Is my ex/ girlfriend psychotic?

[Samms22]

Hey LSers, I'm hung up on a few little bits and pieces of my relationship when I look at it from hindsight. I was wondering if you guys and gals could shed some light on whether or not my girlfriend was emotionally unstable and basically a lost cause -- no matter if I was James Bond or the best man in the world.

 

I've told my story in various ways on this site but I want to just cut down to describing her and receiving your opinions on whether or not she's a lost cause, at least until she matures: I started dating this (I thought) very sweet, cute, and charming girl. I pursued her, but found out she had a boyfriend. Upon inspection, this girl (attractive) was dating this very ugly, weird guy. I asked her politely why and she said he's nice. A few days later, she dumps him and tells me that she's free (I ignored her). We start a relationship, and she is about as clingy, needy, and desperate as one could get, and I found it both endearing and repulsive at the same time. She always texted first, and always wanted to see me and gave up a lot of herself for me... she gave up her friends, her family, hobbies, etc. even when I specifically encouraged her not to. She would say things like: "We're going to be together forever, right?" and "Why are you with me you're so gorgeous...why are you dating me?" She would point out other attractive girls and ask me what I thought, and it would piss me off because she never saw herself as worthy. She wouldn't accept gifts or compliments (she would shake her head or mockingly say "thank you."

 

Mind you, all of the above was done in a sweet and syrupy way, but I was losing myself, and found myself unhappy with life for some reason. The minute I shed her, I felt like a weight had been lifted, despite me missing her (she did become my best friend).

 

I found out some of her past history: she cheated on a nice guy in 2011 that she was dating for 3 months who was in her circle of friends with a scumbag, and stayed with the scumbag for 5 months despite horrible physical abuse and emotional abuse from him. She's a walking doormat and when I asked her, "Why did you stay with him?" She said that because she cheated on the nice guy, she felt like that's all she deserved. Very apathetic. She seemed to feel guilty about cheating, but justified it very well.

 

She had anorexia when she was 12 for a few years, which possibly makes it so that she can't have children.

 

At the end of our relationship, I believe she got GIGS (she turned 20) and lost feelings for me and attached them to a new, really bad guy. She left me and cheated on me with this new guy. Despite me catching her talking about having sex with him, she lied about it and continues to to this day (although I've been NC for awhile and plan on keeping it).

 

It was shocking to have someone who says they care about you so much and for so long do something of this nature... even to the last day she was still texting me sweet nothings, but as I would find out later, she was also texting her new guy terribly gross, sexual, and out of characteristic things on the same day.

 

Now, I'm not the perfect man. Sometimes I made her jealous (because I thought that she found my jokes funny, she would laugh) and sometimes I would make inappropriate racist jokes (I'm now dating a girl who loves them) and we had different viewpoints on a lot of issues, but I treated her very well overall and supported her and NEVER said a bad word about her or to her face. She even admits that. And now she's with a real bad guy who's getting her into drugs and partying, etc.

 

Did I dodge a bullet?

[Toddbt12y1]

You did. She sounds mentally unbalanced. Fact that she cheats is a red sign in and of itself. Even if she cheated long ago. Fact she gets with abusive bad boys suggests she likes either the abuse or hopes to change one.

 

I could go on, but point is you are lucky. She is unbalanced.

[Samms22]

You did. She sounds mentally unbalanced. Fact that she cheats is a red sign in and of itself. Even if she cheated long ago. Fact she gets with abusive bad boys suggests she likes either the abuse or hopes to change one.

 

I could go on, but point is you are lucky. She is unbalanced.

 

Yeah.

 

She was always so insecure, SO INSECURE about everything and the months up to moving out would become such a nervous wreck as to drive me crazy. She would always ask me, "So you're still moving out, right?" over and over and over. I think it's possible that I was being so aloof (correctly) that she stuck with me like glue, and that if I had shown her the same attention she would be gone. Once we moved out, she felt like she conquered me..?

 

 

 

I also caught her in about 200 or so lies. She was and is a pathological liar and I saw a glimpse of her insanity when I caught her.

 

 

 

 

One night I couldn't get to sleep -- I had a physics test the next day and was supposed to be moving out with her. She kept waking me up. I asked her if I could sleep downstairs, she begged and said no I'll be quite. Woke me up again. I asked her to leave and go home, she cried and said I'll sleep in the closet. I told her I would never force her to do that, but she got up and went in there to sleep anyways... I felt bad but I tried to sleep. She woke me up again. I angrily got up and asked her to please go home again. I was calm but firm. I went to the bathroom and came back, expecting to find her in my bed, and tripped over a huge box that was in the middle of my room. It hit the closet door and she came out wailing and crying and told me that I was being violent and that I reminded her of her ex boyfriend. I apologized and said I didn't know she was in there and I didn't MEAN to kick the box into the door.

