opposite of that if not the worst? like not a liar? you'd have to be a fool to take things at face value or someones word for it.

 

Now what I want to know is...who here completely trusts the opposite sex?

 

I didn't think so!

 

"Anyone who has to lie for anything, not just sex, has issues."

 

The main reason this statement is true is because everybody has issues.

[KungFuJoe]

When I think of friends I have (or had) that slept with a lot of women, they did have bad girlfriend/wife experiences prior.

 

One guy, who slept with anything that walked, had a daughter with an ex that he was DESPERATELY trying to get back together with. He would occasionally, have ex sex with her and he once told me that she wasn't as tight as she used to be and he knows she's been having sex with other guys and it drove him crazy. Long story short, he eventually got back together with her, got her pregnant, and last time I spoke to him, he was proudly proclaiming how he cheats on her because she's too fat and pregnant to have sex. He was a cool guy but he had seriously gone some place dark...he was into drugs as well so that definitely didn't help.

 

Other guy, who is my best guy friend currently and I love him to death and he's an awesome guy...but his first wife (whom he has two daughters with) cheated on him when she was pregnant with his 2nd daughter. He smacked her, she called the cops and he spent two weeks in jail. They got divorced and for a few years after that he was pretty bad...sleeping around a lot, cheating on his very loyal girlfriend, etc. etc. I kept telling him to stop cheating but I could tell he was still trying to "get back" at his ex. Eventually he stopped, and he married that gf of his and they are happy, but their relationship is not very "conventional". She pretty much allows him to sleep with other women as long as it's just for sex. But I dunno if she really is ok with it or if she feels it's the only way to keep him.

[bac]

 

I am not talking about people who just have casual sex and do it honestly but people who play games and manipulate people. They seem to think they are winning something though I can't figure what exactly they are winning. If you just want to have sex or have an open relationship just find somebody else who wants the same thing instead of lying.

 

No one wants to be used as a sex object unless they have no sexual experiences. Everyone wants to believe that they have some value as human beings even players do.

Therefore, it is a must to play games if you want to get laid casually.

 

IMO There are many people who think that they want an open relationship.

But, IRL, to find a person for a long-term(more then 3-4 intercourses) open R is kind of impossible.

[mickleb]

Player is such a bad generalization it's hard to know what people are talking about because it can be in reference to so many types of guys, like every guy who sleeps with more than one woman, or has a piss of charisma or charm is titled one or even if he "tried to get in my pants but I know he gets around" so yay me I resisted a "player"...like wtf?

 

Every idiot or douchebag looking for sex that is as transparent as a jellyfish gets called a player because he's drunkenly stumbled over to your table, drooled on your shoulder and asked you if you wanted to f@ck tonight.

 

Or it's the guy who "everyone knows is a player" because he always hooks up with women or has "good luck" with them. Yet the guy isn't exactly lying and manipulating people if everyone knows he's a "player" right? And how can you even prove he is lying or manipulating anyone? So let me get this straight if one guy lies and the other doesn't that means he's not a player? HA! joke on you. And chances are, I'd bet my left nut he's lying about something...don't be a fool because human being f@cking lie...even the "saints", sometimes if not often they are the worst!

 

So do players mistrust the opposite sex? sure! so are women who mistrust men players too though? hardly, right.

 

Men who have trust issues hurt women just like women hurt men who have trust issues.

 

And commitment issues, that good ole sabotaging of a relationship when things get too serious or static...uh oh, the other person actually wants to be with me instead of having to chase them around, game is over, time to f@ck **** up because this guy isn't edgy or daring and exciting.

 

And emotional issues....let's not trust anyone or invest too much, I'm going to have super high walls up and let no one in then blame everyone else for not connecting with me and being imperfect and not worthy because the truth is I don't want to get hurt, so I'll just control the environment around me, and make sure I never open up too much of my vulnerable self so I don't get all hurt. Anything to save me.

 

But if you're not "trying" to hurt anyone and had good intentions, clearly that makes it ok and the other person hurts much less over that.

 

So what are these so called "players" that people mostly talk about on these forums? they're just regular guys with issues just like everyone else. Except some of these men lie and manipulate women with complete disregard to get what they want, woohoo big surprise there...why? because it's pretty damn effective when there are a lot of naive and gullible women out (especially young ones) that want to believe just about anything nice and charming that comes out of a mans mouth because they so desperately want to be in love with a man because all their wildest dreams will come true like in the movies and the man recognizes this obvious in your face sign, and some just simply say "oook I can do that, to get what I want"...if a man doesn't succeed with not lying, and he succeeds with lying what do you think this guy is going to do? if a guy succeeds without lying because he has to then why would that guy lie? but you think that guy wouldn't lie if he couldn't get laid at all? oh I'm sure, many men are totally going to take the high road and would rather instead die virgins if they didn't meet their true love, that would totally realistically happen.

 

You know how many guys I've met that never lied to a woman about his feelings?....wait a minute, let me get a calculator...carry the.., add this, subtract that, divide that by..place this decimal here, hmm now there, I got it folks...it's a big fat 0!

 

Do all men do that? I think they do it to varying degrees...but c'mon people lets be realistic, you ever met a person that never lied? you ever met someone completely delusional and said they were one thing and they were exactly the opposite of that if not the worst? like not a liar? you'd have to be a fool to take things at face value or someones word for it.

 

Now what I want to know is...who here completely trusts the opposite sex?

 

I didn't think so!

 

"Anyone who has to lie for anything, not just sex, has issues."

 

The main reason this statement is true is because everybody has issues.

 

Sorry. I know this thread had died and all, but I read this the other day and it bothered me.

 

What you are saying here, ninja, seems to contradict your signature. What's the point in aiming to get 'the respect you deserve' if we're all just lying to each other all the time, anyway?

 

You seem to be saying that all relationships are a sham.

[pbjbear]

I have found players, women or men, to be narcissistic. Everyone is selfish a little bit but narcissistic people have high levels of selfishness.

 

Sometimes a player has past bad experiences but not always.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I have found players, women or men, to be narcissistic. Everyone is selfish a little bit but narcissistic people have high levels of selfishness.

 

Sometimes a player has past bad experiences but not always.

 

I agree - but a lot of them are misogynists whether they had bad experiences or not. I think that most of those resent and fear women so they feel the need to try to have control over any of them that they possibly can, as has already been mentioned.

 

My definition of player is somebody who PLAYS GAMES - manipulates - to get what they want; "users." That's a lot different from a person who is openly out to enjoy casual sexual encounters with various people - honestly.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Sorry. I know this thread had died and all, but I read this the other day and it bothered me.

 

What you are saying here, ninja, seems to contradict your signature. What's the point in aiming to get 'the respect you deserve' if we're all just lying to each other all the time, anyway?

 

You seem to be saying that all relationships are a sham.

 

I'm deluding the lines to make people question and think about their labels and ideals about things, a lot of things get put into a box with the label slapped on it to simplify their anger, frustration or disappointment in things. Sometimes I just want people to think about what they are really saying and reading into, to be able to distinguish the differences...that's why sometimes my post are more to flip things upside down or derail them for the purpose of thought instead of concrete explanation. Especially when it comes to vague overgeneralized definitions.

[ThaWholigan]

I'm deluding the lines to make people question and think about their labels and ideals about things, a lot of things get put into a box with the label slapped on it to simplify their anger, frustration or disappointment in things. Sometimes I just want people to think about what they are really saying and reading into, to be able to distinguish the differences...that's why sometimes my post are more to flip things upside down or derail them for the purpose of thought instead of concrete explanation. Especially when it comes to vague overgeneralized definitions.

You do this too!