Candle037 Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Looking for opinion into what is going on with me and this guy I work with. We flirt alot we laugh he asked me what I was doing the weekend of and my phone rings......I get interrupted from him asking me out. He leaves and the conversation wasn't picked up. A few weeks later one of his friends is fishing around with me to see if I am single and I tell them yes and they said that they thought I was seeing someone and I said were done. I didn't think about it much but conveniently the next day the guy I like needs a ride to the mechanic to get his car out of the shop. Im really excited to help him out and on the ride there he asks alot of really pointed questions about where I am from and about my family backround as I am from eastern Canada. He asks why alot and I explain alot in a 30 minute car ride. He then talks about how girls he knows like to jump into things to fast with owning a house and having kids. He said in due time but it is 0 to 60 too fast right away. I questioned if we were talking about him and he said yes. He also said that women don't appreciate what he does for a living. I asked how old these women are and he said 27-35. I told him that its 5 years education in his trade and plus he makes good money and these women should know better. I do not let on anything about myself or what I am looking for during this conversation. So.......2 weeks later I ask him out to our christmas party and he says no he is keeping the night open. Not only was I rejected but he was rude to me. I am so confused as to why he is still after this continually flirting with me and engaging me in conversation and I am just ignoring him and my friends tell me that he stares at me (not in a creepy way). I ignore him entirely and continue my work and avoid eye contact. I am not rude to him but I keep it very brief. So its been a few weeks and he is still flirting with me alot even though I have ignored him entirely. Hes still finding lots of ways to talk with me. I can't ignore him anymore hes just too charming and good looking. He always has this huge smile on his face when he sees me. Advise please help! Why isn't he asking me out?
Carenth Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 He didn't offer another time when you asked him out? I would take that as a serious hint he isn't interested. People can be charming and not interested in you.. some people are just like that.
pbjbear Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Many men will post here and say otherwise...but my opinion is if a guy is interested in you he will show it. All the men I chased (when I was younger) never grew to like me as much as I liked them I blame biology for this 3
Carenth Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 On another note Guys in general are pretty dense and he may of not wanted to go to the party for many reasons (and probably didn't pick up on your romantic intentions). A) didn't know anyone at the party besides you. B) didn't feel like going out. C) it's at a location that isn't good for them. D) it's at a time that isn't good for them. E) all of the above. The amount of female friends I know who "ask guys out" by asking them to group events and then get shot down is quite amazing because as I said most guys will just see it as it is an invitation to a party nothing else. The results usually are quite different if the said girl asked guy out for dinner one on one but most of my female friends will never do that (because it's the mans job to be rejected). The amount of girls that ask me out to parties is... a lot and generally I don't go unless I know other people there and I wouldn't know one way or the other if they were inviting me because they like me or not I take the invitation on face value.
todreaminblue Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 I dont know why he isn't asking you out,if you want to ask him out ask him again if he rejects you then move on........open a convo with him and see where it goes if you feel comfortable enough ask him out......he may even ask you out......flirting is confusing........i normally no matter how scared i am of doing it go jugular..... and say hey i need to tell you that i have feelings for you other than friendship ..and then if it is apostive response i would suggest spending soem time and have some fun to get to know each other.with this dotn mean sheet action..just time adn hopefully good times...kamikaze all the way......at least you know where you stand then....and it is freaking awkward....lol......well has been for me......but im not a game player would rather have fun not fooling around with peoples emotions....flirting is also open to misinterpetation by both parties...............deb
Carenth Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Many men will post here and say otherwise...but my opinion is if a guy is interested in you he will show it. All the men I chased (when I was younger) never grew to like me as much as I liked them I blame biology for this My current girlfriend chased me and I love her to bits, hell I'm even considering moving countries to be with her.
Author Candle037 Posted December 6, 2012 Author Posted December 6, 2012 My best friend who works with us is sure he is crazy about me but can't understand why he isn't trying to ask me out again. I wish I didn't get interrupted! The spark that happens when he is around is incredibly noticeable. My friend was like he has to ask you out and each day I really try to look good and talk to him but I freeze up and he is a very confident guy so Im still like why not ask me out? Also its been 2 months since he orginally asked what I was doing on the weekend when my work phone rang. When I asked him out to the Christmas party my friend also mentioned I was not direct enough and she said that since it is a company party it might not be his thing to get to know me with every coworker around. He did not offer to go out with me another time. When I see him its like hes thinking about something and just freezes and walks away. This happens on occasion. He is also a very honest and direct person who says whats on his mind but is courteous about it and not rude. I don't want to put myself out on a limb again shouldn't he get that I'm sending all the right signals to ask again? I mean he did ask in the first place.
