aloneinphx Posted August 10, 2004 Posted August 10, 2004 Well my story is not alot different than most.Last November i started dating what i thought was the girl of my dreams.We met at driving school and became friends first.As time went on we moved from friendship to dating.We were very honest about our past with each other so there was not a whole lot to hide.She told me from the beginning that she was afraid of committment,but love is blind and i thought true love can overcome all. Everything was good for quite a while we had our ups and downs.She is 28 and i am 37 so some things we don"t see eye to eye on.Anyway about last April all the sudden she hits me with she is not sure that she wants to be in a relatioship.So i follow up with the standard why? I treat you better than you have been treated and i'm not gonna let you just walk out without a fight.She came over to my house the next morning and things continued on. After this conversation in April she started to sometimes get mean.She would go out with her friends alot more than before.Sometime would call sometimes not this went on thru the beginning of June to the point where a couple times i would say maybe we should break up.This was very hurtful to me as i felt i treted her the way she wanted me to treat her. At this time i had already purchased plane tickets and resort reservations to Cancun so after talking about it we decided to go on this trip.We had a wonderful time had a week to really talk about us and what we wanted and came home feeling great.Even had a few of he friends tell me how happy she was and how this time together was all we needed. Fast forward to almost three weeks ago everything seemed great than on a Thursday night.She starts crying telling me how she knows someday she will hurt me and how she thinks i love her more than she loves me.This was a shock because everything seemed like it was going so well.We did not see each other again till Sunday i had the day off and she came over to spend time in the pool. We spend the day together nothing exciting she has dinner plans that night and leaves to go to dinner.From the restaurant calls me to see if i would like to join for drinks.When i get to the restaurant she hardly says 2 words to me than goes to pay the bill.That caused a little tiff because she did not need to pay the whole bill she storms out of the restaurant and we have not talked really since. She was leaving for Cleveland the following wednesday I had bought her and her son tickets to go see her family.So i texted to to ask if we were broke up or what.She said we would never work she loved me also and that was that. While she was gone i wrote her a 2 letters both telling her how much i love her this and that.She dropped me a e-mail whan she got home telling me she got my letters and saying thanks for understanding.But no amount of conversation or fighting was gonna help the healing process. Since then i have sent a few texts and she called to help her out on something very little contact.I sent my last text on Sunday to say i thought i deserved some kinda explaination have heard nothing.Felt i would leave it open for two weeks and i did have made no contact since Sunday and will not again since i'm sure she does not want me to.Just wonder if there is ever a chance for us or not?
azgirl Posted August 10, 2004 Posted August 10, 2004 alone - I'm so sorry to read your story. I wish I could answer your question about whether or not there is a chance for you. I completely understand that feeling of wanting and deserving some answers. I would say (from personal experience that is quite similar) that right now, just give her some space and she will contact you again when she is ready. Try going through this and LIVING with the person who broke up with you. (I got a similar line of BS - not wanting to be in a relationship right now.) He is quite a bit younger than me, like with your situation. And I, too, treated him better than 99% of women out there treat their men. Still ... I couldn't make him stay. He is moving out this weekend which I knew was coming, but is devastating to watch. But ... we have agreed to maintain a close friendship and see what happens down the road. Just give her some time. Sometimes the harder we press for answers the more they pull away. When you do talk to her, ask her for answers but if she is not ready or willing, then do not push the issue. I think that the only thing that is making it possible for me to keep my guy in my life is that I learned to sort of "give up" (not really- but as he sees it) on trying to be his girlfriend right now. Things drastically improved between us once he didn't feel so pressured and since then he has stated that it is not out of the question for us to try again someday. (Good enough for me for now.) I feel the same about him as you do about your girl. I genuinely felt/feel? as if he is the man of my dreams. Hang in there. I'm here to chat if you need to.
Author aloneinphx Posted August 10, 2004 Author Posted August 10, 2004 Thank-you its a tough thing to do but i know you are right. She has to work out whatever her issue is I also know she may never tell me. Its very hard when you do and treat them like they wanted and then they leave you anyway.
azgirl Posted August 10, 2004 Posted August 10, 2004 I know what you mean. I treated my guy like a prince. (Still do to a degree.) And he (during the initial break-up discussion) actually accused me of "trying too hard" to make him happy and do nice things for him. What the ****???? Most guys would kill to have a woman cook them breakfast in bed, have drinks and a bubble bath waiting for them when they get home from a long stressful day at work (just a couple examples.) But ... it didn't keep him from wanting out. He, too, was going through a ton of emotional, stressful family garbage at that time. Maybe when he starightens his sh*t out and has had some space, he will be back. In the meantime, I will be his friend. Perhaps you should make that offer to your girl. You know?? I will warn you - it isn't always easy. You have to decide if YOU have the strength.
Author aloneinphx Posted August 11, 2004 Author Posted August 11, 2004 I don't think i could do that maybe someday i fact i'm sure someday but not right now. Its funny her brother just called to tell me what an idiot she is. I don't feel she is an idiot I actully respect her for having the guts to do what she wants. But i know she has made a huge mistake but in the end i know for once in my life its her loss.
Velveteel Posted August 11, 2004 Posted August 11, 2004 It's definitely possible to treat your lover beautifully and still lose him or her. All this means is that you haven't found the right person. The person who loves you as deeply as you love them will be thrilled to find the bubble bath, etc., and won't lose interest for no apparent reason. Unfortunately, it's almost impossible to tell which new lover is just briefly infatuated with you (or attracted to you for some other reason, like stability, but not for your whole self), and which is likely to stay the course. As other posters have written, the best thing to do is to pull away when your partner begins to lose interest. Sometimes this increases your value in their eyes. (And some people mistake drama for excitement.) But there's no way to predict what will happen. Keep the faith for another month or two, then make a clean break and move on.
overseas2004 Posted August 11, 2004 Posted August 11, 2004 I know it is hard to accept but it seems to me like you got an answer. She doesn't love you as much as she thinks she wants to love someone she would stay with. What makes you not remember this is that it is hard to hear and hard to swallow. I know this because I have been there. Also cowards fear confrontations. She did not want to have one so this is her way of avoiding it. I agree with everyone on the site. You need to back off man. Regards, Overseas2004
Author aloneinphx Posted August 11, 2004 Author Posted August 11, 2004 Thanks for all the advice 3 days no contact hard thing to do but i know its the right thing. Just hoping for the pain to go away and staying as busy as possible.
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