 

Later, when she tried to justify her cheating and pin the blame of the relationship on me, she would cite this issue as a moment when "i used the fact that I cared about her to ask her to go home." HUH? SHE DIDN'T LIVE THERE. Christ.

 

Anyone else have input?

[na49]

You did. She sounds mentally unbalanced. Fact that she cheats is a red sign in and of itself. Even if she cheated long ago. Fact she gets with abusive bad boys suggests she likes either the abuse or hopes to change one.

 

I could go on, but point is you are lucky. She is unbalanced.

 

I feel like my ex is doing that. I'm your typical nice guy, average with no real "issues". Her ex before me and her "boyfriend" now both have issues. Her ex before me was suicidal and the guy she's with now is apparently an alcoholic. The idea that these types of girls want to "change one" makes a lot of sense to me now. She also must like the abuse. Notes taken, I need to be more of a jerk.

 

It sounds like you did dodge a bullet Samms, reading your story reminds me of my ex actually, mine was just as insecure and crazy possessive. She's probably hating that you're living life without her and enjoying yourself. I really want to show my ex that, but I haven't figured out how exactly. A relationship out of spite doesn't seem like the best idea for me although I know that would kill her the most.

[Samms22]

I feel like my ex is doing that. I'm your typical nice guy, average with no real "issues". Her ex before me and her "boyfriend" now both have issues. Her ex before me was suicidal and the guy she's with now is apparently an alcoholic. The idea that these types of girls want to "change one" makes a lot of sense to me now. She also must like the abuse. Notes taken, I need to be more of a jerk.

 

It sounds like you did dodge a bullet Samms, reading your story reminds me of my ex actually, mine was just as insecure and crazy possessive. She's probably hating that you're living life without her and enjoying yourself. I really want to show my ex that, but I haven't figured out how exactly. A relationship out of spite doesn't seem like the best idea for me although I know that would kill her the most.

 

I'm not so sure that she's feeling that. She's deep into her next honeymoon phase with her rebound, so she might be getting comfort from that, ALTHOUGH the few times I've spoken with her after the break up she started to cry and weep and say she missed me blah blah blah.

 

Which does sound amazing considering I handled the break up pretty terribly. Live and learn though haha.

 

Anyone else?

[rn0408]

You ran from a clinger...shes prob desperate and would get knocked up on purpose to keep a guy.

 

Wise decision!

 

 

I have crazies chase me, and one slipped through the cracks and manipulated me when my friend hung himself...that was 5 months too long with her ..I ran for the hills when I woke up

[movingon12]

Now, I'm not the perfect man. Sometimes I made her jealous (because I thought that she found my jokes funny, she would laugh) and sometimes I would make inappropriate racist jokes (I'm now dating a girl who loves them) and we had different viewpoints on a lot of issues, but I treated her very well overall and supported her and NEVER said a bad word about her or to her face. She even admits that. And now she's with a real bad guy who's getting her into drugs and partying, etc.

 

Um.................

[Toddbt12y1]

@N94, now there is no need to be a jerk. Being a goodguy is not a bad-thing at all. Women actually love good-guys, but they do not love doormats. They love good-guys, but they do not love a guy who will agree them to death, as if they did not have an opinion of their own.

 

They want a good-guy, who will be firm and at the same-time loving. Who will go after what he wants, yet at the same-time maintain control over his personal life. Basically, they want a nice guy, but the type of nice guy they want, is a manly nice-guy. Not a coward, and not a swagger-nice-guy. They, women, true women, want a class-act nice guy, who knows how to handle the world around him.

 

Being a jerk, will get you little girls(women in body, but girls in mind), who will only love you out of some twisted sense of self-worthlessness. They crave jerks for this reason, bad-boys. In the end, it isn't really about changing them, even fools know they cannot: It is about an underlaying issue within that girl.

[Toddbt12y1]

@Samms;

 

All those lies, and being a pathological liar, certainly does show the signs of some mental disorder. Her not wishing to leave your house, and her wanting to "sleep in the closet." Due to her constant waking you up. True, she does show signs of clinginess. However, this goes well beyond that.

 

In the end, she has some mental-disorder. I cannot tell you what type of one. Could be BPD, could be Bipolar.(Though I lack enough information to make a guess with Bipolar.) People who suffer from BPD can be pathological liars; but they may also cut themselves and do other self-destructive things.

 

In the end, I do not know, but I am positive it is a mental-disorder. I would feel lucky. Oftentimes girls like this one, carry a lot of heavy baggage from previous relationships(whatever that they might be), into new relationships; thus creating a potential down-fall for any new relationship. They may never truly settle down, but I do note: may.