truth_seeker Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 You're ignoring him the best you can and you wonder why he's not asking you out? Are you serious?! How about smiling, talking with him, and just maybe he will see that as a sign that you're open to his advances. 1
Carenth Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 (edited) My best friend who works with us is sure he is crazy about me but can't understand why he isn't trying to ask me out again. I wish I didn't get interrupted! The spark that happens when he is around is incredibly noticeable. My friend was like he has to ask you out and each day I really try to look good and talk to him but I freeze up and he is a very confident guy so Im still like why not ask me out? Also its been 2 months since he orginally asked what I was doing on the weekend when my work phone rang. When I asked him out to the Christmas party my friend also mentioned I was not direct enough and she said that since it is a company party it might not be his thing to get to know me with every coworker around. He did not offer to go out with me another time. When I see him its like hes thinking about something and just freezes and walks away. This happens on occasion. He is also a very honest and direct person who says whats on his mind but is courteous about it and not rude. I don't want to put myself out on a limb again shouldn't he get that I'm sending all the right signals to ask again? I mean he did ask in the first place. Pro tip: Your friend is not him and probably has no ****ing clue what he is thinking the amount of times "friends" have tried to guess what was going through my head and it ends up coming back to me later that someone liked me and I had no idea. Guys don't pick up on subtle things like girls do and asking him out to the company party is not asking him out I personally hate work parties. Ask him out to have dinner with you and if he rejects you well yeah then leave it. Also ignoring him is probably confusing the **** out of him if he was actually interested Or you could sit around wondering why he won't ask you out like the rest of my female friends. No he probably won't get the hint he probably saw you asking him "hey are you going to the company Christmas party?" = ""hey are you going to the company Christmas party?" not "Hey I secretly like you but won't actually tell you that because it's the guys job to magically know that and ask me out even though i'm ignoring you and sending mixed signals." Edited December 6, 2012 by Carenth 1
todreaminblue Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 My best friend who works with us is sure he is crazy about me but can't understand why he isn't trying to ask me out again. I wish I didn't get interrupted! The spark that happens when he is around is incredibly noticeable. My friend was like he has to ask you out and each day I really try to look good and talk to him but I freeze up and he is a very confident guy so Im still like why not ask me out? Also its been 2 months since he orginally asked what I was doing on the weekend when my work phone rang. When I asked him out to the Christmas party my friend also mentioned I was not direct enough and she said that since it is a company party it might not be his thing to get to know me with every coworker around. He did not offer to go out with me another time. When I see him its like hes thinking about something and just freezes and walks away. This happens on occasion. He is also a very honest and direct person who says whats on his mind but is courteous about it and not rude. I don't want to put myself out on a limb again shouldn't he get that I'm sending all the right signals to ask again? I mean he did ask in the first place. No he shouldnt get all the signals because he doesnt know what those signals are.....maybe...you dotn even know what hsi signals are either..so ask him if he already asked you out obviously he was interested.......see if he still is.....that freezing thing i do it on occasion......because i am think crap crap crap he is looking at me i so want to talk to him should I...insert scaredy cat here..start thinking "wish i could just be freaking normal for a change"..... (then i argue with myself for a while) all this is done in freeze mode......by the time i go into motion..and say yep gonna do it...he is gone....sad face inserted here......lol....hopeless...thats why i do the kamikaze thing before i freeze......deb
Author Candle037 Posted December 6, 2012 Author Posted December 6, 2012 I wasn't meaning to send mixed signals really. I thought he rejected me and I thought why keep on flirting with this guy. Then he kept on flirting really hard. I was trying to set a boundary that he just wanted to be coworkers or friends is all. Im not trying to mess with his head but I can understand that now thinking back both of you are right I am sending mixed signals. dammit. How do I ask him out? What should I say to him? So nervous
ja123 Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 I wish I didn't get interrupted! QUOTE] Yeah, don't answer your phone when you're talking to someone that is very rude! Just mute your phone when it rings.
MrCastle Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 I like chasing girls who make it worth my while. Ignoring me doesn't fall under that category. It's at a point where if you want him to come after you, give him something to work with. 1
Author Candle037 Posted December 6, 2012 Author Posted December 6, 2012 It was my work phone Im required to answer it because of the work I do. Im going to ask him out. I just have to figure out what to say to him.
Estate Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Yeah, some guys will chase girls because they have no other options. But it's the most head-wrecking thing imaginable. We all want what we can't have. So a slight challenge might make me think about her, playing hard to get makes me just run a mile. I don't agree with girls who've said above that a guy will chase and chase if he's interested. If the girl liked me and respected me she wouldn't be making me jump through so many hoops. Its very childish and shows a total lack of respect. I don't have time for that personally, I'll date the girl who while she might be a challenge, at least shows she appreciates the effort.
