charlietheginger Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Well i came to LS confused dizzy depressed Hopeless self esteem issues asexual confusion And wondered wtf was wrong with me.... I now relize im not alone.... Seems a lot Of people have issues..... All these post from women and men in reguards To dating makes me see im not so f~ed up after all. My problems all stem back to self esteem and trust. Every one i loved has cuased me physical harm From my father hitting me , my brother hitting me, the time i was molested , hiding in the bedroom from My ex wife as she chased me throwing stuff at me.... I relize now we all have problems... LS forced me to examine my past relationships And relize nothing is wrong with me im a nice Person we all have issues.... I took a deep breath and a deep cry last night Its over my past is unchangeable... My future is unfolding and i cant be scared of everyone Any more. Thanks to everyone and their dating problems And talking about them ... I no longer feel hopeless And alone... 2
ls32ssibm Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Funniest thing about this site is everybody says "wow, that person is a jerk, move on" but then comes to the board with their own jerks they are hesitant to leave. Nature of the beast.
Under The Radar Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Great post Charlie, I respect the time and honesty it took to share that with the forum. As you pointed out ... all of us are broken in our own way. Some people are just too proud to admit that they have baggage (or are simply too uninsightful). The key is learning from our mistakes and trying not to repeat them. Like you said, we cannot change the past, but we can definitely learn from it. Always treat yourself the way you would a close friend: with compassion, love, and understanding. Best of luck to you . 2
Under The Radar Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Funniest thing about this site is everybody says "wow, that person is a jerk, move on" but then comes to the board with their own jerks they are hesitant to leave. Nature of the beast. Yep, it's in the nature of most human being to demonstrate impressive levels of hypocrisy.
NateC Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 I definitely agree with the OP. I don't post all that often but there's a lot of good advice floating around and people who've had similar experiences. 3
soccerrprp Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 First of all, not everyone has "baggage." The way I see it, obviously, we all have a history, but the way I define baggage is any condition or circumstance from the past or present that presents or hinders us from having an truly honest or open relationship, absent preconceived suspicions or emotional tendencies that interfere with said establishment of a relationship. I don't consider myself to have any baggage if I follow my definition, of course. I am not perfect, but that is not what people mean when they are referring to baggage. Charlie, we all have had our bouts, trials and tribulations with dating. Some far more than others, but as you have already indicated, don't allow the future become a victim of your past. I personally cannot fully appreciate what you have gone through, but am sympathetic and wish you well. Dating isn't easy. Keep hope and yes, learn from your past so that the next time the experience will be better. 3
todreaminblue Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 (edited) I think the more you go through you develop resilience to the petty things other seem to find annoying....i think the trials that we face give us personal growth and yes we can share insight or truly understand another's plight like an insider ......been there done that got the scars to prove it......so everyone on this board has a history that might be similar to another's painful realizations about themselves and others..... this is something I know the best therapy I have ever done has been in a circle..one guy in the circle actually wanted to beat the crap out of me thought i was a spy..he ended up liking me the most....unfortunately for the both of us...so the best therapy i have done are with others as messed up as me......half the time do you know what the end result of that therapy was.....laughter.....acceptance and huge mothers of bear hugs...male and female together......and when we started it the circle was bitter, distrustful paranoia, insecure..........the circles never finished that way....because you see you are right ,we are all the same ...and some things truly suck in life......some people suck even worse and they are the ones to stay away from.....like on here....there are true sucks....who disbelieve what you say, and ridicule you, cant grasp a really horrid past, make you feel unwelcome, brand you a liar etc..there the ones with two or more usernames...and they love to mimic what you say...i have forgotten their usernames I havent forget what happened though......yeah, if you're reading, i love puppies and cats....i know its not enough...and you dont bother me..reality is harsher....and then there are the majority who are just trying to find their way.......thanks for the post charlie it was a pleasure to read....hugs to ya from the other side of the circle.............deb Edited December 6, 2012 by todreaminblue 1
Under The Radar Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 (edited) First of all, not everyone has "baggage." The way I see it, obviously, we all have a history, but the way I define baggage is any condition or circumstance from the past or present that presents or hinders us from having an truly honest or open relationship, absent preconceived suspicions or emotional tendencies that interfere with said establishment of a relationship. I don't consider myself to have any baggage if I follow my definition, of course. I am not perfect, but that is not what people mean when they are referring to baggage. Charlie, we all have had our bouts, trials and tribulations with dating. Some far more than others, but as you have already indicated, don't allow the future become a victim of your past. I personally cannot fully appreciate what you have gone through, but am sympathetic and wish you well. Dating isn't easy. Keep hope and yes, learn from your past so that the next time the experience will be better. I understand where you are coming from and you make some good points . However, I respectfully disagree with your assertion that "not everyone has baggage". Baggage, issues, hangups - they are all the same thing to me in the end. Anyone that has made it to their 30's or beyond has "baggage". The important question to ask is whether or not it is resolved. Having UNRESOLVED baggage is where a stigma and adjacent problems stem from. Have you ever lost a loved one to cancer or suicide? Have you ever been burned badly in a relationship? Have you ever had a serious physical injury that left you scarred for life? Have you ever felt extreme guilt from letting someone down? Have you ever been turned down for a promotion or a job that you knew you were qualified for? I mean, the list goes on and on. Obviously, we could find SOMETHING that severely hurt you in life that left you wounded for some period of time. Congratulations, you have know acquired baggage. The important key here