Estate Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 IME, when a guy likes you, you don't have to put much, if any effort to get to a date. This guy is playing games with you! Good god I could never date a girl like this... infact I've cut dates short because of this. Awful Awful attitude. Look, I'm not saying you won't get guys this way. But you won't get quality guys. If you want a guy who gets 1 date a year and will cling to your every word to impress you, yeah, he'll keep chasing after being shown such disrespect. But if you want a really good quality, confident guy... this tactic is BS. If he likes you, he'll make an effort. If you like him, make some effort too... if you don't. Let him go. Man, all these BS games... seriously? Why? Women play this BS and then wonder why a guy doesn't call! Because you were WRECKING HIS HEAD WITH GAMES!
Carenth Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 I couldn't agree more about the mutual respect thing. I'm happy to chase after a girl initially (or them chase me) but if I get mind games in return I lose interest very, very quickly.
pbjbear Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 The best way to define chasing when it comes to dating, is to base it off of who is initiating contact & doing the planning. It varies depending on the individuals involved, but if either is initiating/planning 100% of the time, they are definitely chasing. For me if I'm initiating contact more than ~70% of the time, that's to much, and I'll just walk away. I know it can take a woman a little while to feel comfortable around me, but if she doesn't start initiating/planing after a couple dates then I'm gone. I agree with this. I usually let a guy ask me out the first 3 dates, not because I think thats how it should be but thats the best way I have personally found to find a guy who actually has interest in me. After that I start doing some initiating. Interestingly, some men disappear at that point
Author Candle037 Posted December 7, 2012 Author Posted December 7, 2012 I did think it was odd when he started talking about girls he knows and that they wanted kids right away and wanted to own homes when they met guys. It was a very off topic conversation as before this I was talking about how much I liked my job and how much fun I am having. Perhaps he's really bitter about women. I did ask him if he was talking about himself and he did say yes. To think of it now it was off and he also had a conversation with me on how girls dont appreciate what he does for a living and I was like how old are these girls? I said they must be stupid and also he makes good money. It is a very odd thing to say especially how this came out of nowhere. Sounds like hes really hurt or jaded against women and its unfortunate because Im not bitter and very open and accepting person. Ive gotten a lot of perspective from this chat. I am confused still a bit and it has been 2 months now. He should have asked me out again really. I think were starting to become friends at work only. I don't think I should put anymore time in this and if he asks me its worth a conversation to pick his brain but if he doesn't then its his loss. Ive got a lot going for me and their are other guys asking me out but Ive politely declined as I am not interested.
pbjbear Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 Candle I would let it go and not pursue him. He does sound jaded. I have dated a ton of guys (30+) yet still have never had a boyfriend. I live in NYC where every guy I meet, even the ones that seem genuine and different, view women as sex toys because any type of guy can get sex whenever he wants (big surplus of women in NYC, every guy can play the field...very few men with those options want something REAL unless its with someone out of their league) If there are men that arent like this, I havent met them. So yes- Im jaded However I NEVER bring up this stuff early in dating and even later in dating, I dont give my opinion unless asked. Yet, I have had several guys say stuff to me like this in the beginning and its not a good thing. Most likely hes not interested and even if he was, his attitude being voiced all the time would get old and wear on you...you would always feel you're not good enough
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