Lonely Ronin Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 I don't agree with girls who've said above that a guy will chase and chase if he's interested. If the girl liked me and respected me she wouldn't be making me jump through so many hoops. Its very childish and shows a total lack of respect. I don't have time for that personally, I'll date the girl who while she might be a challenge, at least shows she appreciates the effort. Most important paragraph in the thread. 1
truth_seeker Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 I can understand a girl testing a guy to garner his intentions. "Is he a player? Does he genuinely like me?" Also to let the guy know she isn't easy to get. Still, there are limits. You can't let a guy chase and chase with no end result in sight. There has to be an end game. That's when the girl has to step and either let the guy catch her or politely decline his overtures. Stringing a guy along then disappearing only makes the girl out to be a loser. 1
Tafita Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Yeah, some guys will chase girls because they have no other options. But it's the most head-wrecking thing imaginable. We all want what we can't have. So a slight challenge might make me think about her, playing hard to get makes me just run a mile. I don't agree with girls who've said above that a guy will chase and chase if he's interested. If the girl liked me and respected me she wouldn't be making me jump through so many hoops. Its very childish and shows a total lack of respect. I don't have time for that personally, I'll date the girl who while she might be a challenge, at least shows she appreciates the effort. Would you consider a woman where the man is always doing to pursuing via phone, as him "chasing". What if, she asks him out, plans dates, etc.?
Lonely Ronin Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Would you consider a woman where the man is always doing to pursuing via phone, as him "chasing". Yep, this is chasing. As far as I'm concerned if I'm still doing all the asking after a couple of dates, then the woman in question is on this ice. What if, she asks him out, plans dates, etc.? No, this isn't chasing. because she is actually making an effort to see him.
Tafita Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Yep, this is chasing. As far as I'm concerned if I'm still doing all the asking after a couple of dates, then the woman in question is on this ice. No, this isn't chasing. because she is actually making an effort to see him. Thanks. So if he is calling her all the time, he's chasing her. If she is asking to see him, suggests getting together, etc., that isn't chasing on her part. Is that accurate?
Lonely Ronin Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 The best way to define chasing when it comes to dating, is to base it off of who is initiating contact & doing the planning. It varies depending on the individuals involved, but if either is initiating/planning 100% of the time, they are definitely chasing. For me if I'm initiating contact more than ~70% of the time, that's to much, and I'll just walk away. I know it can take a woman a little while to feel comfortable around me, but if she doesn't start initiating/planing after a couple dates then I'm gone.
Tafita Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 The best way to define chasing when it comes to dating, is to base it off of who is initiating contact & doing the planning. It varies depending on the individuals involved, but if either is initiating/planning 100% of the time, they are definitely chasing. For me if I'm initiating contact more than ~70% of the time, that's to much, and I'll just walk away. I know it can take a woman a little while to feel comfortable around me, but if she doesn't start initiating/planing after a couple dates then I'm gone. What if two people were chasing each other (ie - one does most of the calling; the other does most of the date planning/asking). Do they then cancel each other out? So its been a few weeks and he is still flirting with me alot even though I have ignored him entirely. Hes still finding lots of ways to talk with me. I can't ignore him anymore hes just too charming and good looking. He always has this huge smile on his face when he sees me. Advise please help! Why isn't he asking me out? OP is ignoring him entirely. So, I don't think what we've just discussed, applies. Correct?
carhill Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 He knows you like him and he's feeding his ego with his flirting after the rude rejection. Dry hole. Move on. The critical factors in my analysis are his behaviors, that he used you for a ride and then later was rude when declining your kind invitation to the company party. He likes that you like him. Good luck. 2
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Yup! Instead of trying to find out more about you, he gave you a lecture about what types of things he hates women doing while you were chauffeuring him. The subtext being, should I every date you, don't demand anything or I'll think this of you. The guy is a player. Move on. IME, when a guy likes you, you don't have to put much, if any effort to get to a date. This guy is playing games with you!
Estate Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Would you consider a woman where the man is always doing to pursuing via phone, as him "chasing". What if, she asks him out, plans dates, etc.? It depends... that doesn't really explain a lot. Is he always calling and texting? Yeah, that ssounds like he's chasing. I like to text/call girls I'm seeing or into but if thats all I do and if I had nothing else going on but waiting for her replies.... then yeah. If she shares the load and asks him out as well as him, then I'd be a little more impressed. If she's asking me places when I hadn't tried to set a date then she must be interested.
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