is HOW you deal with it. Does the person heal, grow, and surmount the issues? Or, does the individual develop toxic generalizations about people, genders, and to some extent capitulate? That, to me, is when people's baggage is dangerous, unpredictable, and ultimately a potential tragedy. Years ago, I had the honor and pleasure of hearing a congenital amputee give a motivational speech. He talked about being a teenager and spending 45 minutes to put on his socks. He said that the experience left him frustrated, sad, and angry. Well, he channeled those emotions into something positive. He eventually learned to drive a car, write, graduate from college, have a girlfriend, and become a champion caliber wrestler (all without appendages). I'll never forget the statement he made at the end of the seminar: EVERYBODY HAS A DISABILITY. IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOURS IS, MAYBE THAT'S YOUR DISABILITY. Everyone has baggage. It's how we choose to deal with it that determines whether or not it's healthy or toxic to our relationships. Edited December 6, 2012 by Training Revelations 2
Under The Radar Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 I think the more you go through you develop resilience to the petty things other seem to find annoying....i think the trials that we face give us personal growth and yes we can share insight or truly understand another's plight like an insider ......been there done that got the scars to prove it......so everyone on this board has a history that might be similar to another's painful realizations about themselves and others..... this is something I know the best therapy I have ever done has been in a circle..one guy in the circle actually wanted to beat the crap out of me thought i was a spy..he ended up liking me the most....unfortunately for the both of us...so the best therapy i have done are with others as messed up as me......half the time do you know what the end result of that therapy was.....laughter.....acceptance and huge mothers of bear hugs...male and female together......and when we started it the circle was bitter, distrustful paranoia, insecure..........the circles never finished that way....because you see you are right ,we are all the same ...and some things truly suck in life......some people suck even worse and they are the ones to stay away from.....like on here....there are true sucks....who disbelieve what you say, and ridicule you, cant grasp a really horrid past, make you feel unwelcome, brand you a liar etc..there the ones with two or more usernames...and they love to mimic what you say...i have forgotten their usernames I havent forget what happened though......yeah, if you're reading, i love puppies and cats....i know its not enough...and you dont bother me..reality is harsher....and then there are the majority who are just trying to find their way.......thanks for the post charlie it was a pleasure to read....hugs to ya from the other side of the circle.............deb Deb, Great post. Thanks for sharing some of your personal growth and healing. I appreciate your honesty and willingness to learn from hardships. *HUGS* . 1
Author charlietheginger Posted December 6, 2012 Author Posted December 6, 2012 Hey guys i wasnt asking for empathy or sympathy i was just thanking everyone for being who you are And talking about your personal lives... i have no one in person to talk to about Lifes situations in reguards to personal relations So by reading post by all the LS members made Me relize others have issues as well Some people looking for love Some trying to avoid love Some trying to make others love them Some asexuals not looking for anything Some scared of love Some addicted to love.... feels good to know im not alone.... In a world full of ups downs over and unders zigs n zags... This emotional rollercoaster Of life never stops it runs strait and smooth For awhile then starts its ups and downs again.... im starting to see this all now...
todreaminblue Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 (edited) Deb, Great post. Thanks for sharing some of your personal growth and healing. I appreciate your honesty and willingness to learn from hardships. *HUGS* . hugs back......i liked your experience you had at the motivational speech....i too was motivated in my circles....its when you hear of triumph over tragedy it gives you perspective on what is good what is just and the unbelievable power of the human spirit to endure....gods gift......you hear of it every day someone getting over something where you think to yourself ....nooooo way ......and it is yes way.......those people have a light about them have met quite a few.......I have shed some tears with how selfishly i think i have had it tough, when people are now suffering and mine is over...the shed tears are for them in the past.... i believe in people actually.....and the power of change and growth....and i have my days when i am a total gimp and admit it......we are all imperfect and like you said if you have a past you have baggage it is in how you carry and use that baggage....to better your life in the end....i hope i have enough personal growth one day to carry my own and somebody elses......with dignity....still learnin.and thanks for sharing your story it was motivational....feel fuzzy like now..love that last quote..smilin..deb Edited December 6, 2012 by todreaminblue
todreaminblue Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Hey guys i wasnt asking for empathy or sympathy i was just thanking everyone for being who you are And talking about your personal lives... i have no one in person to talk to about Lifes situations in reguards to personal relations So by reading post by all the LS members made Me relize others have issues as well Some people looking for love Some trying to avoid love Some trying to make others love them Some asexuals not looking for anything Some scared of love Some addicted to love.... feels good to know im not alone.... In a world full of ups downs over and unders zigs n zags... This emotional rollercoaster Of life never stops it runs strait and smooth For awhile then starts its ups and downs again.... im starting to see this all now... i wasnt giving you empathy i was agreeing with your post......and thanking you for posting it....we all have issues and you see that.....you are obviously feeling a little better about yourself and going easier on yourself seeing other people suffer in love too.....i think everyone does at one time or another if they admit it......that part was a pleasure to read....the fact that you feel better through reading and sharing....i do tooo....that is probably empathy...lol.....no matter.....i like your post.. heres a kitten for you ....i love them so much.....sorry its a bunny hallucinated for a minute....thought it was a kitten.......deb 1
DC4 Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 I haven't been dating in the traditional since like ever. It's always been falling into a relationship with someone that I know without the whole going on dates and "does he like me?" thing. This forum has helped me immensely with perspective and insight into dating. I felt like I was eating glass everyday when I first started getting out there. I lost 10 lbs and wasn't sleeping-I was that stressed out! I feel 100% better. Thanks guys!
Recommended Posts